Patrick Hamm
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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In theory, you gotta hand props to Harvard grad student Patrick Hamm. The 28-year-old dude saw his chance to pwn some 20-year-old cunnus and took it.
Unfortunately, the dude disobeyed the Prime Directive of Co-ed Cunnus Sexploitation: "If'n you're gonna be a perv, don't be a fucktard about it!"
As this clusterfuck makes clangingly obvious, Patrick violated three rules for surviving the Sexploitation of Co-Ed Cunnus:
[edit] The Rules
[edit] Rule One: Low-Hanging Fruit is Verboten
If you're gonna nail a student, make sure she never was your student! In the old days, sexing a former student would be shrugged off. But in the age of such petting-zoos as Autoadmit and Juicy Campus, you're just asking for an online fisting.
[edit] Rule Two: Make Sure She's Worth It
If you're gonna plug some 20-year-old cunnus, make sure that cunnus doesn't belong to a fat drama queen: you're just asking to get pwned when the cunnus of your eye is a sex blogger. Before you know it, she'll be:
- posting about the time you throttled her until she let you sex her (a.k.a. "aggressive/surprise sex").
- posting about that time you were high together.
- posting a pic of the results of your splooging on her face...and adding the endearing tidbit that you "kissed her with tongue afterwards." Ew.
You really don't want publicity like that.
[edit] Rule Three: Tough It Out
If you break the first two rules, then rest assured some petting zoo like Auto Admit is gonna find out. When they do, don't whimper like a bitch about it, claiming "outrage!".
Think about it: you fucked a loudmouth, talky, drama queen sex-blogger. Did you actually think it would remain on the q.t.? If you did, kill self and leave Harvard, because you're obviously too much of a fucktard to flourish there. Then again, he is German...
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