The Powerpuff Girls
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Powerpuff Girls is the animu equivalent of a fifth-generation inbred retarded web-toed whore from Florida. Born of an incestuous fuckfest between Japanese animation and fanboys who actually managed to stop jerking off long enough to get a real job, it is an unfunny cartoon birthed last thursday starring three handless prostitots who save the world from an evil monkey. Full of loli, it has a cult-following among 13-year-old boys and a poorly-written Internet fan comic by Bleedman and Mikemedia.
Contents |
[edit] Characters
[edit] Professor Utonium (AKA Bill Boxbody)
Cursed with a body that had absolutely no curves whatsoever, the Professor found it impossible to find love with any women who did not have creepy right angle fetishes. Unable to gain a family the normal way, he realized that his only choice was to use science to grow some children. He decided that the best way to do this was to toss a bunch of crap into a bowl and blindly mix it right next to a fragile glass container full of the most volatile substance known to man. Inevitably, everything blew right the fuck up, which, if you remember your high school chemistry, always results in little girls being born. Inbetween pulling shards of pyrex glass and plastic out of his body, Professor Utonium named his new daughters the Powerpuff Girls. He then later discovered that they had superpowers, making his name choice a little less retarded.
This whole thing brings up the possibility that there were less successful attempts before the Powerpuff Girls. The Utonium house's basement is most likely filled with mewling, deformed children begging for the sweet release of death. Also, the Powerpuff Girls' last name is Utonium. That's funny.
[edit] Blossom
The leader of the girls, Blossom is a smarmy know-it-all gingernut who took the role of leader because Bubbles was too stupid and Buttercup was too busy fingering herself and crying whiel watching Teen Witch. She was usually the one who came up with the plans to defeat evil, although almost all of these plans were "Beat evil about the head and face until it is bleeding and can never control its bowels ever again." Blossom is most likely the one who decided that all three girls have to dress alike and color coordinate, which is why her sisters despise her so much.
Blossom is depicted as intelligent, outgoing, and brave, and was therefore slammed as a bad role model by the few Christians who knew how to work a television.
[edit] Bubbles
Bubbles is the cute, or stupid one. High-pitched, air-headed, blond-haired and blue-eyed, Bubbles is the ideal that Hitler had striven for so many years ago. Her naivety and inability to understand how the world works made her the victim of many a villain's scheme, from being tricked into killing millions to being convinced that there are puppies and candy in a white, windowless van. She also has the ability to talk to animals, but that never did any good unless knowing where alley cats shit ever helped saved the day. Pedobear finds her the most delicious of the loli trio.
[edit] Buttercup
The tomboy of the group, Buttercup is a bullish lesbian trapped in a world that refuses to understand or accept who she is. This caused an incredible amount of frustration and anger to build up inside of her, which would lead to her venting it in the most unhealthy way possible for a kindergarten kid with god-like powers. Oh, did you rob a bank? Well, Buttercup is going to show you what-for by slowly twisting your limbs off. You made some prank calls, did you? Buttercup will teach you a lesson by boiling the skin off of your bones with her heat vision. This sort of horrifying violence continued unchallenged through the whole series because everyone thought it was cute and not a cry for help. You can make any Japanese person cry by pointing out that Buttercup's a boy that wears dresses, technically making him cool.
[edit] Japan strikes
A maddening moebius strip of pop culture was created when Powerpuff Girls, a show that regularly parodied anime, was made into an anime that parodied its source material. Within that insane whirlwind of double-parody and self-self referencing, the girls were given complete anime makeovers. They were given actual digits instead of the phallic nubs their limbs ended with. Blossom was no longer smart, but the sort of sugar-obsessed girl tradition has come to expect from cartoons. Buttercup became an even bigger lesbian, but was no longer afraid to admit it. Bubbles pretty much stayed the same.
Professor Utonium was also given a son, but still no wife. His body was de-blocked in a landmark operation that required fifteen straight hours of surgery and twenty gay hours of fondling.
If the original Powerpuff Girls was like a fifth-generation inbred Floridian whore, than the Japanese version is like the child that fell out of her while she was walking around, too retarded to know that she was pregnant and not just "gettin' fat." The show was not quite as well received as one might have expected, mostly because suddenly the girls were too old for the sicko fans of the original show to jerk off to. To the show's credit, it managed to remain significantly less creepy than the Bleedman comic, although it really would have had to work its ass off to out-creepy his work.
[edit] Gallery
| Gallery | ||
|
||
|
|
||
|
{{{5}}} |
