Pokémon
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Pokémon (Also known as "Poke-gay-men") started out as just a humble Game Boy game, but it soon bloated into a massive cult that recruited 9-year-olds with a shitty TV show, a card game, consecutive video games, stuffed animals, bedsheets, movies, plastic toys made in China, thongs, condoms, some very disturbing hentai and marital aids. The whole thing ended when the cult had a final stand-off with the government in Waco. After the epic battle, Mudkipz were the last of the Pokemans to not get raped by Yu-Gi-Oh cards.
The final nail in the coffin of Pokémon's popularity is the fact that wikipedophiles place articles about them on the front page (for example, here), and that all the original voice actors of the anime have been fired.
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[edit] Video Games
Note that, although Nintendo claims to sell several versions of each game, each is really identical, and it is all a ploy to sell more cartridges, link cables, and wireless adapters. The sequels are also all the same game, just the old main character is killed off and replaced, and new Pokémon are unveiled.
[edit] RGB
The original video games are actually pretty good, that is, if you like shit graphics, extreme glitchiness, and bestiality. It was created by an otaku who enjoyed collecting bugs, and so, the object of the game is for you to catch over 9000 cute little animals with your balls and force them to murder each other in battle. To win, one must also obtain all the PokéGods, secret Pokémon that have Digivolved to the highest level, such as Mew, Ho-oh, and Prof. Oak. These Pokémon are unlocked by releasing all your Pokémon after defeating the Leet Four exactly 666 times and then using the Super Rod repeatedly behind the easter egg truck.
There was a secret cheat could you could get to catch a character called "Missingno.", a glitch in the gameplay, allowing you to clone items and have pokemon with a power level of at least 100. Doing this eventually wipes your game save, and not only that, if you use your Nintendo Game Boy connect cable to trade these glitch pokemon with your best friend, it will also rape their game save as well. This has been compared to the pokemon equivalent of AIDS by leading scholars, because they both result in certain death of the infected target.
[edit] Gold and Silver
These sequels provided several new enhancements to the original Pokémon games including slightly better graphics, colored Pokémon, the infamous Misty skinny-dipping cut scene, and at least 100 new Pokémon including Pikablu, Chocobo, and Spengbob. These games also introduced the concept of Pokémon breeding, which makes all of the Pokémon-on-Pokémon Rule 34 ever conceived technically canon.
[edit] Ruby and Sapphire
The next games in the series came out for the Game Boy Advance. They featured new villains, Team Aqua and Team Magma, who think global warming is a good thing. The only positive aspect of these games was the introduction of Mudkips.
[edit] Diamond and Pearl
These latest sequels in the Pokémon franchise add connectability with teh internets, so you can trade your Mewtwo for a Magikrap from around the world!!!111 You can also download AshxGary yaoi straight to your Nintendo DS. Just be sure to carry a strong anti-virus Pokémon in your party at all times, or risked being pwned by a wild virus Pokémon encountered on the tubes.
[edit] How to Play
- Pick a name
- Get Mudkipz
- Pwn noobs
- Capture Pokémans
- Repeat over nine thousand times
- Slit your wrists
- Overdose on narcotics
- ????
- PROFIT
[edit] The Anime
The Pokémon anime tells the story of hermaphroditic Ash catchcum, whose hollow life is devoted entirely to Pokémon fanboyism. Therefore, he teams up with his best buddy and partner, the electrified rat, Pikachu, and sets out to catch 'em all.
Ash is soon accompanied by Misty O'IttyBittyTitties, former underage fetish model. He is also joined by Brock Statue Tory, all around horn dog and charter member of the Nurse Joy appreciation club. A running joke involves Brock cumming in his pants whenever he sees anything with breasts, which happens with amazing frequency considering his eyes are permanently closed. However, the reason for Brock's weird-ass behaviour is because he is gay. This is the only explanation to why he has never had a girlfriend, and why he loves to cook. As the rest of the gang are major gay-bashers, he hides this with his girl "obsession".
Ash is chased around the world by Team Rocket members Jesse, James, and their annoying retarded cat. They supply 95% of this show's lulz. They are also the subject of many shipping wars among fans who are just too dumb to realise James is gay.
Misty later leaves the show after getting knocked up and is promptly replaced by May, a jailbait whore with breasts that rival your mom's. May brings along her brother Max, an incestuous little fuckface, who is later killed, along with Tracy, by Hitler and his Nazis. In order to boost ratings, Dawn is then introduced to the show, and considering that she's 10 years old, she is an even bigger whore than the other girls, mainly due to her extremely short skirt. She has the smallest chest, probably as fan service for pedophiles, amirite?
Some argue the entire series is merely Ash's coma-induced dream, revealing such elements of his subconscious as his repressed sexual feelings and poor relationship with his father. These people need to find something better to do than psychoanalyzing bad anime.
[edit] Fansites
Back in the 90s, everyone and their grandmother created an animated-gif-filled Pokémon fansite on Geoshities, named using a complex algorithm to find the perfect combination of the words "Master," "Ultimate," "Legendary," and an arbitrarily chosen Pokémon mascot. These fansites come complete with instructions on how to get Mew and Pikablu in the games, Pokémon/Zelda crossover fanfiction, and in-depth discussions on AshxLugia shipping (OTP!!!).
The internet currently holds the undeleted remnants of these fansites, the Pokémon wiki Bulbapedia, and multiple copypasta versions of serebii.net. PokéFags also seem to think people are interested in watching 10-minute-long YouTube videos of them messing around with their Pokémon games and a GameShark.
[edit] Pokémon Shipping Wars
- Main article: Ship
[edit] 4Kids and Pokémon USA Drama
The Pokémon anime was originally dubbed for US distribution by 4Kids. Several episodes were banhammered by 4Kids for reasons varying from Brock sneezing during the SARS epidemic, to an overabundance of evil Japanese culture, to James showing off his new boobs, to Porygon-induced subliminal messages that would cause seizures and the buying of more Pokémon merchandise. This topic can cause fanboys to rant for hours on their fansites or online journals.
Eventually, Pokémon USA stepped in and yoinked the anime away from 4Kids. All the "fans" who had previously bitched about how 4Kids was raping the series now acted like it was the apocalypse that the voice artists had been replaced. They set up at least 100 online petitions to reinstate the old voices. Pokémon is clearly serious business. To make the lulz even better, one of their voice actors, Eric Stuart (who did James and Brock) posted about the voice actor changeover on his website, whining like a 13-year-old boy and spamming his own guestbook out of rage.
[edit] IRL Controversies
- Many over-protective parents claim that Pokémon is harmful to their children, since it promotes cock-fighting and similarly violent hobbies, as well as encouraging the unholy practice of summoning demons to settle childhood disputes. On the other hand, the Pope has condoned Pokémon as being full of positive messages, but, of course, we all know that the Pope is a satanic, fish-hat wearing Mudkips-lover.
- Creationists complain that Pokémon teaches the young only about the theory of evolution, and not about the alternate theory of intelligent design, thereby educating them stupid. Funny how Pokémon has Arseus, a deer-thing that supposedly created all the Pokémon.
- Pokémon allegedly promotes Nazism, since powerful Pokémon cards feature swastikas, and characters in the anime, such as Piplup, frequently hail Hitler.
- Uri Geller tried to sue Nintendo over Kadabra, because it holds a spoon.
- Jynx used to be a nigga and shoop whoop but turned purple due to BAWWWWW
[edit] Image Galleries
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| Official Manga | ||||
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[edit] Famous Pokémon
| Pokémon
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The Slaves
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[edit] See Also
- Gary Oak
- Agnph
- Pikaman
- Michael Vick
- Japanese Bug Fights - IRL Pokemon
Similar Anime
- Beyblade If we can make a show about gay fucking Pocket Monsters, we can turn some fucking TOPS into one just as good!
- Yu-Gi-Oh A series about fucking cards.
- Cardcaptor Sakura Girl version of Pokémon and Yu-Gi-Oh.
- Digimon Complete ditto of Pokémon.
- Zoids This time its about fucking giant robots.
[edit] External Links
- Bill Cosby on Pokemon.
- This site is old meme.
- Faggotry is power.
- An entire gallery of poorly drawn Rule 34.
- Pokemon are real.
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Pokémon is part of a series on Anime. |
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Pokémon is part of a series on Gaming. |
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