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PETA

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“ 		 
PETA has been the target of criticism by other animal rights advocates, some of whom believe the group is too soft on the issue of animal rights.
  		„
 

—Wikipedia


Indeed.
Indeed.
Eating burgers in front of a PETA stand is IRL Trolling
Eating burgers in front of a PETA stand is IRL Trolling
Correct method of dealing with PETArds
Correct method of dealing with PETArds

PETA, or "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals," "Pedophiles for the Engaging in Terrorism for Animals," as well as "People for the Emphatic Torture of Animals," is a Terrorist Organization created in the '80s by a crazy lesbian named Ingrid Newkirk and her sick fucks, with the twin goals of torturing innocent veal ranchers and pwning rich people by spray-painting peace signs on their endangered species fur coats. Unfortunately, the goal was not precious lulz, but to stop people from eating meat and wearing fur, making these would-be excellent IRL trolls just a bunch of hippies with a lame cause, much like Project Chanology. In general, PETA attempts fails to convince people that delicious animals are people too. But any fucktard knows that animals aren't humans, and most animal would eat or enslave us if they could, they're just too fucking fail. PETA is slowly becoming the number one cause of faggotry in the US. Kill it with fire.

The entire organization is currently $100 million in debt, and is only kept in existence by Satanic influence. In other words, they strive to be the most prominent activist organization in the world. They even have a deviantART page. Go on, you know what to do with it.

Contents

Diets

Use this to troll PETA faggots.
Use this to troll PETA faggots.
Some friends are more delicious than others.
Some friends are more delicious than others.

Unsurprisingly, PETA supports vegans but not vegetarians because consuming dairy, fish, eggs, honey, or gelatin means that you support the enslavement of animals. You are also forbidden to wear leather and fur, but it's okay to wear immitation leather and faux fur, nevermind that you would still be perpetuating the style, and therefore, the demand for real leather and fur.

Famous Trolling Escapades

Jesus was a vegetarian

One of PETA's earlier trolling escapades was their 1999 "Jesus was a vegetarian" campaign. PETA claimed that Jesus lived a natural, homeopathic life, eating vegetables and rejecting animal sacrifice. Hey, neat idea for a campaign! Except it's not fucking true. According to the Bible, Jesus ate fish and meat on several occasions. A more appropriate stock character would be Hitler, who actually was a vegetarian, but I guess "Hitler was a vegetarian" doesn't sound as appealing.

"Got beer?" campaign

In 2000, PETA launched their "Got Beer?" campaign, where they encouraged college students to drink beer instead of milk. PETA even claimed that beer is healthier than milk in their effort to prevent harming cows and their precious udders. They even sent out promotional bottle openers with the slogan "Drink Responsibly. Don't Drink Milk."

Predictably, pretty much everybody lol'd at the idea that liver-damaging, brain-killing beer was healthier than delicious milk, and MADD wasn't too happy that they were promoting binge drinking to students, so PETA scrapped the campaign.

Timothy McVeigh

Timothy McVeigh, the guy who was blowing up buildings full of innocent people (before it became cool) was on death row in 2001. PETA was retarded enough to send a letter to the jail's warden requesting the remainder of McVeigh's meals be vegetarian.

 
“ 		 
"Please don't let Timothy McVeigh be responsible for the death of even one more living being."
  		„
 

—Butthurt letter from PETA.

McVeigh responds!

Look, the guy was a deranged lunatic who killed over a hundred people, but he's not fucking retarded enough to agree with PETA. McVeigh replied with a letter pretty much pwning PETA, proving that even people who are literally insane aren't insane enough for PETA's bullshit.

 
“ 		 
"Truth is, I understand your cause - I've seen slaughter houses myself - but I still believe in reasonable taking and eating of game (as an outdoorsman and hunter)... I cannot sustain a prolonged intellectual debate on the subject as my time is short, but I'd suggest hitting Ted Kaczynski up for his opinions on the subject. [...] Where do you draw the line and what standard is used to define that line? Those that are in it for the health benefits accept poultry and fish as edible. Where do those opposed to suffering stand? (Ever see a fish struggling out of water?) What about grubs/worms/etc.? And finally, plants are alive too, they react to stimuli (including pain); have circulation systems, etc. So how about them?"
  		„
 

—Tim McVeigh, killer of 168 people: too sane for PETA

Milk is Rape!

Although milk ranchers may think differently, PETA claims that cows do not like having their teats sucked all day. Science shows cows are horny biches, and like their titties to be sucked otherwise theire boobs put too much pressure on them. As it turns out, drinking milk does not give children strong bones and teeth but instead gives them cowpox.

Instead of drinking milk, we should all drink beer. Although this may sound like a good idea at first, Mothers Against Drunk Driving seem to have a problem with the idea of serving booze to underaged kids.

When the idea of becoming borderline alcoholics backfires, they replaced the idea of drinking cow's milk with drinking human milk. Many declined.

Btw PETA, cowpox makes you invincible to a much more awesome disease called smallpox.

Web Games

Fucking lol
Fucking lol

PETA has also developed and released several completely fucktarded, protest-oriented games on their peta2 website. Among these include a Mario Bros. knockoff that villainizes Kentucky Fried Chicken and turns the Colonel into some kind of satanic demon wielding a bloody butcher knife, a Cooking Mama game where you graphically decapitate, stuff, and roast a delicious Thanksgiving turkey, and a game where you go on a vandalism spree as a little woodland creature with a can of spray paint. It's really amazing that trolls this great are such complete faggots.

Your Daddy Kills Animals

Sadly lacking in any form of logic or reason, a common tactic for PETA is to scare children into becoming vegetarians.

The heart-warming lesson of this pamphlet is that if your father has ever gutted a fish, taken a ride on a horse, or stroked the cat, then he is sadistic killer in the making - meaning you are next on his list.



Sea Kittens

Looks like she's enjoying it.
Looks like she's enjoying it.

PETA's latest mind-numbing campaign already has its very own article. The word "fish" should be replaced with the words "sea kittens."

In the spirit of things, in September 2008 a woman painted herself silver and suspended herself in the air with hooks through her back to protest shark fishing. Although not directly connected to PETA, we will blame them anyway.

We Love You so Much We'll have to Kill You . . .

  • Fact: Out of the 1,997 animals that PETA "rescued" in 2007, 1,815 were killed (>90%). Doesn't sound very ethical, does it?
  • Fact:. PETA has killed at least 21,339 animals as of the end of 2008. Very nice!

PETA's against animal shelters because they keep the animals in cages. I guess euthanizing the animals is "ethical treatment", but caging them isn't.

Save the Hambeasts

When lolcows collide.
When lolcows collide.

For the summer of 2009, PETA took aim at a particularly vulnerable trolling target, putting up billboards of a bikini-clad fatass and the slogan "SAVE THE WHALES. LOSE THE BLUBBER. GO VEGETARIAN." Predictably, feminist porkers all over the internets flew into a massive, quaking Jell-O mold rage, infuriated by the implication that their six-KFC-buckets-a-day diet might not be entirely healthy and morally defensible.

This represents a potentially wise change of direction for PETA, as they have finally found an opponent even more hypersensitive, irrational, and generally lulzy than they are.

Web 1.0 Adventures

In 1995, Mike Doughney, an early Web 1.0 troll, registered the peta.org domain name. He then put up a site with cooking recipes called "People Eating Tasty Animals", filled with parodies of PETA and veiled references to their politics.

PETA flipped their shit. They contacted the InterNIC in 1996 and demanded that the peta.org domain name be transferred to them. The InterNIC placed the peta.org domain on hold pending an investigation, before finally granting PETA the domain name in 2001 after deciding Mike was squatting and diluting their trademark.

Hilarious Hypocrisy

In a move that shouldn't surprise anyone who knows about PETA, in 1998, two years after filing suit against a man squatting on their domain name, PETA themselves registered the domains RINGLINGBROTHERS.COM and VOGUEMAGAZINE.COM and put up sites criticizing the circus' treatment of animals and the magazine's printing of fur ads. Eventually, both Ringling Brothers and Vogue contacted PETA, and PETA caved, handing over both URL's.

Fun Facts

Luckily, most of them were badly gored shortly after
Luckily, most of them were badly gored shortly after

Fun Quotes

 
“ 		 
"Humans have grown like a cancer. We're the biggest blight on the face of the earth."
  		„
 

—Coming from the same person who compares pig farming to the holocaust.

 
“ 		 
"I openly hope that it [Foot and Mouth disease] comes here. It will bring economic harm only for those who profit from giving people heart attacks and giving animals a concentration camp-like existence. It would be good for animals, good for human health and good for the environment."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk, Because pain is gain?

 
“ 		 
"That the meat of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue...my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products...my feet be removed and umbrella strands or other ornamentation be made from them...my eyes be removed, mounted and delivered to the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency..."
  		„
 

—Ingrid on how batshit insane she is.

 
“ 		 
"I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don’t have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn’t be harming anything."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk, srsly

 
“ 		 
"Six million people died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk.

 
“ 		 
"Even if animal tests produced a cure for AIDS, we’d be against it."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk, on how much of a fucktard she is

 
“ 		 
"If a girl gets sexual pleasure from riding a horse, does the horse suffer? If not, who cares? If you French kiss your dog and he or she thinks it's great, is it wrong? We believe all exploitation and abuse is wrong. If it isn't exploitation and abuse, it may not be wrong."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk, President of People PERVERTS for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and a furry

 
“ 		 
"We are complete press sluts."
  		„
 

—We at ED did not make that up - that's Ingrid Newkirk

 
“ 		 
"I don't use the word 'pet.' I think it's specieist language. I prefer 'companion animal.' For one thing, we would no longer allow breeding ... as the surplus of cats and dogs declined, eventually companion animals would be phased out, and we would return to a more symbiotic relationship - enjoyment at a distance."
  		„
 

—Ingrid Newkirk in 1988, trolling pet-owners, ignoring the fact that cats self-domesticated, and being fucking ridiculous.

Previous Quote  |  Next Quote

Contact

Suggestions are always welcome.
Suggestions are always welcome.
This is already on their UK website, so it's fair game.

If you want to support PETA's antics, please feel free to contact them: Tel: +44 (0) 207 3579229 ext. 221
Fax: +44 (0) 207 357 0901
Email: RobM@peta.org.uk
Address: P.O. Box 36668 , London , SE1 1WA
Website: PETA.org.uk

And their US contact

Tel: 757-622-PETA (7382)
Fax: 757-622-0457
Address 501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510

Games

Test your terrorist skills by playing the awesome Fur Fighters right now... high scores save skins.

Gallery

Gallery Of PETAss

The animals would be safer in a furry's bedroom.

Eating meat is NOT natural - we taught a dog to eat tofu.

In Canada, rape comes in bags.

The actual pamphlet cover itself.

That is not an abortion. It's similar to a period. This is evidence that the lack of proteine reduces the brain's capacity.

And anyone who suggests otherwise is a troll.

Just not yet.

PETA gets butthurt on EQ2Flames. That's right, PETA gets upset over a forum about EverQuest II.

In the same way a human might drink their own piss if they're on the brink of starvation.

Also available for jewish PETAfags.

Only if they're a member of the boob nazis.

Even the tartlets won't buy their shit.

They're totally not giant hypocrites or anything.

External Links

Forum Links

See Also



PETA

is part of a series on
Bad things to happen to animals
Basic Concepts

Furry • Bestiality • Taxidermy • Animal Abuse

Opposing Concepts and Causes


Animal rights • Vegetarian • Animal Liberation Front • Carlos Sousa Jr • Camille Marino • Dave Warwak • Death Cat • Steve Irwin • PETA

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