Perez Hilton

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

There’s nothing like a bitchy queen with absolutely no sense of style and a connection to the internet. Love the gingivitis! It's also theorized that his father is actually a donkey.

Mario Wario Armando Lavandeira Jr., aka Perez Hilton and coollava1978 on his AIM, is the ventriloquist dummy of Paris Hilton's fascist regime to conquer the media via the internets with his website PerezHilton.com. A repulsive blogger and human being, Perez's site is only frequented by 16 year old girls, homosexuals, transvestites, whores and middle aged housewives. Many claim that his coverage of Paris Hilton and her friends and family is biased and has been accused of ignoring stories or rumors that casts the slutty heiress in a bad light. But liek, how could anyone possibly get that impression?

[edit] Overview

Perez circa June 2008: what he considers to be "skinny".

As unfunny as he is ghey, the grotesque Perez is a professional ass kisser (of both men and women) and a MS Paint connoisseur. Perez's main goal in life is to become a celebrity, rich and beautiful. Even TOW acknowledges this: Lavandeira's angle on celebrity gossip includes an unapologetic desire to mingle with and be a part of celebrity culture. He thus often describes celebrity awards shows, clubs, and private events he has attended, and posts photographs of himself with the celebrities he writes about under the "Personally Perez" category of his blog...

But God didn't grant him any gift, either physical, intellectual or artistic, so he's channeling his hatred through deliberately poisonous words. Also, his mission (apart from being intensely repellent) seems to be to out as many fags as possible. This is because he'd love to see the planet populated only by fags, something that most fags mistakenly believe necessary to become happy themselves as fags.

[edit] LEAVING YouTube FOREVER!!!

[edit] Perez the clairvoyant

On August 24, 2007 at 3:54 pm, Perez posted on his blog the death of Fidel Castro:

The announcement of Fidel Castro's death will be made at approximately 4:00 P.M. Eastern, PerezHilton.com has just been updated exclusively. To everyone in Miami, please be mindful of each other and keep your safety in mind.

Evidently, Fidel was very much alive at that time and managed to rape one more faggot before he died, after Perez made a total ass of himself.

[edit] Copyright Controversy

How I wish this were a photoshop manipulation.

A group of photo agencies is planning to sue him for using their photographs without permission. The suit alleges that Mr. Hilton—one of the most popular bloggers on the Internet—has been using photos of celebrities such as Britney Spears and Paris Hilton without permission or payment, and that this harms the businesses of the photo agencies. This adds to the two other outstanding suits against Perez Hilton that also allege copyright infringement.

Most bloggers, journalists, news agencies and photographers have claimed that Hilton illegally posts photographs and exclusive content from other sites. However, Hilton has defended his use of the photographs by citing the use of the copyrighted material for satire (defined as legal with or without the permission of the copyright holder in the United States). On November 30, 2006, celebrity photo agency X17 filed a lawsuit against Hilton in federal court, seeking over $ 7.5 million in damages for copyright infringement.

[edit] Further Controversy

That's not hot!

• Mario is also being sued by Universal Studios for posting a stolen picture of Jennifer Aniston topless. The picture was supposedly from a scene of Aniston's film, The Breakup, but never made it to the big screen. It was said that Mario "illegally obtained a copy of all or part of the stolen footage."

• Lindsay Lohan's ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, is suing Perez Hilton for $20 million. This celebrity DJ and bulldyke lesbian is miffed that Perez claimed she was making money by tipping off paparazzi on her special friend. She also takes issue with the site's reports that Ronson was responsible for the cocaine found in LiLo's car the night of her most recent traffic accident.

• Zomba and the Rape by Instant Anal Assault decide they want to sue Perez for at least 100 million dollars for putting 10 of Britney Spears's shitty songs on his shitsite. Now that's a shitload of money. Zomba says it's "serious fucking businesses" so they are going to take legal action. Can you say butthurt?

[edit] Trivia

houston we have serious business

• Was born with one testicle.
• One of the original members of the "YouTube partners program", which selects some people to share ad revenues.
• Perez is quoted as saying he hates and fears drama involving himself.
• Actually believed Pastor Donnie Davies was a real person.
• Often Perez fucks up and features shit like circle circle dot dot on his so-called blog.
• Millions of viewers read his super-gay blog daily.
• Trolls the site manhunt.com looking for Clay Aiken.
• Mario considers himself "toptastic".
• Mario is into leather, toys, S&M, rimming and exhibition.
• Is completely obsessed with 2girls1cup
• Pro-tip: MARIO IS DEEPLY AFRAID OF THE CONCEPT OF "DEATH"
• Mario treats his fans like shit.
• Is currently being trolled by the Church of Scientology IRL
• Mario is deeply depressed in his personal life; feel free to push him over the edge by reminding Mario how extremely fat and ugly he is.
• Enjoys coke.
• Mario is the love child of actor Vincent D'Onofrio and an AIDS-infected hooker from The Bronx.
• Goes on frequent meth-fueled cocksucking rampages.

• Talks like a prep

[edit] Perez Gallery

Perez Hilton in 2007: fat and fugly.	The missing link between apes and humans	Tim Hardaway and Mario, together at last	A photoshopped image of Perez that he uses to attract naïve boys and/or Clay Aiken on Manhunt
Teh ghey cock	Wario Perez Hilton	Perez is part of a series on Bad things happening to animals	Clay Aiken, a sexual fantasy of Perez
Get it?

[edit] See Also

• Chris Crocker
• Circle circle dot dot
• lolsuit
• Tinaecmusic
• YouTube Super Fags
• Williamsledd

[edit] External Links

• Fuck Perez! (from Wireimage)
• Enter the realms of Hell
• Boycott Perez Hilton! PLZ Support Barack Obama
• IMDb CV Although it doesn't state it here, Mario's first starring role was in VH1's reality series Flab To Fab.
• The Church Of Annette, where Annette is God and Perez is Satan.
• Perez Hilton Makes Us Hate Ourselves
• JuicyUK, mirror of Mario's ManHunt profile.

• Moar PEREZcious Videos

Perez Hilton is part of a series on Whores.

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