Ireland
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Ireland is the Short Bus of Europe, a mildewy, cloud-shrouded island inhabited by an ungovernable race of fuck-crazed, monkey-faced mackerel-snappers, whose legendary capacity for alcohol and maniacal obsession with death and misery, is offset only by their incomprehensible (and likely completely fake) language. At some point, the UK decided that Ireland was not cool enough for them, and kicked most of them out. The gay Irish were allowed to stay in the UK as Northern Ireland. The people of Ireland, known as Micks, Paddies, and White Niggers, are, like their African namesakes, mostly lazy, good-for-nothing parasites, interested in little except intoxication, fornication, sport, violence, sport violence, fornication violence, and mass rhythmic dancing. Their diet consists primarily of fried potatoes washed down with booze, and their day-to-day activities include drinking, fighting, laying about in their own filth, betting on soccer, and playing upon harps and tin whistles. The Irish are also known for their complete and utter lack of gray matter; most Polish jokes told in America are actually Irish jokes as enjoyed in the rest of the UK. As such, they are still better than the ill-tempered, parsimonious Scots, the tailless Manx, the subhuman Welsh, and of course, the impotent english. God bless Ireland.
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History
Ireland was once a province of Great Britain, but this was the source of epic anti-lulz so it is now an independent country famous for a number of things such as drinking, fighting, hating the English, leprechauns, terrorism, potatoes, drinking and killing the English in drunken fistfights. An ancient folk, the Gaels of Hibernia were largely unknown until Saint Patrick introduced Christianity, literacy, and the custom of eating a marshmallow cereal with sweet surprises in the 9th Century. Ireland was ruled by its own nobility until the 17th Century, when they were pwned by England, whose leader Oliver Cromwell promptly went to work killing as many Irishmen as he could find (knowing that they were both heretics AND fugly). Those who survived the British Invasion died in the subsequent potato famine, which sent waves of red-nosed, tick-ridden, clay-pipe-smoking immigrants to the USA, eventually spawning the Kennedys of Boston and TV's Conan O'Brien. Back at home, it was moar sickness, hunger and death all around as repeated attempts to send the English packing failed miserably. However, in 1921, after an all night blarney session at O'Learys Bar, the Irish Free State was formed, eliminating British rule in all but the most inhabitable of Ireland's 32. Epic Lulz ensued as the Catholic Irish Irish fought against the Anglican British Irish, a war which continues to kill many Wikipedophiles today.
Skangers
AKA scumbags, scags, knackers and North-Dubliners, make up roughly 99.99% of the Irish population, and are a huge factor that contributes to Ireland being shitty. The average skanger wears a baseball hat with the peak to the front and ridiculously high, has a shaved head, and only wears Nike, Reebok or Adidas apparel. Musically, they have Irish boners for Trance, shit-hop, and gangsta rap. Favorite foods include bahhorboorgors from Leo Burdock's, a fast-food restaurant famed for its intolerance of Serbians. They are addicted to football (soccer) and an assortment of drugs and Dutch Gold, like the rest of the Irish. If it wasn't for them, Ireland would have less fail and moar lulz. The average skanger's mortal enemy is everyone, when he is drunk, but mostly "rockers", which is a label they dump on any idiot not kitted out in the latest Liverpool or Celtic FC jersey. Owing to the fact they are fail incarnate, it is easy to fool them into believing you are one of them by wearing said clothing to prevent slagging/beatings/drunken beatings/stabbings/drunken stabbings/all of the above, but with more booze. As you may have already guessed, the skanger is a creation of the Jew, whose sole purpose is to overthrow the Eastern-American/West-British borough of Ireland through anti-social behaviour and general thuggery. Following in the spirit of Mel Gibson, the Irish government is currently formulating a national plan for the eradication of skangers for great justice.
The Irish Language
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The official language of Ireland is Gaelic. While English is a subclass of Germanic Languages, Gaelic is actually a subclass of Gungan, language of Jar Jar Binks of Star Warz fame. "Meesa wanna drink to unconscious!" is a famous Irish greeting.
Common words and phrases used by the Irish:-
- Fuck
- Cock
- Munter
- Wanker
- Aye
- Fuck
- Yore ma
- "What's'e craic?"
- Bass, Bais
- Mucker
- Fawkin' Maud Liek
- Fuck
- Yeooooooo
- Well, what 'bout yee?
- aw right weeman
- Weise up
- Whats the craic? (crack)
- Wind yer neck in
- "How's she cuttin'?" In reply:
"Full length of the blade!""Shes cuttin' fine." - Fuck
- Dae yer knee's in
- Sleggin'
- Is that yee?
- I'll bate yee
- Big mawn
- REFILL PLEASE!?/GIZ NOTHER ONE NAI!
- Fuck
- Oh, fuck
- Fuck
The casual observer might interpret Irish (or "Gay-lick") as a complex and rich language with unusual consonant usage and sentence structure. Closer inspection reveals that the Irish are just trying to speak American after one too many beers, and are just pissed to the point of incoherence. The easiest way to write a sentence in Irish is to randomly mash the keyboard with one fist (eg: Tiocfaidh Ár Lá), making Irish very similar to Hebrew. This does mean that you will look like a Jew, which is never a good thing.
In America, an Irish accent is a free ticket to having plenty of mean, brutal sex with bohemian, zaftig, Thora-Birch-like art school whores who are looking for an "authentic ethnic experience" to brag to their fellow art school whores about, but who are too bourgeois and white to actually have sex with a darkie or azn (Arabs are right out). Middle-aged suburban whores also crave Irish dick as part of their Bono/Liam Neeson fantasies. The process goes like this:
Outside the U.S.A. and Argentina, an Irish accent is a ticket to a trip to the local rebel camp where you will be asked "How we make bomb?" This is because all Irish are members of the IRA.
The Irish language is often hard to understand, as it sounds like is drunken gibberish, it goes a bit like this:
"I taw you DSFARGEG sausages were quite delicious fgsfds... OH FUCK, THAT ONE!"
Population
The Republic of Ireland
5.5 Million Approx. The Irish population has swelled in recent years due to immigration, which has reversed the historical trend of every Irish person running for the exits in a mad dash to escape the moribund economy, hidebound Catholicism, poxy weather, and general soul-crushing spiritless attitude to life that constitutes the Irish character. Population analysts infer that if immigration continues at its present rate, by 2010 the average Irish person will be 23% more intelligent, good-looking, hard-working, and sober than they are today. Encarta states that there are 10.2 Million Leprechauns, 2.6 million registered sex offenders living in Ireland, 7.4 million meth-heads, and that there are 6.3 Polish builders for every Irish Person (not any moar - they've pissed off home).
Northern Ireland
Northern Ireland is Ireland's Hat (as Canada is to America), and is the arch enemy of the South. The ethnicity rate in Northern Ireland is around 99.5% white Irish. This highlights the fact that it is a shit country that not even the poles want to live in (even though the place is fucking coming down with them). The average Northern Irish man is a muscly hairy cunt and is well trained in the gay art of boxin', which they utilize to gain anything and everything, unless there's a huge guy nearby. 99% of Northern Irishmen have murdered someone in their lifetime. If you ever visit Northern Ireland, be prepared for the fact that there is no oxygen, just glue and aerosol fumes. The word "fuck" occurs at least 89 times in the average "Norn' Iron"'ers sentences. It is believed Northern Irish people have attained such a high level of retardation by extensive rimming of British ass.
Irish Americans
Irish Americans are to Ireland what weeaboos are to Japan.
Irish Americans differentiated from real Irish people by the fact that they actually like Ireland and want to live in it. They tend to be confused 13-year-old fanboys who can be often found spending most of their time at Ye Olde Keltique Fayre 'N' Gatherin' O' Tha Clannes, held yearly in the parking lot of the Mexican flea market on the bad side of town, desperately trying to find any Irish ancestry possible so that they can celebrate St. Patrick's Day and find an excuse to get drunk. Usually they claim Irish lineage by having things like "Blonde hair" and "Blue eyes". They often have authentic Gaylick names like "Sully" "Fitzy" and "John". Irish Americans enjoy all of the authentic trappings of the Irish lifestyle by consuming uniquely Irish things like potatoes and beer. Most of them refer to themselves as Irish seeing as one of their great great great great great great great uncles twice removed emigrated to America from Ireland about a million years ago or something because of the evil Limeys. Irish Americans can also be found constantly fighting with Italian Americans, because they actually came from Italy and this makes them jealous.
In the 1960s, the Irish attempted to take over the United States by being all charming. The plot was foiled by American patriot Lee Harvey Oswald. Current presidential candidate Barack Obama was formerly known as "Barrack Pádraig O'Bama".
The only thing that can ever troll Irish-Americans as an equivalent is suggesting they have more English ancestry than Irish, which in 90 percent of cases is actually true and in many cases may cause them to become an hero, schizophrenic, ana or Jewish.
Other ways to Troll Irish Americans IRL
- Ask them who the current Taoiseach is.
- Ask them what the word "Taoiseach" actually means.
- Ask them what the National Anthem of Ireland is.
- Ask them when Ireland became an Independent nation.
- Ask them if they eat shit.
- Ask them what a Knacker is.
- Ask them them if Gay Burn is a talk show host or something their stepfather did to them when they were 10 years old.
- Remind them that by supporting Sinn Fein, they are siding with terrorists.
- If you are Irish yourself, when (they will) they ask you if you know X from X, their Irish ancestor or friend tell them yes. This will reinforce their fucktarded idea of all Irish people knowing each other somehow, as if they all sleep in bunks in one big thatched cottage.
- Ask them how many of their relatives are currently on parole.
- Ask them how often their dad beats their 'ma'.
- Ask them to post pics of their homemade/prison tattoos.
Economy
Potatoes
How to store potatoes so they last longest:
- Soak the potatoes in water.
- Put them in a plastic bag.
- Put them in the fridge.
- Eat the potatoes with bruises, cuts, and damages last as they'll last longest.
- Enjoy!
Wealth
Ireland's economy is largely based on a unique interpretation of Ronald Reagan's Trickle-Down Theory of economics. The Trickle-Up economy in Ireland largely involves massive overcharging for all substandard goods and services: This is based on such industries as charging 6 Euro for a feckin' pint and 2 Euro for a shitty plastic lighter. The revenue generated is largely funneled into offshore accounts by the tiny minority of rich people who run the country. See "Government and Politics".
The IRA
The IRA is Ireland's peacekeeping force and anyone born in Ireland is automatically a member. Northern Ireland traditionally hates everybody, including England, Southern Ireland, Protestants, and the guy who knocked over their drink. Starting fights in bars in Ireland is extremely easy. In fact, the fight probably already started before you got there. Still, its customary to go through all the customary procedures. (Hey, did yer knock ovar me pint?" "ay, i'was me fooker")
Apart from bashing the town drunk over the head with a barstool, Northerners like to gang up in terrorist groups with knives, rifles and homemade bombs made of fertilizer and hatred. They are called the IRA (not to be confused with the GAA who are incompetent with explosives but otherwise identical). They go around bombing schools, hospitals, Belfast, bashing people, firebombing houses and in general doing things for the lulz. Some people think the IRA is a terrorist organization, while others believe it's where you send in your tax payment.
If Canada was more like Northern Ireland, every single American would have migrated down to Mexico by now.
IRA After School Youth Promo Video
No, That is neither Gaza nor Afghanistan.
Gallery
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External Links
See Also
