Nathaniel "Candyvan" Wood
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] The Man Himself - Nathaniel "Candy-Van" Wood
- Nathaniel "Candy-Van" Wood (born 2 May 1969) Originaly came to England on a Banannaboat from the marshes of Vietnam he is born to a Canadian Chihuahua and a Moroccan ice cream sundae in his home town of Backdoorsiegovia. Where he was chased out by a pack of angry assed mothers of small Vietnamese ladyboys. Started his own candyshop named "Strawberry Suprise" when in fact, the surprise was located between his legs. Given his outrageous camp demeanour this is an unusual paedophilia case that has baffled law enforcement worldwide. He is well admired in the paedo fraternity for creating the rent boy business finance program "Touch Now Rent Later" He is known to follow a few sports especially the Vietnamese young persons volleyball league which he watches with an unsuprising amount of pleasure on his face and usually a baguette in his pocket. Also a noted high ranking and founding member of Nambla
- He has a deformation of his right arm from which a child bit off his arm while he was touching him in the special area, Now he fashions a giant lollypop stick for an arm that he uses to lure unsuspecting children of all nationalities, It is also noted that he has an 18 inch black dildo that he uses as a pegleg type object. It is rumoured has it his favourites are the yellows and apu's. Please remember and be aware he uses an ice cream truck theme tune as his weapon of choice to fool these helpless children into his claws of perversity.
[edit] List of countries pested in
1 United-Kingdom -
82 Counts of fondle without due care 16 counts of fondle with no reacharound
2 Vietnam -
108 Counts of fondle and not pay maintenance 46 counts of providing alcohol to minors
3 China -
1 count of fondling a dog 3 counts of touching a pope or other religious official
4 North Korea -
18932 counts of rape 1282 counts of child molestation Also suspected of trying to amass a crew of seamen to go on a voyage to new worlds and new holes.
5 Pakistan -
1 count of fondling a curry 1 count of raping a goat and cow in a crazy manage a trois
6 Malawi -
78 counts of rape 16 counts of indecent photos 1 count of posing as a mascot to touch kids
7 Zamibia -
14 counts of sexual harrasment 18 counts of touch and run
8 Kerghystan -
1 count of adultery 16 counts of rape
(Also note he's infamous for being the first man to fondle the small tibetan tribe atop the mount fukui, and the foremost suspect iin the Madeleinne McCann case though he denies as he points to the fact he usually touches yellow children)
[edit] Place's he frequent's
Big boy charlies ice cream factory.
Lil Timmys tool time toy shop
Saint Annes Baptist church for children
Big Rod Steelworks
The Swallow Inn
Percys Lunchbox
[edit] Celebrity Associates
Candyvan himself has been spotted openly sticking the peverbial two-fingers up at law enforcement agencies around the world by choosing to frequent well known and publicised partie's/events, Some of which have included Birthday parties(adult and child) bar-mitzvah's, S&M parties and Gay parades. Candyvan is known to have a lot of highly influential powerful figures in the showbiz world and it is widely thought he believes this link to high powered celebrities can avoid jail for himself just like Orange Juice Simpson He is known to mix in various circles of all ethnicities and characters but his best known friend is Gary Glitter for whom he once spent a whole week in the same condo on a team "bonding" trip with some young vietnamese kids.
[edit] In the news
A BBC REPORT ON NATHANIEL TAKEN LAST YEAR WHEN HE WAS CAUGHT IN THAILAND
A suspected paedophile who appears in 200 internet images abusing young boys has been named by Thai police as a Canadian teaching English in Asia.
They said he was Nathaniel "Candyvan" Wood , 19. Interpol said they had indentified the suspect but did not name him.
Interpol had appealed for public information after the suspect's digitally-swirled image in internet photos was unscrambled by experts.
Interpol said the suspect had flown from GuangGuang to Thailand last week.
It has released a security camera image of the man arriving at Bangkok airport on 11 October on a flight from Seoul.
"He is now internationally known," said Mick Moran, the Interpol officer leading the search for the suspect.
"Interpol's network is very large. I have no doubt that we will find him - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely we will find him."
Unprecedented appeal
The first pictures of the man were found three years ago in Germany. The pictures had been manipulated to disguise the man's face with a swirl pattern, but German computer specialists managed to produce identifiable images which were posted on Interpol's website a week ago.
UNFOLDING INVESTIGATION
Dec 2004: Abuse photos, some date-stamped 2002 or 2003, found on internet
8 Oct 2007: Interpol's global appeal for information
9 Oct: Interpol says more than 200 responses received
11 Oct: Suspect flies into Bangkok on one-way ticket
After an appeal for information, the suspect was identified by five different sources from three continents as a man teaching English at a school in South Korea, Interpol said.
Police then established his name, nationality, date of birth, passport number and current and previous places of work.
Panaspong Sirawongse, Interpol chief in Thailand, named the suspect as Nathaniel "Candyvan" Wood.
He told Reuters the Canadian had worked at an international school in Thailand between 2003 and 2004.
Photographs of the suspect published on the internet show him apparently abusing 12 boys in Vietnam and Cambodia. Image of suspect shown on Interpol website Security cameras show the suspect at Bangkok airport last week
"Thai police are collecting evidence and information from neighbouring countries and other Interpol members to seek a court order for an arrest warrant," Thai police Colonel Apichart Suriboonya told the French news agency AFP.
Interpol maintains a database of 520,000 images of child sex abuse submitted by 36 member states.
Using sophisticated software, investigators have identified and rescued nearly 600 victims from 31 countries.
- people are welcome to add and tidy up this article
- **** DISCLAIMER - This article is all fiction and any relevance to person/persons similar or completely fucking identical to this are probably not true.. but don't be too trusting. Anyway this article is written as a comedy piece and no truth or fact is to be extracted from this - DISCLAIMER ****
