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Necrophilia

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Warna Brotha! FACT ALERT:
It's not necrophilia if they're still warm!
They even have their own magazine.
They even have their own magazine.
Dead girls always do it wrong.
Dead girls always do it wrong.

Necrophilia is where a living person performs sexual acts upon a non-living person.

Necrophiliacs or necrosexuals are by tolerant groups seen as victims of the breathing majority's patriarchy, and often referred to as people with non-animated partners. It is completely natural. In fact, my child is a necrosexual and I'm so proud that he's finally out.

Necrophilia brings a completely new meaning to the phrase "It's always good to crack open a cold one". However, some others, known as "somnophilics" will make do with an unconscious bitch.

Note: "Dead bitches don't know they gonna get raped"


Contents

[edit] Who are they?

This child will likely become a necrophiliac.
This child will likely become a necrophiliac.

It is mostly common within Christian circles (especially Catholicism), and is frowned upon, even illegal in most places of the world except Utah. But hey, in some parts of the United States, it's only a misdemeanor. Enjoy!

  • Most necrophiliacs believe themselves to be the angel of death.
  • All dead people are necrophiliacs.
  • All necrophiliacs will never enjoy a good blowjob.
  • Necrophiliacs can be found checking the obituaries in their local newspaper.
  • Of all sexual predators, necrophiliacs are the safest to be around.
  • All necrophiliacs fantasize of working as a mortician. However, that is the equivalent of a pedophile working with children's colonoscopy.
  • If you are not currently a necrophiliac, you will become one. Encyclopedia Dramatica knows this because you are reading it.

[edit] Various types of necrosexuals

A necropedophile's wet dream.
A necropedophile's wet dream.
Makes for good music. Amirite?!
Makes for good music. Amirite?!
  • Pyrophile: Enjoys watching partner burn to death. Christian pyrophiles wait until their wedding night, where they usually soak their partner in petrol and torch them, masturbating furiously until they climax before shooting themselves in the head.
  • Neo-necro: See W.
  • Abortophile: Becomes erect exclusively when watching female partner have a miscarriage. Only gets laid bi-annually. Popular among Something Awful's writers.
  • Necropedophile: Faps to dead children.

[edit] A step-by-step guide

Bestiality or necrophilia? You be the judge.
Bestiality or necrophilia? You be the judge.
Did your cock just twitch?
Did your cock just twitch?
  1. Find a corpse (working in a mortuary helps). Alternatively, make your own corpse!
  2. Make sure it's naked.
  3. Make sure no-one's watching.
  4. Pull down your pants.
  5. Insert your cock in the ass of the corpse.
  6. Make a thrusting movement with your hips until you cum.
  7. Burn the body. That'd be hot.
  8. ???
  9. PROFIT


[edit] Necrophilia Camwhores

[edit] RL example of corpse-fuckery

The dead girl. I would totally hit that shit too.
The dead girl. I would totally hit that shit too.

Last Thursday three upstanding youths, who were unable to get any pu55y through traditional means, embarked on a magical adventure to their local cemetery.

Their distinguished leader had previously been skimming the local obituaries (which are sort of like the classifieds section, but better) and noticed a suitable mate. Being a Nice Guy, he offered to share her with his twin brother and BFF.

The trio, being responsible practitioners of safe sex, made sure to stop and procure some condoms. They made progress digging up the sexy corpse, but being ignorant white trash they were unaware of the modern custom of enclosing coffins in a concrete vault (which works as a chastity belt for the dead people).

Giving up like a bunch of pussies upon seeing the concrete, the three headed back home, but on the way there got pwnt by cops. Their addresses can be found here.

[edit] Other Known Necrophiliacs

More of this hot art here.
More of this hot art here.
If your cock just twitched then you ARE a sick fuck and a pedophile.
If your cock just twitched then you ARE a sick fuck and a pedophile.

[edit] See Also

NOT RAEP
NOT RAEP

[edit] Fact of the Day

Reverse Necrophilia.
Reverse Necrophilia.

In New Hampshire common-law marriage can still only be contracted posthumously. Brain dead patients are not accepted as spouses under New Hampshire's right-to-life legislation, whereas potential partners with an IQ under 50 are legally defined as non-sentient and are therefore fair game in the "Go to the mountain" state.



Necrophilia
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