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PSP
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
PSP is an obligatory pre-masturbation post-pubescence training tool used by young middle class boys when no catholic churches are present.
"PSP, its a coolio gadget you can play outside." The PLAYzatation Portable (PSP) is Sony's latest technological abortion. Developed to challenge Nintendo's dominance of the handheld gaming market, of course it totally pwnt nintendo DS in any possible way (you cant watch pr0n on a DS!!!)Suitably enough, the PSP is named after a rare brain disease that the developers contacted prior to announcing the project.
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[edit] Gameplay
the PSP has better ZOMGGRAPHIX than the DS,which sucks nigger dick. The PSP has 70+ original games on it, half of which are ZOMG, and 250+ console niggercopies games.
Other games include half-assed ports of just about every bit of PS2 shovelware that has ever come out, ports of PS1 games, ports of Game Boy Advance ports of Wonderswan games, and several other categories of ports. Though Sony successfully baited early adopters with promises of a Gran Turismo port and a Final Fantasy game, these have turned out to be truth.
Another Grand Theft Auto is coming soon, like all the ps2 ones, it will rock AWSOME.
[edit] Features
The PSP comes with a tiny, uncomfortable joystick, scientifically engineered to snap off easily and roll into a sewer grate (thouh they said to make a better one, for model 2000). It only accepts expensive Sony media, making it a compelling option for consumers really looking to take it up the ass, but sony plans to allow licensed homebrew 4 free (it has to be checked out by sony, and the homebrew port has to be bought for a dumb, 120$)
The PSP's battery lasts 5 hours if you don't do anything, just turn it on. It also has state-of-the-art anti-homebrew devices in the firmware to ensure you only play overpriced commercial games (4 now).
The piece of crap can actually compete with the very iPod itself, since DS is just a babies toy, and you can use it as a PS3 controller... the only fucking thing that makes PSP unable to do that is the motherfucking 5 hours-or-less battery stamina. You're listening to some mp3, and suddenly "zOMG what da fuck happened? Battery's out of power... FUCK." One tranquil place in which you're playing that silly ass game Metal Gear Acid, and then "What the.... again?! Fuck you Sony!!"
[edit] Homebrew
Because the games are so shitty, PSP has become host to a thriving homebrew scene, mostly concerned with emulating Game Boy Advance and other Nintendo systems. Unfortunately, Sony is constantly updating the PSP's firmware, and many commercial games will not let you play unless you update. Attempting to crack the firmware will probably "brick," or ruin, your PSP, making it marginally less useful than it would be if it still worked.
Only the most l337 hax0rz will be able to bypass this firmware.
- PissSuckerPortable will be able to play homebrew lglly if u pay 120$
[edit] PSPorn
PSP, like all video game consoles, is a danger to our nation's youth. Even worse is the fact that the PSP has access to hate sites and pronz sites that every child will immediately go to and be brainwashed as soon as possible. Faux News has more on this lulz
[edit] UMD
In the tradition of Betamax, Minidisc, and ATRAC, PSP's primary storage medium, known as the Universal Media Disc(UMD), has taken the baton as the latest proprietary Sony format that nobody uses. Though quite popular at first with mouth-breathing douchebags who thought playing Spiderman movies on their Game Boy would impress women, the format has since fizzled.
Most scholars attribute UMD's failure to its being a shit product that no one would pay money for. In fact, UMD movies cost more than DVD movies, yet they have less storage space and features, and can't be played on televisions. Furthermore, since Sony prohibits distribution of UMD writers or blank UMD media, and UMD is not compatible with anything other than a PSP, the "universality" of the medium isn't immediately apparent. In Sony's defense, however, porn is just as available on UMD as it is on any other format.
[edit] Sony Defense Force: Portable Brigade
As PSP is Sony's first real failure in the gaming industry, Playstation Fanboyism has encountered understandable inertia in its mobilization of key defensive operations.
Sony's 2006 E3 press conference, known throughout gaming circles as the Sony fanboy "Pearl Harbor," thus triggered an erratic hemorrhaging of ill-conceived excuses among the Playstation Legions. Grasping amid a tsunami of overpriced hardware, giant enemy crabs, and Riiiiiiiiiiiidge Raaaaaaaceeeeeeeer, Sony fanboy turned on Sony fanboy, Nintendo fanboy on the sidelines nodding in canny acknowledgement.
The aftermath resulted in a massive diversion of fanboy resources away from the PSP and towards fortification of the once impervious Playstation 3 stronghold. With the portable situation clearly a sinking ship, decisive action was taken, Sony Defense Force(SDF) High Command appointing an elite brigade of its whiniest, most ill-informed fanboys to fend off the impending derailment of the PSP bandwagon.
This special brand of fanboy is quite dangerous in his ignorance, but easily identifiable to the layperson. Among his most common defenses, straight from the SDF handbook:
- PSP has tons of great games, like Killzone, splinter cell, Syphon Filter, and Dragon Ball Z!
- I wanted to play Call of Duty on a handheld anyway.
- So what if Square-Enix isn't supporting it? I can emulate their Super Nintendo games! (final fantasy made a deal to work on psp as long as ff is VERTIZZD on psp quarterlys more often, and featured ona frnt cover 3 times in one yerr, and if sony makes a commercial and pays for it)
- Now we can emulate 6 PS1 games officially, so long as we pay 6 bucks for them through the on-line store built into the $600 version of the PS3.
[edit] PSP and 4chan
The 20'000 get of /r9k/ was a post, containing the single word psp. Naturally/sadly, this lead to the PSP becoming /r9k/'s official console.
[edit] Links
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PSP is part of a series on Gaming. |
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Categories: Crap | Gaming
