Net Neutrality
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Commonly known as "the second biggest lie ever told" (right behind The Holocaust and edging out Evolution), Net Neutrality is a buzzword that was invented by internet savvy jackasses who are obvious masters of the internets to pacify the bleeding-heart stupid liberal furries that are under the illusion that any one gives a crap about what they think. "I oppose those who oppose net neutrality!", you might hear from those who don't know an anus from a black hole. Dream on, packet peon. Not only have you no say in the matter, your monthly access payment helps fund the effort of those who do. How do you like them ironic apples?
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What the fuck is Net Neutrality?
As made obvious in the video, Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T are all Martian space ships out to raep us.
The Conspiracy
While it is popularly told that Al Gore invented the internets, the only thing he ever invented was global warming. Al Gore is simply a faceman for the Illuminati, and the internets was truly invented by the Illuminati to control the flow of information to the world.
Go to Google and search for "French Military Victories" and hit "I'm feeling lucky" to see it in action. Proof positive of the Illuminati's brutal oppression of the truth at work.
The Methods
The Illuminati and Jews want nobody to know of their plots, lest their entire power base collapse. Usually, this means the utilization of hooded enforcers to make dissenters disappear at night. They have also awoken sleeper agents in governing bodies. You may find it necessary to sleep with a nightstick under your pillow to ward off hooded enforcers.
Also related is bandwidth throttling, in which ISPs attempt to scream "poverty" due to t3h haxx0rz clogging up all the Internet tubes and threatening National Security. Notable cases include Comcast and more notably Cox, but only because of their name. Nobody actually cares about this, except the ISPs, because pr0n is easier to find than Your Mom, and that's all the net is for anyway. Besides, anyone with a degree in Computer Science III already knows how to encrypt their traffic.
Recipe for net neutrality panic
- One fucking huge internet content provider that wants to set up its own network
- One fucking huge telecom company that sells data, television, and telephone service on the same network cables
- Some vague and out of context quotations from the telecom company's CEO
- Over 9000 obese basement dwellers who live in mortal fear of having to go outside
Combine ingredients into a massive PR campaign to convince the basement dwellers that the content provider is a helpless underdog that can't afford the telecom company's rates, and if Congress doesn't do something right away they will LOSE THEIR PRECIOUS INTERNET OMG. Continue mixing until the FCC orders the telecom company to lease its network to the content provider almost for free, so that the content provider can use them in direct competition.
The Conspiracy Against Myself
As much as people love to complain about this, what's been lost in the shuffle is how the very companies suggesting this new pay plan are setting up for self-pwning.
Basically, right now, there are a few big ISPs and a few small ones. The big ones are big because they have bigger, more developed networks. In other words, they're the biggest and the fastest. That's why they can charge so much for services. It's like having a really fast, cool looking sports car. The whole reason to have it is to show off and enjoy the freedom of mobility.
With net neutrality removed, they'll limit where you can go on the internet. Essentially putting the fast sports car on a treadmill in the garage. Sure, it still looks cool and goes really fast, but you're not going anywhere. Ergo, there's no point to it.
Meanwhile, the small ISPs will realize this new law only says you *can* charge for access, but you *don't have to*. By simply not taking advantage of this, they'll immediately have a major edge over the big ISPs. End result, given the choice between being able to go where you want a little slower or go to a few places quickly, most people are going with full access.
So the small ISPs get more business, build up their networks, and basically bitch up the big ISPs who pushed this very stupid law through. Remember the old "pay to play" schemes? Remember what happened to them when free game matching services came around? Yeah. It's like that.
Virgins vs Virgin: The Resistance
Last Thursday, the CEO of Virgin Media announced that he wasn't even going to pretend to maintain net neutrality. Like a butthurt 13 year old boy, he said it was "bullocks" which gives him the right to sell our interbutt however he sees fit. He plans to make sponsored sites load faster. Guaranteed, the chans and ED will slow down for Britfags now (but who cares, amirite?). No one cares for the British, not even the British.
Bitch with tits says "net neutrality bad".
Even wannabe Britfag Madonna is involved in this epic war.
Overview
Some internet content providers are causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay for, thus lowering profits. This is a classic example of the lawyer and accountants takeover.
Old Internet (Net Neutrality) = You pay for what you use.
- You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
- Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
- Not a big truck.
NO Net Neutrality = We all pay twice:
- You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
- Internet content providers will have to charge you for usage.
- Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
- Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to compensation for causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay for.
- Not a series of tubes.
ISP/BACKBONE win because it's the law.
See Also
External Links
THE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO FUCK US ALL
ONLY YOU CAN STOP VIRGINS FROM FUCKING OUR INTERNET
