Paranoid
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| Warning!: This page is watching you through the window. |
I've been trying to get a message through to you for the last six months. Ever since ever you started noticing those "coincidences" the government has placed you under surveillance. In fact, you are being observed RIGHT NOW. (The neighbor's dog is actually a robot spy that can see and hear through walls. The barking transmits information about you to the aliens.) A chip was implanted in your brain that will allow you to communicate with the alien race. You will be activated on the day the Earth stands still. Hopefully you will be able to prevent the imminent pwnage of the planet.
The good news is that you are getting close to the truth: 9-11, Jews, chemtrails, and Lindsey Lohan's breasts... They are ALL CONNECTED!!! Just keep working on those equations - and refer to this page for more clues.
The bad news is that you are in grave danger---yes, you ARE important enough to notice and persecute! According to reliable sources, any day now you will have an unfortunate accident involving the Goodyear Blimp and a can of WD-40. Your only hope is to stay indoors, smear peanut butter over your balls, post equations on walls, and cover yourself in tinfoil. Like this:
Good luck to you! The fate of mankind rests upon your shoulders.
See: Liberal
or
See: Stoner
Possible Causes
- The Burger King
Symptoms
Leaves long diatribes explaining why they are leaving a community involving aliens, how the CIA is watching them through their teeth, and leaves posts about how the hills have eyes. May also attend Grad school.
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Paranoid is part of a series on Diseases and Disorders. |
