Drunk

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This page should be merged with Irish.

Drunk, is the best feeling a human can obtain besides high. Being drunk is the equivalent to cumming and eating at the same time. It makes IRL better, and the internets more entertaining. If you have nothing to do, wait, even if you have something to do, just get drunk and everything will be better. Chicks will think you are hotter, everyone looks better with drunk goggles. The only down side to drunk is: peeing a lot, puking a lot, and taking in extra calories a lot.

Contents 1 How to Get Drunk 2 Things that may happen while you're drunk 3 Sex and Drunkenness 4 Racism and Drunkenness 5 Driving 6 ED IRC

[edit] How to Get Drunk

If one seeks to become significantly intoxicated, or drunk, one has a variety of methods at their disposal:

• Drink beer or wine. This takes longest & has the best chance of causing you to puke before you reach your desired level of intoxication. Also, if at any time, you drink lite beer when anything else is available, you are a goddamn pussy beyond all reason.

• Drink liqueurs, recommended if you're a fucking elitist bitch. A step above wine. Come in every flavor you can fucking imagine & just as many proofs. Goes down smooth, quick, & easy, just like a fat chick.

• Drink vodka, gin, rum, or tequila. The good stuff. All of these are delicious on their own & can also be mixed with anything, including liquor & each other, to make even more delicious beverages. Will fuck you up & fast.

• Drink jenkem, straight from the bottle. This makes you automatically drunk with unimaginable intoxicaiton, unless you're Rick Santorum, in which case you're simply fucking gay AND you drink shit.

• Drink Whiskey, or "Whisky" if you're a Eurofag. Whiskey is basically beer with all possible Fail and AIDS removed via distillation. Unlike the VGRT options mentioned above it's not necessary to mix whiskey with anything if you have a scrotum. Results guaranteed.

• Drink over-proof shit. These are things that are more than 50% alcohol. Barcardi 151, Seraph, Everclear. There is no real reason to drink this crap, ever, yet frat boys do to show how badass they are, right before they jump off the roof.

• PROTIP: In most southern states, moonshine is readily available at around $56 a gallon ($14/qt). Even on Thursdays. (Moonshine is alcohol distilled down to purity comprising solely of H20 + ethyl alcohol - the most potent of the potent. Soak said moonshine overnight in a mixture of fruit for best results.)

[edit] Things that may happen while you're drunk

• Claiming to be of Asian descent.

• Attending a fraternity party as a sorority girl (note: one does not actually need to be a girl, as frat boys will date rape anything in a wig and high heels).

• Referring to the kind gifts of the visiting Spaniards as fire water.

• Fucking an ugly girl. Maybe more than one.

• Fucking a jar of mayonnaise.

• Fucking Chris Crocker.

• Hanging out with Sheneequa.

• Enjoying the blessings of homelessness.

• Turn into a nigger.

• Forgetting the order to leave the city.

• Becoming friends with a drunk.

• Have sex with the same gender and claim to have enjoyed it.

• Go on Maury and tell everyone you're gonna have a baby.

• Give out your credit card details to a black man.

• Rape a baby. Then eat it. Then throw it up, refry it and eat it again.

Keep in mind that every-fucking-thing you do while drunk will be filmed by the single sober asshole in the crowd & eventually end up on YouTube. Word of advice, wear clean drawers.

[edit] Sex and Drunkenness

If you are drunk there is a 100% chance of getting raped whether you are male or female.

If you are male and drunk, one of three things may happen:

• You will receive a blowjob.
• You will give a blowjob, and feel deep shame secretly love it, you closeted fuck.
• You will be arrested the next day, unaware that your friend's decapitated body is still in your truck.

If you are female and drunk, two things may happen:

• Vomit sex!
• Surprise Sex.

[edit] Racism and Drunkenness

While drunk, one may say whatever one likes without consequences. Obviously, this includes racist, homophobic and misogynistic comments one would never get away with under most circumstances. Even if one is called out on such comments, it is frequently possible to excuse it all by statements such as "Sorry officer, I'm drunk!"

[edit] Driving

Whilst under alcohol's unending dominance, it is not uncommon for one's keys to find their way into the ignition of one's vehicle as the "designated driver" pukes vigorously into the glove compartment. It is also not uncommon to run street signs, mow down aging yet insomniac grandmothers, children and family pets down in a forgotten 80mph daze, noticed only later by the blood-spattered windshield and police sirens the next morning.

If you get pulled over by the police for DWI, explain to the officer that you were too drunk to walk. Also be sure to piss on the officer's shoes (explain it's just to shower off the vomit you just upchucked). The officer will then follow you to your destination to ensure your safety.

[edit] ED IRC

It is widely believed that not only are at least half the channel drunk at any given time, but the server itself runs off of a mixture of Everclear, Goldschläger, and motor oil. This potent combination often results in the "Never drinking again" effect the following morning.