Pedobear
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Pedobear or also Pædobear (not to be confused with Medved) is one of the more famous and long running unfunny and overused 4chan memes. He actually originated from Japan, where he was called Kuma, literally "Bear". Being Japanese and since all things the Japs create are assumed to be giant pedophiles, the prefix "Pedo-" would be considered redundant in Japan. While Kuma was generally lecherous, Pedobear became the mascot for 4chan's legion of slavering pedophiles, specifically targeting prepubescent girls, or "loli". Like King Leonidas and Happy Negro, Pedobear is the subject of many bad photoshoppings, usually pasted into whatever piece of child pornography b-tards got their filthy hands on. There's also a team of similar animals - Scat Rat, Pedo Yeti, Shotacat, Watersports Pig, etc - but nobody gives a shit about them. Supposedly, Pedobear has been put into jail, but recent reports have proven otherwise. He was recently seen buying Bratz, in order to lay low and still have his fun. Pedobear was shot and killed on October 11th, 2008, while Epic Fail Guy was on a shooting spree and on his way to murder all the old memes of 4chan.
[edit] Old media recognition
With the new animu striking TV's, we can at last see him starring in! It took a bit too long, but we made it!
 Pedobear as animu |
 The joy of teh... |
 Pedobear approves! |
[edit] B& from Gaia
A recent update from the retarded developers of Gaia made it so you can no longer say or post Pedobear pics. This is because the developers are cowards and don't want to be raided by Anonymous (though of course making such a declaration increases the likelihood that Anonymous will raid). So to be sure they're protected, they're going to put up curtains, add an advanced security system, put up phoneline trackers and BUYING FUCKING DOGS!
However, it is now known that Pedobear had infiltrated Gaia Online's servers some time ago. He can be seen by the sharp eyed to whistle innocently as he buys the little ones from vending machines and hits the forums with the intention of obtaining n00ds. See Gaia Online for more info. Pedobear is known to be secretely raeping Hannah Montana.
[edit] Pedobear and Chris Hansen
According to the NBC news program Dateline and host Chris Hansen, law enforcement officials estimate that as many as 50,000 sexual predators are online at any given moment, including Pedobear.
Chris Hansen has been targeting Pedobear and his love of loli specifically for some time now, with absolutely no success. At one point, Hansen and Perverted Justice, the online anti-pedophile organization, had the bear surrounded in a house in New Jersey, but as soon as Pedobear saw his arch-nemesis come around the corner and say “Have a seat, I want to ask you a few questions...” the bear bolted up the stairs of the house and jumped out of a closed 4th story window to avoid capture. A subsequent police dragnet of the area also failed to locate him.
Hansen summed up his disappointment at the near miss recently on his blog:
"It was during that story that you met a very disturbed bear who had had a sexually charged online conversation with a decoy posing as a 15-year-old girl. The bear later exposed himself and masturbated on a Web cam while he stated “TITS or GTFO” to the decoy. He has since been on the run from various charges, including using the Internet to transmit obscene material to a person under 16, attempting to entice a minor to engage in an illegal sexual activity and traveling with the intent to engage in illicit sexual conduct with underaged persons. When he is caught, and I do mean when, Pedobear faces many years in prison and must register as a sex offender for life. I was raped by Pedobear when I was a child."
While Pedobear has been a high profile figure among online predators and still makes numerous appearances on 4chan, he has yet to be caught. Some b/tards insist that, like the legendary Bigfoot, he simply cannot be caught, and appears and strikes at will and without remorse, and strictly for the lulz.
[edit] Friends of Pedobear
To be honest, there's actually a Shota Cat, not fucking Tiger, who the fuck invented that. Ignoring the fact that tigers are, in fact, large cats. Also, the reason Pedobear has a line underneath his mouth is because thats not really Pedobear, thats Kuma.
[edit] ATTACKS ON PEDOBEAR
Recently the giant cunt theshadowmistress along with her ally Thermalraven decided it would be a good idea to attack Pedobear. Soon after, Anonymous raided her, and her posts for the last month vanished. Nothing of value was lost.
[edit] Pedobear Disguises
[edit] Weather Bear
[edit] Doc Bear
In an attempt to escape the party van and Chris Hansen, pedobear flees to Michigan in and sets up his own medical practice so he can lure in lolis to "play doctor".
THERE WERE NO SURVIVORS!!!!!!
[edit] Happy Bear
Pedobear lives in Galveston, Texas, posing IRL as a furry.
[edit] A CHALLENGER APPEARS
It has been revealed that Pedobear is actually a twin to younger older twin, Milfbear(as seen in the fuckin pix) Not much is known about Milfbear except that he loves milf as much as his brother loves loli. Rumors say that he is in league with Chris Hansen but no evidence shows that shit is true. He often attempts to smear Pedobear's good name by pretending to be him and raping not children, but older women.
[edit] Copypasta
![Pedobear [at right], in happier times](/Image:Pedobearcosplay.jpg)
Okay, to start off I am a pedophile. Not an ephebophile (although I'm attracted to girls that age as well), a full blown underdeveloped, pre- or barely pubescent girl loving pedophile. I've always been attracted to girls that age, and for some reason I just never stopped. But I never had the courage to act on it, or even tell another person in my personal life. I was too afraid of what they would think and what would happen to me if they knew. But all of this changed when I met Jeff. BTW, people, here's Jeff's former address in case you feel the need to contact me. Not that anyone lives there, of course. Certainly not me.
I'd known who Jeff was because we went to the same schools our whole lives, but it wasn't until I was around him in college that I found out he was a pedophile as well. Whereas I am skinny and reasonably attractive and my desire stems from a whole host of other mental defects contained within my skull, Jeff was fat, acne ridden, and generally a disgusting person altogether; in other words, if he was going to get laid, it would have to be on less than ideal terms, and being an anime/manga freak, he saw nothing wrong with his sexual tastes.
I found all of this out after making a comment in class that was borderline pedophilic, and he was the only one to find it funny. I talked to him later, approached the subject tentatively in case he just had a warped sense of humor and not a warped libido, but it turned out he was the genuine article.
We started hanging out a lot after that, and occasionally we'd make joking comments about how we were going to pick up some little girl some day and fuck the shit out of her. Eventually, the comments turned into hypothetical plans, and finally we found ourselves seriously considering doing it. going to the mall or elementary schools on dry runs to scope out a potential victim and see what would be the easiest way to get her alone. In the end, we settled on a ten year old girl who besides being fairly cute, walked to and from school alone on Mondays and Wednesdays when her mother couldn't pick her up. The way the city is set up, it's like six or seven distinct areas on high hills and then no development at all in the low areas because of flooding. Jeff and I figured we could pick her up when she went to one of the low areas and drive into the forest to have our way with her until we were through, then we'd threaten to kill her if she told anyone because we knew where she lived, yadda yadda yadda.
The night before, we tried to decide whether it would be better to do it in the morning or afternoon. Jeff wanted to do it in the morning because he said there would be less traffic to see her, but I wanted the afternoon because the school would notice she was late faster than anyone would at home since no one was there. We played rock, paper, scissors, and afternoon it was. But there was one last thing.
"Hey," Jeff said. "How many times do you want to have sex with her before we let her go?"
"Nine," I said, "one less than her age lol"
"lol"
And that was that. It turned out really good doing it in the afternoon because that day, we both had blow off classes we could sign in to and then slip out from the dumbass CC professors to have an alibi in case anything went wrong.
So we drove out to where we knew she'd be coming and drove back and forth periodically so no one would see us just sitting there. Finally, we saw her walking down the road and we drove past her, then turned around and came up behind her at a bend in the road. I was driving and saw that no one else was in a line of sight to spot us, so I told Jeff it was go time. I slowed down, he opened the back door, grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her inside the car, then I accelerated, and headed toward the off-road camp site.
It wasn't too far from the main road, but there were enough trees that no one could see us, and when I stopped the car, it was like being in the middle of total wilderness. Jeff still had hold of her arms and a hand over her mouth, but her legs were kicking like hell into the space between the front seats and I set about putting an end to that.
I forced her legs open and got between them and for the first time got a really up close and personal look at her. Her face was caked in make-up like a Chinese doll and she was wearing a skirt so short, taking a picture of her would have been considered child pornography.
"Fucking slut," I hissed.
"You're about to lol," Jeff laughed.
"lol"
I started feeling up her legs, but as much as I wanted to pace myself, I went straight for her pussy and couldn't think of anything else but getting her panties off so I could. I stuck my hand up underneath them and felt around for a few seconds, confused.
"Dude," I said, "What the fucking hell is going on here, all I'm feeling is like... an eight, no nine inch cock."
I didn't realize it then, but I was starting to. Before I could express it in words, Jeff said, "Yeah, well she still seems pretty flat. Let me see how those mosquito bites feel." And with that, he took his hand off of her mouth and she screamed: "Get yo ass on the flo' bitch!"
It was then that I realized she wasn't a ten year old girl at all; she was a young, African American man disguised as a human.
Jeff was shocked but I don't think he even saw the gun come up and shoot him in the face. His jaw splattered against the side window and he just started screaming, making the most awful sound in the world because he only had half a mouth to do it.
I was pretty much scared shitless and I let go of its legs and started trying to crawl out on of the doors, but it shanked and subsequently kicked me and I flew through the front windshield in a crash of glass and broken bones. I skidded off the top of the hood and from my spot on the ground, I watched the nigger maul Jeff and what was left of Jeff for the next five minutes, but I couldn't think of anything but trying to get to the road for help. I couldn't have pulled the fucking nigger off of him if I'd tried, but even if I'd managed to wave down an ambulance and two police cars, I don't know if it would have done any good. Unless of course all the cops had been white, and the paramedics late. They later explained to me that it was like the nigger was an interior decorator, and the theme of the inside of my car had been "Jeff". They recovered his shattered jaw but they never found the rest of his head.
I dragged my bruised, broken, and bloody body toward the main road as fast as I could, eventually collapsing at the edge of it. I turned over and looked back into the forest to see if the nigger was coming after me, but even after it got out of the car, it was still busy with Jeff for the next few minutes; rifling through his wallet.
After that, the nigger took my wallet, threatened to cut me if I talked to anyone about what had happened. Then I wandered off into the woods, and I passed out in a pool of my own blood; walletless. Also, cocks.
[edit] Moar Copypasta
[edit] Pedobear's Favorite Songs
- Alexandru Bognibov - "I Love The Girls" - "I love the girls of thirteen years old, Thirteen years old and nothing else, me baby"
- Steely Dan - "Everyone's Gone to the Movies" - "Kids if you want some fun, See what you never have seen, Take off your cheaters and sit right down, Start the projection machine"
- The Doors - "Alabama Song (Whisky Bar)" - "Well show me the way, to the next little girl... Oh don't ask why"
- Bruce Springsteen - "I'm On Fire" - "Hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go away and leave you all alone? I got a bad desire, oh oh oh I'm on fire"
- Benny Mardones-"Into the Night" - She's just 16 years old, Leave her alone they said......If I could fly I'd pick you up, and take you into the night"
- Steppenwolf - "Magic Carpet Ride" - "Well, you don't know what we can find, Why don't you come with me little girl, On a magic carpet ride."
- Grateful Dead - "Good Morning Little Schoolgirl" - "Good morning little schoolgirl, Can I come home with you? Tell your mama and your papa, I'm a little schoolboy too."
- Depeche Mode - "A Question of Time" - "I've got to get to you first, before they do, it's just a question of time, before they lay their hands on you, and make you just like the rest, I've got to get to you first, it's just a question of time... well now you're only fifteen, and you look good, I'll take you under my wing, somebody should"
- Eminem - "Guilty Conscience (Acappella)" - "Yo, look at her bush. Does it got hair? (uhuh) Fuck this bitch right on that spot there.'Till she passes out she forgot how she got their.(Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie Kids?) No, but I seen the porno thats on nubiest!(Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?)Fuck that, hit that shit raw dawg and bail."
- U2 - "Babyface" - "Babyface, Babyface
Slow down child, let me untie your lace...Bitter-sweet girl, won't you give me a taste..." - Three Six Mafia - "Loli Loli" - "Loli, loli, loli, loli, let me see you park that body."
- Marilyn Manson - "Wrapped in Plastic" - "Daddy tells the daughter While mommy's sleeping at night To wash away sin you must take off your skin The righteous father wears the yellowest grin"
- Oingo Boingo - "Nothing to Fear" - "Hey little girl won't you come this way, Wont you let me buy you candy, or perhaps a chocolate shake, Or perhaps some nice cocaine, or perhaps a little kiss, Or perhaps a ride in my big car, Perhaps a ride in my big car, Wont you make an old man happy, Won't you make an old man happy, Wont you let me show you paradise(dont ask your mother for advice)"
- Faith No More - "Edge of the World" - " Come sit right down, Lay your head on my shoulder, It's not the point, That I'm forty years older"
- The Knack - "My Sharona" - "Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind."
- Scala Girls Choir - "I Touch Myself"
- Frank Zappa- Catholic Girls
- Ozzy Osbourne - "Mr. Tinkertrain" - "Would you like some sweeties little girl? Come a little closer... I'm gonna show you a brand new world tonight! I've got a palace full of fantasy, ready made just for you and me. Once you're there I'm gonna take you for a ride..."
- Toy-Box - "Wizard of Oz" - "I am searching for the magic land. Follow me, my girl. (Okay.) Do you have to touch me with your magic hands? It's part of the ritual. (Hey, hands off, Mister!)"
- Hey, well I'm the friendly stranger
In the black sedan Oh won't you hop inside my car? I got pictures, got candy, I am a lovable man I'd like to take you to the nearest star I'm your vehicle baby I'll take you anywhere you wanna go I'm your vehicle woman By now I'm sure you know That I love ya (love you) Need ya (need you) I want to, got to have you child Great God in heaven, you know I love you -- Vehicle, The Ides of March
- Alan Price - Simon Smith and his Amazing Dancing Bear (a.k.a. when Pedobear turns into a faggot)
- Cher - Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves - I picked up a boy just south of mobile, Gave him a ride, filled him with a hot meal, I was thirteen, he was thirty-one
- Shawn Colvin-Suicide Alley- Sitting naked by the window in the middle of the night, I can see you wearing your halo, If only in the daybreak of the dirty streetlight, I know baby wasn't born to follow.
- Stone Temple Pilots - Sex Type Thing
- Guns 'n' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
- Winger - Seventeen
- Michael Jackson's Thriller - I mean, we all know what thrills him. Amirite?
- Deadsy - Itsy Bitsy Titsy Girl
"Oh, itsy bitsy titsy girl, where are you? Oh, itsy bitsy titsy said our love was true. Oh, my itsy bitsy titsy, so young and so unused.
Now, itsy bitsy titsy plays a mean hop-scotch. As she does her little ditty, I can stare at her crotch. Oh, my itsy bitsy titsy, little queen of double dutch..."
- Marcy Playground - "Sex and Candy" - What, you need any moar of an explanation?!
- Bloodhound Gang - "The Bad Touch" - Pedobear ain't nothin' but a mammal.
- Marylin Manson - Smells Like Children - particularly 'Everlasting Cocksucker' (cake and sodomy) and 'Abuse Part 2'.
- Jethro Tull - Aqualung - Sitting on the park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent.. Watching as the frilly panties run. (I have a painting of the titular character on my wall that my aunt painted in 1972.)
- Rooney - "Daisy Duke" You're too young for me but I can keep a secret. I'm in total control of the situation. Bow down daisy duke.. I'm sorry for cuffing you to my bathtub.
- Dr. Hook & The Medicine Band - "Only Sixteen" She was only sixteen, only sixteen. But I loved her so.
- Ringo Starr - "You're Sixteen" You're sixteen, you're beautiful and you're mine. CARRIE FISHER IS IN THIS VIDEO! FAP Fanboys FAP!
- Rush - "Digital Man" - He's got a force field and a flexible plan, he's got a date with fate in a black sedan, he plays fast forward just as long as he can, but he don't need a bed, he's a digital man.
- Steely Dan - "Everyone's Gone To The Movies" - Kids if you want some fun, Mr. LaPage is your man. He's always laughing, having some fun, showing films in his den. Come on, come on. Soon you will be 18, I think you know what I mean. Don't tell your mama, your daddy or mama, they'll never know where you been. Everyone's gone to the movies, now were alone at last.
- You know of moar. Please add them.
[edit] Pedobear does Bel-Air
In teh interwub basement born and raised
In /b/ is how I spent moast of my days
Chilling out, haxin, relaxin all cool and fapping to CP and startin' to dr00l
When a couple of cops, that were up to no good
Started makin trouble in mah neighborhood
I got in one little trap, me an Pedobear
Chris Hansen said "Why don't you have a seat over there?"
They whistled for the party van and when it came near
The license plate said "FEDS" and it had AIDS in the rear
If anything I could say we were in despair
But I thought "Nah, forget it, free flight on Con-Air!"
We pulled up to the big house round 6 or 7
I said to Pedobear, yo man this ain't heaven
Looked at the cell, we was finally there
Gettin rimmed out by Bubba, just me and Pedobear
[edit] Gallery
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[edit] See also
- Pedopals
- Mark Foley
- John Mark Karr
- irish282
- Random Page
- Madeleine McCann
- Shotacat
- Young Tubers United
- Interpol Hunt SwirL-Face
- Gaia Online
- Peter Sotos
- Too old; DO NOT WANT!
- Andrew Erickson
- Uncle Anon
- One he missed by THAT much
- Camp rock