User:Captplanet/Optikal
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Optikal, or Justin, is the very epitome of what all men aspire not to be. He is a best summed up as being a lovelorn basement dweller at FTJ. [1]. He lives with his mother and has no job, but he is better than you. Let's face it. How many people can say they're 28 years old, have no job, lives off of mommy, is a virgin, and thinks it's totally awesome to take pictures of themselves drinking Monster Energy Drinks?
Usually, there is a stickam room that he resides in called FaceTheJury. The password is "gault". If it's up, he is in there.
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The Man
Little is known about Optikal's irl but that is probably due to its non-existent nature. Some have speculated that he may be the love child of the Techno Viking and a Crackwhore simply known only as "Mom", while other believe he congealed somewhere. When he isn't yelling at his mother or shoving buttplugs in his ass, he is frequently lurking in the shadows of FTJ. Optikal's mind is that of a child, he claims to be superior to everyone yet can't seem to hold down a job at target. Needless to say he has no car, no girlfriend/boyfriend, and no job. What makes the Justin case so interesting are his self-imagined romances with other FTJ users, such as that of Architecture (Kaylynn).
The Legend
Justin is also known for his many attempts to become [an hero] but just like every other aspect of his life he manages to fail at them as well. Sometimes however these perceived suicide attempts on cam are merely attempts at garnering attention. Among his vast collection of pornography, which he has affectionately labeled "The Wife", he also has a huge collection of butt plugs that he calls his "little secret boyfriend". Sometimes Optikal will go as far as calling this collection of homoerotica proof of his sexual prowess and experience even thought he is a self-proclaimed (and verified) virgin. He sometimes inserts several of these "little boyfriends" in his ass while masturbating for stickam, which he claims to be a "treatment" for his Irate Ass Sydrome. Interestingly enough Optikal lives in his mother's basement in the great shit state of Connecticut, and many times has gone out of his way to provide shop'd pictures of his windows showing beautiful, green scenery.
Things you can expect from Optikal
- His resentment to anything that is not him
- Sitting in stickam all day trying to get women to take their shirt off.
- Pretending he only talks to women on the internet for his own amusement instead of being a desperate pathetic fuck who knows he will die alone.
- Seeing him in stickam talking in a deeper voice than he actually has.
- Posts from him exclaiming that every woman would want to fuck him but he doesn't want to fuck her.
- His endless posts about how anyone who has sex is just a mindless slave of instinct.
- His endless rants about how people who go to bars are douchebags
- Threads talking about his major life achievements of being known on a website.
Example Video
Optikal also suffers from Internet Tough Guy syndrome. He also is a freelance Air Traffic Controller.
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