Msjackie69
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| FACT ALERT: MissJackie is back. And Fat. And ugly. |
| FAT ALERT
Man the harpoons and batten down the hatches! |
Msjackie69, or as her name translates in Japanese "FANATICAL BONUS INEDIBLE WHALE TENTACLE FRENZY DEMON WOMAN", describes herself as "the one who you love to hate". There was never a truer statement spoken about this eatbeast of embarrassing proportions who believes herself to be the essence of comedy and lulz. Self-delusion is such a terrible thing to witness. In a more civilized world, people like this would be publicly mocked until they killed themselves, or would be humanely put down. Sadly, the internet lacks enough benevolent dictators or sufficient horse tranquillizer to dispose of Jackie's humongous frame. The response to her videos, which range from her shoving her cat off a counter in order to smear her face with canned fish, to pulling allegedly fake turd from her nappy (see: Baby Jackie video), have managed to pull at the heart strings, if not the gag reflex, of the YouTube community.
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Dinner Time For Kitty
Jackie shot to e-fame with her video entitled Dinner Time For Kitty, in which she proves that she is both an animal abuser and a ferocious fatty! The video begins with Jackie opening a can of tuna into a bowl, accompanied by horrific breathing noises. If that was not frightening enough she finds her cat and lets it eat some of the tuna (At least the video is measuring up to the title). It should be noted at this point that Jackie gives her cats horrible names like Princess BooBooKins. As poor BooBooKins eats the tuna that Jackie has, lovingly as a 16 year old girl discovering her first cock, set out for her, Jackie attempts to eat some of the food herself. Jackie's rage at seeing another creature enjoying food is too much for her, and with a shrill cry of "NO! ME EAT!!" she hurls the cat off the table and proceeds to cover her entire face in raw tuna. Apparently this is the height of humor, folks. Move over Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Chappelle, there's a new comedy queen in town! The Three Stooges have nothing on Msjackie69!
Aftermath
The events after this video was shot are unclear and are only known because of the brave and selfless kitty that is not here with us today. Information gleaned from various sources has led us to believe that Jackie (hereafter referred to as Site One)'s hambeast vortex interacted with the space/time continuum in such a way as to open up a rip which threatened to swallow the entire planet . . . a monstrosity which should not exist in any universe that values light and peace.
In a cataclysmic rage of hunger, this disaster of epic proportions sucked homes; cars; trees; people around Site One into itself in a desperate search for . . . more tuna.
BooBooKins, realizing in her little kitty brain that all life on Earth was in danger, sacrificed her nine lives to plug Satan's Cake Hole; this restored the world to normal and enabled a huge sigh of relief to be breathed.
Today, BooBooKins is sitting in Heaven pawing at the scratching post of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. She shall not feel pain, sadness, or annoyance at being thrown off tables any more. She shall be graced with all the ambrosia infused tuna she desires, offered to her in golden-gilded food bowls and revel in only the freshest and potent of catnips, cultivated by the Gods themselves whilst luxuriating on the softest of velvet pillows. Mankind owes its deepest gratitude to this tiny, selfless hero, who shall forever be remembered in our hearts and on our MPEG files.
Little Baby Jackie
Moving away from humor for a change, MsJackie69 made an autobiographical video of her early childhood days entitled Miss Jackie as a Baby. In the video, the 27 year old Jackie plays herself at age three, while her boyfriend plays her abusive father. This is one of the only times her boyfriend ever appears on camera, her reasoning being boyfriend's privacy. It is more probable that he is simply too embarrassed to appear anywhere near the whale he regrets to call his girlfriend. In this video, Jackie, who I remind you is 27 years old, plays with stuffed toys, demands a bottle and smears shit all over her face (a scene reminiscent of Swap.avi). The most shocking thing about this video is not her self-debasement or the shit-eating. Rather, it is the "diaper" that she wears, and its horrible similarity to the rest of her pasty, butter filled body.
lol, pwnd by youtube. Watch it here instead!
After watching this video, ED reminds you:
Sexy?
If the images of Msjackie coating her face with tuna or screeching from the floor in a soiled rhino-sized diaper were the spoons jamming your eyelids open, the video of her stripping to Justin Timberfails "SexyBack" is the drain cleaner that, mercifully poured into your skull cavity, drives you into a peaceful state of catatonic shock.
Celebrity Status
MsJackie69 is also an IRL celebrity after appearing on Generic Female-Oriented Talkshow and being insulted by a fat, nigger, stripper after her plan to troll her to death backfired horribly.
Video has been pwnd fix'd.
Why Won't This Bitch Die?
Apparently the realization that nobody thinks this shit is funny hasn't gotten through to Ms Jackie (Nothing's getting through that fat, amirite?) as she's returned to the tubes as MissJackie66. Reception to her return has been unusually positive.
| —SkinnyJack44, because nothing MissJackie66 does can be considered funny. |
| —KandiCox, displaying her profound sense of humor. |
MissJackie hasn't posted any new videos or logged into YouTube in the past 6 months, so she may have abandoned the tubes for good. Meanwhile, her videos continue to emerge, each more disturbing than the last.
| —IAmDeadAmerican |
See Also
External Links
- Twitter #1
- Twitter #2
- Selling shit on LJ
- deleted LJ
- Classmate.com profile
- ESCORT SERVICES!!! You know you wanna!!!
- Send her some love!
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MsJackie69 on Youtubebaleeted - The Fat Bitch is back Plz troll.
- MsJackie69's personal website (Filled with more cookies than her phenomenal girth)
- Jackie on revver.
- Jackie thinks she can delete youtube
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Msjackie69 is part of a series on Whores. |
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