NarkAgent
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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NarkAgent, otherwise known as habzamaphone, is an attention whore blogger who enjoys spilling all the bizarre details of her life for public consumption.
Contents |
The Habzamaphone/_sterlingroses_ Saga
Habz's LiveJournal account is a fascinating and perfect example of the free soap operas that are available all over the internets, although it has unfortunately recently gone friends only due to Habz's mistaken belief that the IP of her boyfriend's ex turning up on her hitcounter amounts to stalking. Her definition of "stalking" also covers comments that do other than agree completely with her uber-rose-tinted outlook on her life.
Habz is dating some bloke named D. She goes on and on about the "problems" caused by D's ex _sterlingroses_, problems which would be solved if Habz and D would just ignore _sterlingroses_'s occasional emails, and if Habz would stop stirring shit with blog titles clearly designed to piss her off. Extensive and detailed examination of Habz and _sterlingroses_'s blogs reveals that both Habz and _sterlingroses_ enjoy going into crazy amounts of detail over highly personal businesses, in a public place that is up for public consumption by anonymous types.
This source of internet joy, gossip and downright nosey-parker curtain-twitching is surely the true purpose of the Internet.
The Nature of the Beast That Is Habz's Relationship
Habz and D's union was founded by a drunken kiss while D was still engaged to _sterlingroses_. It just so happened that _sterlingroses_ was getting intimate that night herself. Habz counts the 19th August as the start of her relationship.
D was still telling _sterlingroses_ that he loved her several months into his relationship with Habz, who decided to stick by him in the bloody-minded, doormat-like and downright stupid conviction that one day he would prefer Habz to _sterlingroses_. When _sterlingroses_ got married, some point in the fourth or fifth month of D's relationship with Habz, D did not tell _sterlingroses_ that he still loved her and that they should give their relationship another go. It was all in her head. _sterlingroses_ refused to accept this crap. Habz decided to stick with D "because I figured he needed me more than ever," though what he actually needed was a swift kick up the arse with some hobnailed, steel-toecapped boots.
Habz freely admits that her aim in life is to have children. Upon giving birth, she plans to leave work and be a stay-at-home mother. Her Amazon wishlist already contains Disney videos and cookery books.
The two have been together for just under 2 years and already have a mortgage together. Habz does all the housework, with D deigning to do the hoovering every now and again. They have a £200k house which they can afford with their healthy combined income. These are clearly kids who know how to plan for the future.
Relevant Citations from Habzamaphone's Geoshitties Site
(taken from here - page since removed)
"The first thing I remember Dave saying to me was "How much does it cost to get you in it?" when I was wearing my "I don't get out of bed for less than a grand" T-shirt. The first thing I remember saying to him was, "Don't do it. It'll never last" about his upcoming engagement. Instinct has done me proud."
[saucer of milk (and some humble pie) for table 2]
"On the 8th July, I received a phone call from Dave asking me to meet him for dinner. He had just ended his relationship and was feeling very fragile. I turned up, and we chatted away, like friends do, but after dinner, on the way to the car, he pulled me over and kissed me. That was just the beginning."
[mmm, healthy, straight after he broke up with a long-term partner]
"In October, in the run up to eachother's birthdays, (I'm 2 days older than Dave), we spent virtually every mintute together. We lived at eachother's houses, and we were always together at uni on account of being lab partners, and because we always shared the same car into uni. By the time our birthdays came we were getting quite settled with eachother."
"November was a rough month that nearly saw the end of our relationship on my part. However, realising that Dave was in a state of shock, I stuck by him, and it paid off. I'm glad I didn't leave."
[this was the point where he told his ex he wanted to give it another go with her]
"We've had the occasional scuffle along the way, but all couples do. It's especially hard when forces outside your control are working against you."
[bitch please, you cheated with him on that girl and you expect her to accept it?]
"Between April and May we sat exams... I frequently found my mood was very negative... He never gave up, and he never gave in to my moods. He just told me that he loved me, that he was glad he had picked me."
[sounds too much like Pop Idol for me - "Simon, pick meeee"!]
YES, GLORIOUS DRAMA
Like whores to an AIDS clinic or sailors to Banaan's mother, these two cum-guzzling white trash chav hos immediately gravitated to ED and continued the circle jerk across this site's talk pages. Much detail on the situation was supplied by these trailer trash princesses, much to the lulz of all those who watched with car-crash fascination at how completely out of their fucking minds the self-important and soon to be pregnant e-prostitutes were. Neither one had any idea as to what ED was about, and seemed to labour under the impression that people actually gave a fuck about truth, accuracy, fairness or anything other than porn, drugs and lulz.
The hilarity can be found here:
