Natalie Portman
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Natalie Portman is an tree-hugging Israeli-American chick with small boobs. Yes, she is a Jewish. It seems the whole Internets is obsessed with her, and for good reason. Despite her popularity, it's a known fact that she becomes less suitable as a fap target by the month.
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[edit] Biography
Natalie Portman was born in the land of the terrorists like over 25 years ago or something. Her real last name is Hershlag, but she changed it to the surname Portman no doubt because Hershlag is too Jewish-sounding. She was discovered in a pizza parlor at the age of 12 by a pedophile who claimed he was a model scout. Yeah, ok. I bet that's what they all say. For the next several years, she starred in a shit-load of movies and got an education.
[edit] Natalie Portman's Filmography
- Léon (aka The Professional) is a
stupidawesome French movie which was used as wank material for pedophiles. - Heat is a movie that nobody watched, probably because it sucked.
- Beautiful Girls is a movie that nobody watched, probably because it sucked.
- Mars Attacks is a gay liberal movie in which she made out with a retard because aliens had killed everyone else.
- She then proceeded to tarnish her promising career by starring in a trilogy of stupid movies directed by a guy without a fucking neck.
- Closer is the movie where she cosplays as Stephanie from Lazy Town.
- V for Vendetta is a crappy film about a burnt-up anarchist revolutionary behind a mask. Portman starred in this movie as his bald prison bitch. The directors (the same dicks who made The Matrix) watered down the fact that he's an anarchist fighting against a Fascist government and made him a vague "freedom fighter". American audiences interpreted him as being a liberal standing up against Neoconservatives which effectively pissed off the creator of the graphic novel comic series and made anarchist groups cry. It all amounted to little more than another liberal movie like Mars Attacks. Portman said she wanted the role in V for Vendetta because her character (and this is a real quote) "[is] often bad and does things that you don't like...Being from Israel was a reason I wanted to do this because terrorism and violence are such a daily part of my conversations." OMG she's a TERRORIST!!! OH NOES! Although , epic lulz occur as she becomes a new age lesbian as she gets her hair shaved and gets a love letter from another jail friend.
[edit] Facts and Myths about Natalie Portman
Myth -- Natalie Portman is a virgin
Hell no. Bitch lost her virginity to Anakin Skywanker. He met her as a little kid and held in that nut until he got to bust it in her after the end of Episode II. This explains her immediate pregnancy. And he was supposed to be 5 years younger than her. Nice!
Fact -- Natalie Portman is not human
According to very reliable sources that shall not be disclosed due to security reasons, she is actually a Robot from the future that was created by the Jews to conquer the present world by hypnotizing all the men and using them as warrior slaves. Oh well. Ignorance is bliss.
Myth -- Natalie Portman isn't that hot
You're fucking joking, right? Anyone who doesn't think she's hot is either a homosexual or a fat woman.
Myth -- Natalie Portman knows politics
No, Natalie Portman pretends to know politics, much like that faggot singer from Green Day.
Fact -- Natalie Portman is a jew
Well having a funny shaped nose, being in 3 amazing star wars movies omgomgomg and shaving her hair all for money = JEW.
[edit] Gallery
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