Poland
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Poland is a swamp in Russia inhabited by teh tribe of teh Polish plumbers. It is no longer the Mexico of Europe (title lost to Albania), is widely known for its superior tits and steroids. Polish girls are second only to Swedish in hawtness but with the disadvantage of not being blonde, while still possessing comparable mental capacity. The nation is known as a buffer zone between good and evil, referring to the neighboring nations of Germany and Russia. Poland is also well known for its shape shifting. Throughout the last thousand years its borders have changed frequently as it's been pwned repeatedly by surrounding nations, and due to severe butthurt disappeared off the face of the earth for almost 200 years. Poland has always been best friends with Germany and Russia. In 1939 Germany helped Poland get rid of its retards, handicapped, gypsies, homosexuals, and Jews. This initiative was at first welcomed, until they realised that most Polacks qualify as clinically retarded. Currently, Poland is a member of the European Union and is scheduled to host the Euro 2012 since Ukraine is unable to get their shit together.
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Overview
For most of its unremarkable history Poland existed as a fairly large, peaceful nation, occasionally kicking Russian, Tatar, Scandinavian, and German ass. Poland was known for its bad judgement in accepting people of all kinds, even the Irish and the Jews were allowed to settle on Polish lands. They all fucked one another like there was no tomorrow and produced beautiful Tall, Blond, Blue, Green, and Grey eyed babies until Germany, which was overrun by fugly Jews, and fugly German women became jealous and wanted in on all the fun. Ze Germans, lead by Adolf Hitler staged an episode called "World War II" in which they wanted to take all those beautiful Blond, Blue eyed babies with them and kill all the fugly Jews. Without the Jews raping and jewing the nation's industry, currency, government, infrastructure, and all the other things of civilized life, Poland became an Hero. Living in Poland is like living in Germany without all the Blacks, Turks, and A-Rabs. It's bliss. And 1 out of 2 women has huge tits. Since joining the European Union, Poland's main export is Meth.
There are also no Polish people left in Poland. They are all mooching off Britain with it's fantastic economy. Sucks to be them.
Tourism
Poland is a popular tourist spot, especially among the Germans, who have been visiting it regularly for over 9,000 years, usually choosing to stay for at least 100 years. Renowned German painter and philosopher Adolf Hitler loved the country so much that he built a concrete summer cottage and several summer camps there. However, the cottage was vandalized in 1945 by drunken Russians, and all the camps except for one were destroyed by drunken British tourists, who were so bombed on Polish vodka that they bombed the camps for major lulz. The one surviving camp was turned into a boring, gloomy museum, which, because of its gloominess, is now a big hit with Jewish tourists where Stiwen Szpilberg shot "The Schindler's List".
Michael Jackson wanted to build a nightmare theme park ("Michael Jackson's Wonderland") in Poland, but dropped dead after overdosing on Propofol, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Midazolam, Vicodin, OxyCodone, Dilaudid, Glue, Pre-Pubescent Boy's Sperm, Dr. Murray, Cock, White Skin, Debbie, More Young Boys, and Crack. Pedo Bear apparently still wants to buy a castle in Poland and live there.
Polish Military
The Polish Air Force is in possession of Over 9000 assault rifles, 33,000 Tanks and 6 million parachutes. Poland also acquired 48 thousand brand new F-16 jet fighters from the Americunts after George Bush lost in Solitaire to a Polish infant.
The Polish Land Forces are an elite special forces called "GROM", meaning Thunder. GROM along with other Poles got drunk and traveled to the Dark Side of the Sun during the late 1930's. They left the keys to their country to their friends Germany and U.S.S.R. who took advantage of their leave and started the epic World Wars Episode II: Poland on Vacation! Let's Party!. When the Poles returned from their 6 year drug binge, they realized all their Jews were missing, and somehow their country shifted westward and they had access to over 9000 miles of the Baltic coast line.
The Polish Navy is one of the most feared navies in the world with its fleet of thousands of U-Boats, it was considered unbeatable until recent Russian developments in submarine warfare. As a countermeasure Polish crews are currently being trained not to open the hatch when someone knocks. These efforts have so far met with limited success.
Polish navy men are no longer given the option to be buried at sea due to the high loss of life involved in digging the graves.
Religion
Poland is 90% Roman Catholic ever since the Baptism of Poland, and since the ass kicking Germans and the rest of Western Europe took at the Battle of Grunwald/Tannenberg.
The previous version of the Pope, John Paul II (real name: Karol Wojtyła), was made in Poland. Some hoped that when he was elected it would lead to an end to Polack "jokes", until they had a chance to see how he acted in office. He had a successful career as the face on many popular image macros and after a while, Karol gave up his job to his Nazi friend, Darth Benedict.
Geography
Poland’s territory extends across several geographical regions. In the northwest is the Baltic seacoast, which extends from the Bay of Pomerania to the Gulf of Gdansk. This coast is marked by several spits and swallows, coastal lakes (former bays that have been cut off from the sea), and dunes. The largely straight coastline is indented by the Szczecin Lagoon, the Bay of Fuck, and the Vistula Lagoon. The center and parts of the north lie within the North European Plain. Rising gently above these lowlands is a geographical region comprising the four hilly districts of moraines and moraine-dammed lakes formed during and after the Pleistocene ice age. These lake districts are the Pomeranian Lake District, the Greater Polish Lake District, the Kashubian Lake District, and the Masurian Lake District. The Masurian Lake District is the largest of the four and covers much of northeastern Poland. The lake districts form part of the Baltic Ridge, a series of moraine belts along the southern shore of the Baltic Sea. South of the Northern European Lowlands lie the regions of Silesia and Masovia, which are marked by broad ice-age river valleys. Farther south lies the Polish mountain region, including the Sudetes, the Cracow-Częstochowa Upland, the Świętokrzyskie Mountains, the Alps and the Carpathian Mountains, including the Beskids. The highest part of the Carpathians is the Tatra Mountains, along Poland’s southern border.
Nearly all of Poland is swirled northward into the Baltic Sea by the Vistula, the Oder, and the tributaries of these two major rivers. About half the country is drained by the Vistula.
Demographics
As of a 2007 census, there are 11.7 million Polish plumbers living in England. 38,860,000 in Poland. 10,024,711 in the USA. And about another 10 million in the rest of Europe.
Polack "Jokes"
It is a common misconception that "jokes" about Polish people were invented by the Nazis as propaganda. Research has shown that most Polish jokes have a basis in historical truth, and the reason so many were spread by the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany was simply because they had the most experience in dealing with Polacks. These "jokes" are in fact a treasured part of Polish oral tradition, literature and history. The stories have been passed down from grandparents to children over hundreds of years, and few people inside Poland are capable of understanding what's so funny about them.
Polish Trivia
The Germans invaded Poland so quickly because Poland was on vacation and only the Jews were "home".<- Polish propaganda. Fact is the Nazis walked into the country backwards, so all the Polacks thought they were leaving.- According to Polish trolls German astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus and French composer Fryderyk Chopin were Polish plumbers, but in fact only notbale Polish plumbers in historu were Unabomber and Polish national hero Steven Kazmierczak
Birthdays were not celebrated in Poland; they had Calendar days instead. (This has been changing, though, due to Poland becoming capitalist, now.)- Also, many Polish names sound like Brzęczyszczykiewicz, just to troll Americans, or piss off Germans.
- Polish women do not use vibrators because it chips their teeth.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Polish burglar.
- 99% of the Polish plumbers are homophobes and therefore homosexual.
- Most Polish computer users can fluently speak English, however they cannot even write correctly in their native-language, cos they're too lazy to hold ALT all the time.
- Their main export are pretty, barely 18 girls, with blond hair and blue eyes, as well as meth, and death metal.
- The main import is ice as no one in Poland knows the recipe.
- Cows in Poland deliver rich in protein milk because of the contamination from Uranium after the small incident in Chernobyl in 1986.
Polish Vodka is TEH REAL DEAL. It was invented there. "Pure Polish Spirit Vodka" is 96% (a massive 192 proof) alcohol content, and is prescribed by Polish doctors for a range of ailments.Actually 160 proof, faggot. Some claim that Polish Vodka can burn the cancer right out of a person. But it cannot burn Teh AIDS out of anyone. It is fact, no Pole has ever had cancer, and AIDS does not exist within the borders of Poland.- Poland also produces over 100% of all stripper poles. It has held this monopoly since Last Thursday.
- Poles are known to have shitloads of alcohol digesting capacity.
They hold current Guinness record, 12.4 promiles. The Polack who wasted himself so much was riding a bike.Record reportedly broken in April 2009 by a Russian faggot. - In Poland, left is actually left, and right is actually right, thus when leaving Poland many British become confused.
- Poland has a huge community of lesbians, all of whom LOVE the vagina.
- Poland also has a big community of Ukranians, all of whom dress up as humans.
- Poland is a known good luck charm: John Kerry forgot about it, and totally fucked up. George W. remembered Poland and successfully
fixedwon the election. - There was a group that tried to create the first Polish terrorist cell, and their first action was an attempt to blow up a bus. The entire effort dissolved shortly after the leader severely burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
- Poland is home to one of the greatest Pedobears of all time, Roman Polanski.
Poland has arrived on YTMND
Gallery
 Present polish president (at left) with his dog (at right) |
 Typical polish fashion accessory: the hair tie. |
 Image of more typical Polish citizens. |
 Cover of Grand Theft Auto: Poland. |
 Loading Screen from Grand Theft Auto: Poland. |
 Ready to Kick Some Ass!. |
 Polish Army after 20 hectoliters of Vodka. |
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Tits or GTFO
Polish girls happen to have exceptional mammaries, thus warranting Poland's existence as a country. busty.pl happens to document this phenomenon quite exceptionally. It's a shame their asses are flat.
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 Polish cumdupster. |
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 There were busty Polish girls at least 100 years ago. Even check TOW. |
See Also
External links
 | Poland is part of a series on YTMND
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