Pitchfork media

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Pitchfork Media is a music website where indie and hipster fags get news about their favorite shit bands. It achieves a level of pretention and priggishness, once thought to be impossible within the borders of civilization. It is a site written by retarded self-satisfied fanboys who feel as if their opinion is more important than the air we breathe. The name Pitchfork Media is meant as an allusion to Satan's weapon of choice. Legend has it that editor-in-chief, Ryan Schreiber allowed (a then unknown) Satan to enter his asspipe with his giant barbed-membrane and fill his bowels with boiling hot feculent demon-seed as part of a deal to find him an audience.

The sweater-clad horn-rimmed eye-glass wearing cunt-of-a-staff that Pitchfork Media employs loves nothing more than spewing effervescible nonsense about acts like the Arcade Fire and Interpol, claiming that they will change the world of rock and roll. In reality, most of these bands will put out one album of whiney fucktardedness and will never be heard from again due to a combination of artistic inadequacy and excessive heroin consumption. It should be noted that if a band is from Jew York City, they will get a rave review, regardless of how shitty their music sounds.

Over 170,000 mindless fanboys tune in to Pitchfork Media's mind-numbing rants in order to feel "in the know" and then proceed to deny that they read the online jerk-off rag because it will make them unhip. Due to their increasing number of readers, Pitchfork began advertising, receiving most of its sponsorship money from the Suicide Girls, knowing that their readership wouldn't be able to score in a monkey brothel with a bag full of ripe bananas.

Other morons who write or have written for Pitchfork include Jess Harvell, Chris Ott, Ted Leo, and that one chick they had for a short while.

They did a review for Radiohead's "Kid A" which reads like they somehow transcribed a hipster having an orgasm.