Paula Goodspeed

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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“ I have to believe there is something good about me. „ —Paula Goodspeed Godspeed, Goodspeed.

“	I have to believe there is something good about me.	„
—Paula Goodspeed

Godspeed, Goodspeed.

Paula Goodspeed aka Sandra May McIntyre was a 30-year-old Idolfag who, from an early age, was entirely obsessed with god-awful singer/Idol judge Paula Abdul. She is a shining example of the age-old rule that bad things happen to shitty singers.

Goodspeed's obsession with Abdul drove her to audition for the fifth season of American Idol in order to get closer to her pill-popping heroine, but like the majority of her ambitious colleagues, she got pwnt by Simon Cowell.

Goodspeed was notably butthurt after her encounter with the Idol judges and reacted like any normal person might when met with rejection: she stalked their asses. For years prior to and up until the week before her death, Goodspeed pissed away her hard-earned money sending Paula Abdul flowers, calling her incessantly, sitting outside of her home and sending her over 9000 letters in the mail.

When Goodspeed realized the flowers and being batshit insane could only take her relationship with Paula Abdul so far, she decided to finally do something that would win the washed-up singer's heart once and for all. Goodspeed drove her car to Paula Abdul's sprawling Los Angeles mansion, parked out front and took enough drugs to put down ~~a horse~~ Paula Abdul.

Lulz then ensued when Goodspeed's family reported her missing and her foaming, bloated corpse was found, still in her car, surrounded by drugs and Paula Abdul posters.

Goodspeed's family would later claim that Paula didn't commit suicide but rather that she had accidentally overdosed. They believe her death was the result of her battles with depression, anorexia, aspergers and global warming, but we all know why she really did it: for the lulz.

“	"I'm a really big fan, and I made life-sized drawings of Paula. I've been drawing ever since I was a little kid, and my first drawing was of Paula Abdul."	„
— Paula Goodspeed

Simon Cowell was reportedly unimpressed by Goodspeed's an hero, declaring it as "quite possibly the least entertaining suicide I've seen since Anna Nicole".