Native Americans
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Native Americans, or "injuns", as they like to be called, are the indigenous peoples of America. They got pwned by Columbus during the colonization of America, and their spirits have been crushed ever since. Native americans are relatively untrollable due to widespread depression about their decimation. Either that or they're too fucked up on Listerine and don't respond. The Indian reservations don't sell alcohol on Sundays, so an alcohol substitute was created by diluting a bottle of cheap hairspray, usually the 99 cent Aqua Net, in a gallon of water. This beverage in known as ocean. When you drink it it makes you want to pass out on the railroad tracks. This usually results in the consumer getting pwned by a freight train.
If you're in search of the red, normally you can find them at the beer vendor, spending their government cheques while clutching to their crack babies, bitching about how they live on a reserve yet never make the effort to get a job. Most female injuns become Teenmommies by the age of 13.
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[edit] Slurs
America has failed itself as a nation in coming up with a winning epithet for the native american, mainly due to troll's remorse. These failures include:
- Prairie nigger
- Squaw
- Neechee
- Red nigger
- Rez nigger
- Chief
- Savage
- Indian
- Cochese
- Redskin
- Chug
- Nate
- Kawish (for Canadian natives Innus who come from Labrador, newfoundland, nunavut and all those shitty territories where nobody but them lives. They can be easily recognized as they are all catholics, fat, and been smoking and sniffing gazoline-in-a-bag since the age of 5.)
Use of the above names by various sports franchises should not be confused with the common slur, since everyone knows calling a sports team something like the "niggers" is simply tradition and is a compliment meant to honor the spirits of the people being used. Besides, everyone likes it and changing your hat would cost real money.
It's best to use these names here
[edit] Native Tribe Speak
Throughout living the rough life in reserves and poor areas of the city, natives have developed their own version of English, not really English, not really Cree, but all around retarded. Here are some examples of their mystic language
- Naii: Often used in conjuncture with the word "Boyy" has no absolute use, other than to represent the two words "hey!" and "what?" at the same time. Cannot be pronounced without clicking you tongue in synchronization with saying the N sound in the word
- Shitfuck: Natives usually combine swear words together to try and come off as more intense, but they only come off as more retarded.
- Jesusfuck: combining "Jesus Christ" and "Fuck" together for a double whammy of retardedness
- Err: Often used in conjuncture with the words "Boyy", "Buddyy", and lastly "Shitfuck". Basically means gross and is said when the native has a distaste for something.
- Ever Sick: When a native usually has an extreme distaste for something
- Weenuk: Has absolutely no fucking meaning whatsoever, sometimes used in combinations with "Shitfuck" and "McGluck"
- Meegwich: Means "thank you" even though saying thank you would make everyones day less complicated.
- McGluck: Doesnt have a meaning either
- Not evennnnn!: Said when a "lie" is told. Like they're dirtier than hobos and have ugly women, amirite?
[edit] Red Man's Greed
On the show South Park, the creators showed how native americans are greedy and want to destroy whole towns to build super-highways directly to their casinos'. The show showed the epic struggle of how the greedy native americans bought the land and then infected the entire town with blankets crawling with the SARS virus as a sort of'peace offering.'
However this is only prominent in the U.S.A. where natives actually own anything other than a rag and a bottle of paint thinner. They leech off government cheques, destroying brand new houses made for them on the reserve and in the North End, pawning off anything of value in the house for bottles of Stone Cold and Listerine. Remember; it's not a Native if they're not holding a giant bottle of Listerine.
Natives also have the delusion that white people still owe them something even though they've been living off their tax dollars for at least a 100 years. In certain parts of Canada, they make up for this by stealing mountain bikes. They display sympathy invoking commericals that say "Let The Healing Continue".
[edit] Types Of Natives
- Listobums: Homeless natives that travel in groups of 3 or more, they drink listerine anywhere they damn please and in a very social fashion, the upside to their obnoxious drunken behaviour is that they always have fresh breath and sometimes go blind for extra lulz
- Teenmommies: Always taking up your seat on the bus with their fucking salvation army baby strollers. They cant control their kids and they sure cant control their vaginas either. Their favorite place to dwell is infront of Portage Place while smoking a cig and not paying attention to their multiple unwanted children.
- Indian Posse: When the young male native grows dissatisfied with making an honest living, he takes to joining a gang and robs white 13 year olds of their allowances. Whether its claiming to be a blood, crip, zigzag, or I.P., you can rest assured that in 2 years he'll be spending a brief stint in Stoney Mountain for carrying a concealed kitchen knife.
- 12-year-old pot dealer: Constantly asking you at various inconvenient times if you want to buy some weed, this native not only sells shake, he sells really bad shake. Only hanging out somewhere near his big brother, dont try to jack up this kid or hell squeal away on his bmx and come back with two 6-foot tall natives with failed attempts at moustaches.
[edit] Native Rap Culture
As Natives are an unoriginal and an entirely pathetic race, they have taken to mooching off of other cultures.. mainly black people, as they attempt to sing about their plights in a sad attempt at hip-hop and/or rap. All of these attempts fail even more than the exploits of the Wiggerfolk.
However the only good example of this is The North End Connection, a group of Natives who sing about the rough times of living in the North End of Winnipeg, the city with the largest native population in the world. They are composed of: Chief Thief, Lance, and some other random gas huffer.
North End Connections
The RCMP always chases me:
Once apon a time
it happened last week,
oh yeah....
(police sirens....)
You hear something?
ah fuck, Dammit!
fuckin busted again
...okay what did i do?
Whatever fuck!
The RCMP is always chasin me and i have no fuckin clue why,
Jesus Fuck!
The more the more the more gas that i huff it fuckin makes me insane,
and then i do these stupid things and have nobody to blame;
like robbing liquor stores and fuckin punchin old ladies, curb stompin whities, slappin bitches and shakin their babies!-
-Cause im an indian, thats right hundred percent creee
i hang out downtown in a bus shack always drinkin OV,
Nice fuckin shoes you dont mind if i try them on, HOLY SHIT THE FUCKIN FIT - naii boy consider em gone!
I put the nate back into native i dont know my own name
drunk as a skunk cant even walk and always feelin the same
im always puking cause im hammared passin out on a bench
Holy Jesus fuckin god what is that stench...? me.
The RCMP always chasing me cause im a smelly fuckin native and i cant even see!
The RCMP always chasing me cause i beat up my wife with the branch from a tree!
The RCMP is always chasing me cause i stole six cases of Mr. Clean!
The RCMP always chasing me becasue i stink. naii.
Naiii Boy........
[edit] Prominent Native Americans
 Cher - famous slut |
 That Guy From The Village People - legendary faggot |
 Kneeling Buffalo getting sucked off by some gay fetishest |
 Injun Joe - foe of Captain America |
 Larry the minty homebum (known to be able to chug 3 bottles of listerine in under 10 minutes) |
 Geronimo and his Apache Murderers |
 Phaedriel, Wikipedia's hottest emo slut |
 spectral photography analysis reveals the "crying indian" actually just had some spooge in his eye |
A Native man demonstrates his class by shitting in a potted plant in public
Skip to 1:14
[edit] Injuns, America's First Furries
Prone to eating peyote, sitting in sweat lodges, and hallucinating that they had "animal spirits", injuns inadvertently pioneered furrydom in America. Long before neckbearded basement-dwellers ever thought of themselves as purple otters, the injuns had pictured themselves as wolves, rubbed excrement on their faces, and bayed at the moon.
 fuck you, i'm a birdy |
 fuck you, i'm a bison |
 fuck you, i'm a raccoon |
 fuck you, i'm Hawkman |
[edit] Legacy
Actually, the only legacy they left behind them are high poverty rates, empty listerine bottles, and another generation of kids born with F.A.S. to mooch off of the welfare system, as well as the abominable assortment of names which constitutes whatever's left of their shameful family trees. Names like Nathaniel, Jeremaye, Ruby, Eliezer and Eagle.
[edit] What Injuns Are Saying About ED
| —Rob, butthurt injun |
After making these comments, he pulled a bottle of Listerine out of his pants, shook a baby, and passed out in a public area with his pants soiled. Interiorly knowing that this article spekks teh TROOTZ, when he woke up, he went to vote for George Bush, because Bush is a racist Nazi and will eliminate his global warming causing Indian ass off the earth.
[edit] Fact of the day
(Produced by request of Native Americans)
Most people edutated in the West think that Enron is either;
(a) The first name of the founder of scientology
(b) A song by the Beach Boys
(c) A Rivendell elf leader in Lord of the Rings
(d) A Disney movie in which humans are sucked into a computer game
(e) An abbreviation used by King Henry the First of England
(f) Something even less funny
In fact, Enron is a shoe manufacturer that conned the US Government out of five dollar last Thursday. They used the finance to sell Winchester rifles to Rednecks in the Mid West so that they could wipe out Red Indians. Probably.
[edit] Fact of the Day 2
"Scalping" was actually popularised not by Native Americans but by French Canadians, who offered the Injuns a bounty on every American scalp (or "Coonskin Cap" in sekrit code) they could collect. This addition was not added by request of American Indians; it was added because making fun of the French is even funnier.
Fucking French.
