Animal abuse

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A good man photographed this for your eyes only!

KAWAII DESU

If that isn't asking for it, then I don't know what is.

STEP 1: In one of your more serious moments you put down your coke bottle and stop huffin' da Jenkem, you pick up your kitty, put him in a cage and then pour lighter fluid all over kitty.
STEP 2: You get your lighter, and contemplate the glorious funeral pyre your cat is to become.
STEP 3: Just like NEDM you are filming the last wonderful minutes of your kitty's life.
STEP 4: ????
STEP 5: PROFIT!

For you see, animal cruelty is a worthy past time that is both profitable and lulzy. There is nothing more rewarding in life then going home getting bit by your dog and then hitting the little fuckers head with a hammer till it passes out. Another good one is to get some alka-seltzers, put it into bread, and then feed it to a annoying seagull. The seagull will eat it up and then it will fucking die in a explosion of guts, foam, and lulz.

This has been known to make chanfags butthurt, so expect to see vandalism in this page from time to time.

1 Vegans
2 PETA
3 ALF
4 Pro-Animal Abuse
5 See Also
6 External Links

[edit] Vegans

The HA! HA! guy always tells the truth.

Vegans are probably healthier than YOU. However, since you are probably morbidly obese, this proves nothing. Vagans are easily identified by being grossly underweight and frail from the lack of nutrients and iron that sweet, sweet flesh provides.They are also prone to wrinkles caused by their constant scowling and anti-lulz.

Vegetarian American (TM) animals marching their way onto America's palate for a delicious 4th of July feast.

Peta protests: IRL trolling goldmines.

Children that are forced into the vegan lifestyle are notoriously more brittle than a 90 year old (but less useful for Buttsecks) and are just as likely to break their hip. They have compromised immune systems and are more likely to suffer from illness and shorter life-spans due to malnutrition from birth, as their mothers tit juice is often lacking in antibodies and nutrients. When exposing vegan children to meat, be careful to do so in small doses as large quantities will result in Roman showers. The children take to meat very quickly, and will soon join the ranks of flesh gobblers everywhere.

98% of vegans choose to be so sickly and retard their children because they believe it will save the animals from being eaten. They obviously cannot see that even if they do not eat animals, other people will, and thus their efforts are fail.

Oh, and they are also possibly scene.

That being said: the best thing you can do is troll vegans:

Method 1: Tell them you used to be vegan, but one day you were eating out your girlfriend while she had her rags and that you figured, if you can eat hers, why not a chickens?

Method 2: Tell them that you used to have a vegan boyfriend but he smelt funny, so you dumped him for a rugged meat-eater bear of a man, now when you're felching it's like going out the back of 7/11 and scoring free beef jerky from the dumpster for win!

[edit] PETA

Indeed.

1.GO TO PETA.ORG

2.JOIN FORUMS

3.CREATE TOPIC CALLED "NI GGERS"

4.????

5.PROFIT

LUL Wut!

No, you're several.

Animal rights in action!

Even vegans can't resist the flavor of fried pig fat.

In Canada, rape comes in bags.

Nude protest against bullfighting.

PETA, or "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals", or "Pedophiles for the Engaging in Terrorism for Animals", or else "People for the Emphatic Torture of Animals", is a cult created at least 100 years ago by a crazy batshit-insane bitch named Ingrid Newkirk and her furfag pals with the twin goals of torturing innocent veal ranchers for the lulz and pwning the rich by spray painting peace signs on their endangered species fur coats. ~~Which by the way is done only for the lulz as it often forces them to buy new coats.~~ The goal was not precious lulz, it was to stop people from wearing fur or some stupid gay shit like that!

The entire organization is currently $100 million in debt, and is only kept in existence by Satanic influence. In other words they strive to be the most prominent activist organization in the world. PETA consists of: massive phail and total retards. They even have a deviantART page Go on, you know what to do with it.

Fact: PETA has been protesting Bonsai Kittens, a well known trolling hoax, for over 7 years.

Fact: out of the 1997 animals that PETA "rescued" in 2007, 1815 were killed (>90%). Doesn't sound very ethical, does it?

Fact: Over half of the members PETA are devout homosexuals.

Fact: Peta is financed by the meat industry to make vegetarians look bad.

“	"If a girl gets sexual pleasure from riding a horse, does the horse suffer? If not, who cares? If you French kiss your dog and he or she thinks it's great, is it wrong? We believe all exploitation and abuse is wrong. If it isn't exploitation and abuse, it may not be wrong."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, President of ~~People~~ PERVERTS for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, and a furry

“	"I openly hope that it [Foot and Mouth disease] comes here. It will bring economic harm only for those who profit from giving people heart attacks and giving animals a concentration camp-like existence. It would be good for animals, good for human health and good for the environment."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, Because pain is gain?

“	“Humans have grown like a cancer. We're the biggest blight on the face of the earth.”	„
— More pearls of wisdom from Ingrid Newkirk

“	"That the meat of my body, or a portion thereof, be used for a human barbecue...my skin, or a portion thereof, be removed and made into leather products...my feet be removed and umbrella strands or other ornamentation be made from them...my eyes be removed, mounted and delivered to the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency..."	„
— Ingrid on how batshit insane she is.

“	“I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don’t have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn’t be harming anything.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk, Srsly

LOL WUT??

“	“Six million people died in concentration camps, but six billion broiler chickens will die this year in slaughterhouses."	„
— Ingrid Newkirk.

“	“Even if animal tests produced a cure for AIDS, we’d be against it.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk

“	“We are complete press sluts.”	„
— Ingrid Newkirk

[edit] ALF

ALF (the "Animal Liberation Front") contains all the complete psychopaths that the two above groups could not contain, so were sent off to a secret training camp in the Rocky Mountains, where they are force fed Animal Planet 24 hours a day and trained to kill farmers and hunters on sight. So far, they have distributed a large number of death threats towards their would-be foes, but have not done anything but blow up vans and let thousands of savage minks out of their cages, thus making them one of the most pussy groups to ever claim the title "terrorist organization". Funded by PETA.

[edit] Pro-Animal Abuse

[edit] Hunters

Hunters don't always have money for cars.

Children excel at animal abuse.

Hunters are mighty warriors who are frustrated that civilization won't let them squash vegans on sight. Easily agitated and often harassed, they will have a kneejerk dramatic reaction if any of these threads appear on their forums.

Why do you hate bunnies?
You are horrible, horrible men and I hope a deer eats your penis.
How would you feel if someone hunted your mom? (The answer is "FINALLY! I've been trying to get rid of that free-loading bitch for years...")
But how does the squirrel feel about it?
And any thread made by Dead_deer-chan
LOL TURTLE PUNCH

[edit] Christians

According to page 156, Article 25-b, paragraph 16 of the Bible, man has dominion over all animals. Therefore he has a divine mandate to screw with animals. He just can't eat any of the ones that don't have cloven feet, or so my Jewran tells me.

[edit] The Japanese

Japan is known for many things; hentai, bondage porn, and vending machines that dispense used panties to name a few. However, Japan is also well known for their Animal Rights Laws - or lack thereof. Japanese people enjoy many different kinds of activities that involve the lulzy mistreatment of animals, such as whaling. The Japanese have even been known to hunt whales that are deemed endangered, but they still do it anyway, because the Japs love their whale blubber. Another event in which the Japs partake is the time-honored tradition of Japanese Bug Fighting. In this hilarious and awesome competition, various kinds of scary bugs battle each other to the death for honor and glory, and you can even buy your "Battle Bug" from an aforementioned vending machine in the form of a "Gashapon" ball, in which the bugs are enclosed waiting for some little Japanese child to fork out 100 Yen to get his very own bug. Needless to say, it pisses PETA off a lot. However, since the creatures in question are not cute and furry, animal rights activists seem to have put this one on the backburner and would rather spend their time saving animals that are a bit more cuddly.