My Immortal
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| —Anon. |
My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad Harry Potter fan fiction ever written, featuring the blatant Mary-Sue, Ebony (or often times Enoby). It received at least 100 reviews in just one year. Written by retard girl Tara Gilesbie, reading it is about as appealing as shoving your head into Goatse's ass. A movie has been made based on the book(?), which is A plus and should be watched.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
There is none. Don't believe me? Read all 44 chapters for yourself.
[edit] Characters
[edit] Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
The ingenue of the story, a totally GOFFIK Mary-Sue of biblical proportions. She is the main character of this sue.
Name Origin: Her first name "Ebony" comes from the fact that she has black hair. The origin of her first middle name, Dark'ness is unknown but it is supposed to be from the fact that she is a "dark" character. Her next middle name, Dementia most likely comes from the disease. The name "Raven" most likely comes from the name of Tara's friend. The last name probably came from Gerard Way.
From chapter one we were quite sure that her name is "Ebony" as it is a more common name than Enoby yet we were confused about this when Tara posted chapter four, which begins with:
"I sez stup flaming okiez?// ebony’s name is ENOBY nut mury su OK!"
There you have it. Enoby is so nut a mury su.
Appearance: Just read the first chapter. That's seriously all it's about.
Hobbies: Ebony's hobbies include slitting her wrists, crying "tears of blood" and doing it with people. Actually, just Draco Malfoy. She also enjoys french kissing people. She also has a band called Bloody Gothic Rose 666.
[edit] Draco Malfoy
OOC (out of character). Is now a bisexual goth who puts "his boy's thingie into her you-know-what" and "does it for the first time" with Enoby. Has a really big "you-know-what" with a dork mark on it and everything.
[edit] Harry "Vampire" Potter
OOC. Is now a bisexual goth who seduces Draco to cheat on Enoby with him. His characteristic lightning bolt scar has been changed into a pentagram with the help of Diabolo/Ron, but he always covers it up with foundation.
[edit] Dumbledore
OOC. (mostly known as Dumblydor) Has Alzheimers and headaches and curses his students to hell whenever he feels like it (paticularly when he catches them having teh sex in the Forbidden Forest). Dumblydore is also commonly known for flying on his broomstick through cooridors, wearing black robes with Avril Lavigne on them, calling the Hogwarts students "GOFFS" and he owns a large collection of polos from American Eagle (What a fucking poser).
[edit] Voldamort/Voldemint/Volfemort/Vlodemort [sic]
OOC. Has a tendency to get a "dud-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and recruits Enoby and Draco somewhere around chapter ten. He does this by giving her a piece and telling her to pop a cap in Harry's head. Seriously, why was this never tried before? Fuck magic, when you can have a bullet! Because he is a sinister villain, he speaks in Old English, using words like "thou" and "hath", which makes him sound like a genuine idiot with a speech impediment. He prefers wearing high heels.
[edit] Hagrid
Most commonly known as "Hargrid", though he has also been known as "Hairgrid" on occasion. Hargrid may be just a little Hogwarts student, but he is also a Satanist:
"'I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly."
He's also in love with Ebony, making him a huge, gigantic pedophile (literally).
[edit] McGonagall
Has apparently changed her name to "McGoonigal", "McGoogle" or "McGoggle", which probably means, "Scottish scuba-diver". Her favorite thing to do is yell at people and call them "horny simpletons".
[edit] B'loody Mary Smith/Hermione
OOC. After she realized that she was kidnapped as a child, and that her real last name was Smith, she was transfered to Slytherin. She is also a member of the band Bloody Roses 666, the most emo/poser band around. But don't let that fool you, she worships Satan (AKA Voldimint) just like the rest of them.
[edit] Lupin
He never goes by the name of Lupin, but prefers the alias "Loopin" or "Lumpkin" instead, so the child predator police can't catch him. He's a disgusting pervert/pedophile and his hobbies include chewing on porn tapes, "masticating" on broomsticks, doing the dirty with Snape and asking Enoby if he can burrow a condemn from her to do it with Snoop/Snip/Snap/Snake.
[edit] Snape/Snap/Snip
A crazed fetishist who masturbates over Enoby/Ebony/Enony/Enobby, while simultaneously being a homosexual and getting it on loopy Loopin. A prep, oddly, who was the most goffick character in the books. "Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!" Actually, the young Harry Potter Fangirls reading didn't know what, and the author had to explain. Lulz ensued.
[edit] The Author
Her name (which has multiple variations in spelling) is commonly agreed upon as Tara Gilesbie. She is Gothic to the extreme. You know she's Gothic because she's posted a petition to declare herself a Goth because she took an online quiz and she also shops at places like Hot Topic and wears black all the time, because all Goths wear black and shop at Hot Topic to get their overpriced, low-quality, pre-packaged subculture paraphernalia. Duuuuuuuuuuuh.
As of now, it is unknown whether or not Tara is a troll. But it can be said that if she is a troll, she is one of the most meticulous, realistic trolls ever to exist. Her story has a chronological story of her best friend and she got into an enormous fight dealing with a Gerard Way poster or some bullshit like that -- all in the author's notes. She even has a LiveJournal [1] that she never updates!
If she isn't a troll, I will be first in line to buy a semi-automatic with which to blow my brains out.
[edit] Memorable Quotes
- "Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn’t cause he had a headache. “What have you done!” He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) “Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists.”
- “No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.” said Profesor Trevolry. “He duzzn’t know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1”
- “Yeah I don’t think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!” I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. “OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NAO!”
- Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
- “VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”
- "He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
- "I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive."
- "Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was…………………….Tom Bombodil!1111"
- “omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.”
- "I laffed statistically"
- "I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued"
- "He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy."
- "Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans."
- “STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck. “He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”
- “Oh my fuking satan!1”
- “Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class.” you said finally hoping he couldn’t c da potion in ur pocket." (Point of view change!)
- "'Yah siriusly.' I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily."
- "They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag."
- "Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married." (The hacked chapter 39)
- "...I asked gothikally."
- “Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11” said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.
“U fucking prep!11” we all yielded angrily.
“Yah u betrayed us!111” shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.
“No u don’t understand!1” screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake’s.
“No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111” said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1).
- "I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out."
- "I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears."
- "“Oh. My. Fucking. God!” I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR."
- " I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC."
- "And then…………… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time."
- "I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face."
- "“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice."
- "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.
“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”"
- "I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times..."
- "I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said……………………… “Tara, I see drak times are near.” She said badly."
- “Hey BTW my name’s ebondy dark’ness dementia TARA way what’s yours?”
- "We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie."
- "I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
- “ABRA KEDABRA!!11111” I shooted."
- "I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces..."
- We started tiling of each other’s cloves fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then……………………… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.
- "“OMFG Draco Draco!” I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep."
- "Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way."
- "Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!"
- "“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb."
- "Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly."
- "Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent."
- "Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. "
- "“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. "
- "“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) “Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away."
- "“Kawai.” B’loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. “Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he’s a necphilak.”"
- "I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois"
- "They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it."
- "And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand."
- A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree.
- Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”
- “Cum on Enoby.” said Proffesor Sinatra.
- He was hung lik a stallone.
- “CUM NOW!1!” Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.
- She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it.
- Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly
- He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire.
- “Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
- now everything was making sense for me.
- she started to cry black tears of depression.
- “I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”
- “Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”
- “Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.”
- “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums”
- “Oh my fukking god!! Voldimort! Voldimort!” screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort’s.
[edit] IT'S OVER 10,000!!!!
Yes, it's true. My Immortal has recieved over 10,000 reviews, srsly. However, close inspection has shown the majority of these are flames and trolling attempts. Good work, Anon.
Examples of the win:
| — Preach it, Lady Whitehart |
| —FOR THE WIN, WhimsicalSoul! |
| —Good advice is seldom followed, Penguin God. |
| —Sarcastic Criticism, K. E. Knight |
| —It takes a brave man to stomach all of this quivering emosity taking up precious bandwidth. |
Of course, as ED had proven, there is no win without epic amounts of fail. Examples of said fail:
| —imjlotherealone, proving that he is indeed a self-absorbed basement dweller. |
| —GawffickGurl666, pointing out that she is probably Tara in disguise. |
| —XXXXXXXIMAGIRLWHOSSUICIDALX..., proving that an heroes rock the shit. |
| —xXx666icutatmidddnight666xX..., proving that single person orgies are indeed possible. And that it\s more likely than you think. |
[edit] Tara Fanclub
Tara's horrific writing has garnered a fanclub among the other 14-year old sluts, aptly called the Tara Gilesbie Fan Club [2]. Most of those involved a rather creepy, cult-like worship of Tara. It was this fanclub that initiated a mass translation of the story, into French, Spanish, Dutch, German, Italian, Japanese and Russian. No one has suggested to translate it into English, much to our surprise.
[edit] Other fan clubs
[edit] Legacy
Tara has affected an entire generation of fanfic writers. She "influenced" many stories, parody or otherwise (but mostly parody).
[edit] Tara-esque Authors
See main article.
[edit] Tara-esque Stories
An epic lose list.
| This section is TL;DR. |
- Harry Loves Draco A story about Harry and Draco's steamy gay relationship. Anal raping included.
- Hermione Granger and the Sixth Year Makeover A pre-HBP goffik tale about Hermione becoming goffik.
- My Immortal - The infamous fic.
- I’m Not Okay – This poor little rich girl has an iPod and expensive clothing, despite being “unfortunate” and getting abused by her adoptive parents. She thinks MCR is metal, and probably has never heard of anything decent.
- Ghost of You – Sneak Peek: “’’Virginia (there’s u Tara luvya gurl lolz!) and Cho, whose nickname is Dementia after her middle name, (Filly u rock bitch, MCR rock 666!1) were standing next to her, looking excited.’’”
- Not Another Gothic Fanfic Cliché!
- T3H DRAMA ZOMG – I laughed so hard; I coughed up blood and cried gastric juice.
- Shadow’ness Ebony Darkness Death Raven Satan Smith - Obvious troll.
- My Immortal Foster’s Style
- Bring Me To Life - Incest fic. Viower excretion advised.
- Whisper – A very promising beginning. The author has aborted this fic because she couldn’t pull a halfway decent plot from her ass.
- Imaginary – An airheaded lassie spends her time having teh sex with Harry. Beware of the sheer number of crackwhore references.
- Call Me Wen UR sober –Voldemort’s biggest weakness is cheese.
- beautifully dark –We can’t all life in a world where everyone is appallingly gorgeous. I want to get a lip pissring now.
- bring me back 2 life – This Sue’s math skills will brutally slaughter your brain.
- Lips Like Morphine
- 1000 tearz or deth
- The Difficulties of Being a Vampire - Emo Harry Potter.
- My Immortal: The Remake - FHC: Fucking Huge Correction
- Consequences of a Hijacked Account Fanfic written by the same hacker of My Immortal.
- My Immortal: My Remake
- Sugar We're Going Down - Emo Sailor Moon
- An impressive try at writing down a trainwreck
- Goffik Island
- Canser - My Chemical Romance songfic.
- GINERVA SERENITYROSA JANETANGELA MADONNA WEASLY
- Poter Sues, Part 2
- My Bleeding Crimson Despair
- My Immortal Troll
- Head Like a Hole - Idolizes Nirvana instead of My Chemical Romance
- The Ultimate Evil
- My Immortal, the Decent-Enough-To-Read version
- 4 Eva and eva ma luv
- Time Machine - Another fic that has been turned into a movie on YouTube. The author loves Tara and gives her good reviews.
- Things Forgotten
- snow white queen - by "Terra".
- XSUNGFIC_BRONG_ME_2_LYF_CHOVOLDEMORT_PARINGSX
- Just google any Evanescence song and you're likely to get a Tara fanfic.
[edit] The Movie
Some time ago, these movies appeared on the intarwebz. A dramatic visualization of the story, it is filled with epic win. Uses pretty pictures to keep you focused on the horrible, horrible story.
Trailer
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
[edit] The Novel
Yes, someone has decided that people would rather spend $7.48 on a book that can be read online for free. Whoever "U.N.Owen" is, his/her editing is almost as good as Tara's writing.
[edit] Other Videos
[edit] I'm Not Okay
[edit] On Fox News
[edit] External Links
- FanFiction.Net : My Immortal: The story that started it all.
- FanFiction.Net : Profile : XXXbloodyrists666XXX: The culprit.
- FanFiction.Net : HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Everything My Immortal isn't.
- Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way WALKS THE PLANK: Courtesy of SueDestroyers.
- In French: Mon Immortel
- In Spanish: Mi Inmortal
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My Immortal is part of a series on Trolls. |
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