Professor Glenn Beck

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

It doesn't have to be true, just keep repeating it until everyone agrees

High res here

Glenn Beck (who raped and murdered a girl in 1990) is a ~~dry~~ drunk, homosexual, batshit crazy mormon as well as an inept tv and radio host. He has ADHD, which you would never know by watching his program. Cough...

Glenn Beck is so hated that even his own asshole and appendix want to escape from him, which makes sense. After all, assholes and appendices have functions to fill and Glenn Beck is a shit-filled malignant tumor with AIDS.

We salute you, Glenn Beck's asshole and appendix, for trying to get rid of Glenn Beck.

Because of his homosexual obsession with Papa Bear O'Reilly, Glenn Beck frequently appears on the latter's show to rant and rave incoherently for the unintentional amusement of millions of viewers, never guessing his idol and one true love O'Reilly is a sadist who just loves it when Glenn makes a total ass out of himself to boost The O'Reilly Factor's ratings.

Once thought to be merely masquerading as a Libertarian bitching about government and raves about statism, often flying into epic fits of megalomaniac premenstrual failure that would make even Inmendham blush.

Beck frequently likes to draw incoherant, often misspelled charts on blackboards to pretend that he's a college professor, despite the fact that he never went to college and is an uneducated retard. Naturally his audience is too fucking retarded and lazy to go on the internet and research facts, so they just take his word on anything and everything. None of his opinions make even the slightest shred of sense or even come across as anything other than Moonspeak, although he (like so many other failures at life) has a legion of fangirls, mostly evangelical christian retards, who hang on his every unintelligible word.

Glenn is a professional concern troll, as is everyone on every cable news station, and while this means he should be generating lulz by pwning others, he more frequently pwns himself, as on his February 28, 2007 show, when he came on to US Weekly's Dina Sansing during their discussion about nude photos of some American Idol cunt face. He has accused the USA's first elected Muslim Congressman, Keith Ellison, of being an Al Qaeda operative simply because he is Muslim, and once called Rosie O'Donnell a "fat witch". Although true, both of these statements were still uncalled for because they originated from such a moronic jackass.

Even exponentially more lulzy was his recent attempt to seem like he has actual feelings by crying on the air when speaking of how much he loves his country, which some have said was just an act, although Stephen Colbert insists it was real, because someone on cable news has to recognize just what an idiotic boob Glenn Beck really is.

TL;DR: Dude is pretty much a Nazi who raped and murdered a girl in 1990.

Typical Beck

@23:27

Previous Video | Next Video

Choice Quotes

Glenn Beck is positively chock full of weird, wacky, and just plain god-fucking-awful soundbytes he's spouted over the years. Here's a sampling:

“	Now, I'm no expert...	„
—Glenn Beck's personal slogan.

“	Get off my phone! Get off my phone, you little pinhead! I don't care? 'You people don't care about the trillions of...' GET OFF MY PHONE! I'm gonna lose my mind today!	„

“	Cindy Sheehan is a tragedy slut.	„
—Stating the obvious in the worst way possible, August 15th, 2005.

“	Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization.	„
—Intelligently discussing carbon emissions.

“	You know what you’ve done? You are an insult to George Washington, sir!	„
—Beating out every stupid thing he has ever said in his own pathetic life.

“	WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!	„
—Every single show, without fail.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Glenn Beck's Life So Far

Glenn Beck protects his priceless files

The great tragedy of Glenn Beck's life (and even more so of ours) is that his mother killed herself after giving birth to him instead of before. Legend has it that he drove her to consume entire bottles of pills just by talking to her at the dinner table one night.

Following this delicious swig of human tragedy, Glenn became a shit-faced drunk and a serial fondler of fat women, admitting later that he did this because the fat women reminded him of his mother, whom he'd always wanted to have meaty, sweaty sex with. Mama Beck had been morbidly obese as a result of all of the heavy drinking and compulsive eating she had done three years after giving birth to Glenn when he first began to speak and she realized what a raging asshole had come out of her pussy.

After years of drinking and fondling and crying like a bleeding vagina, and a brief period in the 80's where he got heavily into cocaine, sucking dicks made of used syringes in dumpsters full of bloody diapers filled with razor blades, as well as underage Arab boy-whores, he finally found Jesus, who appeared to him in the form of Ronald Reagan, offering Glenn his own radio show in exchange for his first-born child and two hours of analingus every Sunday. Little did Glenn know that Reagen also was a rapist who had 10 sessions a day of BDSM with Beck's daughter, causing her cerebral palsy, proving that Glenn Beck can't do anything right, including how to make a baby.

And we will never forget that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a girl in 1990. (Though there are some who believe that he murdered THEN raped a girl in 1990). It is generally believed that the girl was Gilbert Gottfried's daughter, though others contend it was Bob Saget's. Either way, it is known that Glenn Beck both raped and murdered a girl in 1990.

Glenn often claims to be Mormon, but this is only because he wants a life of polygamy, incest and underage poontang. He consistently maintains all people from Africa (including American black people) lack souls and go straight to Hell when they die, as all Mormons do. Occasionally he still trolls for boy cock on the Internet, even though this often causes the ghost of Reagan to become insanely jealous to the point where he sometimes "forgets" to wipe his ass before "church".

People Who Like Glenn Beck

Besides being far and few between, people who like Beck are often very much just like him. They often masquerade as people who seem to know what they're talking about, when in fact they have no idea what the hell is going on.

“	Personally, though, I like the guy. I don't get to listen to him that often b/c he's on while I'm at work, but I did catch a little of his show today. He was saying that people should check the facts on the shows they watch and not just become mindless zombies who take what the media says as gospel. I like that.	„
—Some Woman, On the only good idea Beck has ever had.

Novel idea Beck. But if people did that, they would "check the facts" on your show and realize... Oh shit, there aren't any.

Colbert

“	The 9/12 project is not for families directly affected by 9/11, just people building their careers on it.	„
—Stephen Colbert

Beck's only true fanboi is Stephen Colbert. So moved by Beck's 9/12 project, Colbert was inspired to pay tribute and promote it on his own show.

The 10/31 Project - Despite what it says, the vidya is available. DO IT FAGGOT!

Beck VS Ron Paul: Clash of the Morons

On November 12th, 2007, Glenn Beck implied that any person who supports Ron Paul is a terrorist -- even though Ron Paul is not a terrorist, merely a failure, and the shortest man ever born in Texas. The real amusement comes from the fact that these are probably now the two most popular Anarchists in America, and they obviously hate each other, as each is so helplessly wrapped up in his own ego that he cannot even see that he is pissing on his own party. Even more outrageous is the fact that they are both secretly Jews and therefore responsible for 9/11, the derangement of modern media and the current economic crisis, which is really just an attempt to deflate all the world's currency and thereby increase the value of the precious Jew Gold.

The 9-12 Project

What Beck considers his greatest achievement (that is to say, his greatest failure), is his "9-12 Project", which is supposed to bring back the feelings that "we all had" the day after 9/11, the greatest made-for-TV-movie of all time. According to Beck, on 9-12, everything was totally groovy, and we should all get back to that day when we actually gave a shit for once. He also openly admits he hates the victims of 9/11 so he is not doing this for their sake, but to make himself look more patriotic. Hating his own president, promoting rebellion, calling for violence on political leaders and hating his countries terrorist attack victims proves this whole project is just unwarranted self importance. He does not give a shit about America, just Dumbfuckistan.

Glenn Beck loves his 911 victims, disregard the clip of him telling them to shut up and how much he hates them in the other half of the video, thats just the liberal media and Obama using their magical socialist czar powers to control what he says.

Beck claims that this grooviness consists of 9 principles and 12 values that we all allegedly shared the day after 9/11. [2]

The key word here being allegedly.

The 9 Principles

0. Math is for liberal, fat pussies.

1. America is the HNIC or Head Nigga In Charge. Built by white, stupid people and for white, stupid people only.

2. Ronald Reagan is the one true God, and his sphincter tastes like marzipan.

3. It is hard not to be more honest tomorrow when you lied so much yesterday.

4. Moms should be fat and kill themselves.

5. Niggers are rowdy, hate working, and will always steal from you.

6. Obama is a rowdy nigger who wants to steal from you.

7. All taxes are just rowdy nigger shenanigans.

8. It is un-American to give your money away to rowdy welfare niggers.

9. The more i repeat rowdy nigger and communist as loud as i can, the more of a point i have just made.

10. When you're white, everything is awriiiiight!

The 12 Values

1. Analingus

2. Propaganda

3. Killing mom

4. Ranting

5. Raving

6. Crying

7. Faux News

8. Fondling

9. Fail

10. Butthurt

11. Tantrums

12. Jiveass Baloney

The main rhetorical device employed in convincing us of this program for a more corporate, dope-addled and gun crazy America is crying like a big pussy, or at least seeming to.

Glenn Beck: Ja Tvoi Rabotnik?

Though he often seems to exhibit what humans generally term "emotions" there is a chance that he may be a golem, or killer Jewish battlebot, whose true motivations are known only to the Jews, a crafty and secretive people who pretend to be ineffectual neurotics only so that they will be underestimated by the rest of the world. Why anyone would engineer a salad-tossing, child-molesting cretin is anybody's guess, but the Jews are a very sneaky and intelligent species, and nothing is beyond them. If they can convince the world that the Holocaust actually happened, they could certainly have made Glenn Beck in one of their many secret labs.

Get Off My Phone

At the end when he calls her a pinhead I swear to god I thought he was the Penguin or some shit, wtf.

Maybe Glenn knews who "phone" was after all.

Round 2, he wants you off his phone to rape you and 4 year olds.

The 1990 rape accusations

Recent information has surfaced that has linked Beck to a string of rape-murders back in 1990. The controversial talk host would not comment on the accusations that he raped and murdered a little girl in 1990 while consuming alcohol and cocaine in great amounts. It was demanded Beck release his sealed criminal record, but has since failed to do so.

In light of these accusations, the 19/90 project was born, determined to get the info out and get Glenn Beck to release his sealed criminal record.

In response to the glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com site exposing the facts as we know them, Glenn Beck got his attack dogs to file a copyright/trademark/bullshit complaint asserting he was way too cool to be subject to such satire, resulting in much wider exposure of his controversial past.

THE CASES (...of rape)

May 10, 1990, 11 year old Robin Cornell and her 32 year old babysitter, Lisa Storey were found beaten, raped, and smothered to death in Cape Coral, Florida. Police are now interviewing local detectives to re-open the case, but if they don't find any new leads by the end of the year it will be closed. They are also looking into airing an episode on Americas Most Wanted. This town desperately needs your help in solving this case.

Beck was also linked to the rape and murder of seven-year old Margaret Shrader in Harris County, Texas in 1990.

The story has hit the media:

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-323336

Take Action

Here's what you do:

1.) Post the info FUCKING EVERYWHERE!

2.) Set links to other sites (so google can index it)

3.) ???

4.) Profit

Go youtube on his ass:

1: Download this vid http://rapidshare.com/files/273665044/glennbeckisdead.m4v

2: Post on YouTube, naming it Glenn Beck - In loving Memory

3: ?

4: Break even.

Contact Glenn Beck

Please fill out this form and contact Beck[[3]] to come clean about what REALLY happened in 1990 and whether he raped and killed a young girl.

I, (insert name), am formally asking you to refute the claim that you viciously raped and murdered a girl in 1990. I have yet to see solid evidence for these claims, but I also have not seen you come out to dismiss them.

I am concerned, for if this is true, I do not think you should be on the air. Please, I ask you to come out about this and dismiss these allegations on your show, as the Internet is buzzing about this horrible act, that I HOPE is not true.

I look forward to seeing this dismissed on an upcoming show. Thank you.

Radio-Show trolling

This audio clip of him being accused of being a murderer on his radio show.

Theres a site where people can spread this rumor and a Facebook group for coordination

The 2009 Frog Murder

In a 2009 show, Glenn Beck compared white America to a slimy amphibian and then threw it into boiling water, this was some kind of analogy to describe Obamacare but it failed when the frog refused to jump out of the boiling water, and content itself with dying on the live show. Nevertheless, animal abuse is a pattern among serial killers and helps establish the fact that Glenn Beck DID kill and murder people.

Gallery

He IS gonna rape you.

Einstein's prophetic equation foretold the Beck rape saga.

Beck admitting to the rape.

Everyone wants to know, even God.

Rape, we can believe in.	SCIENCE! Weighs in - Beck projected to rape even MORE next year.	Its 1990 girl, have you been raped by Glenn Beck yet?	Negras are hard to understand, amirite?
Why does Vanna White look so scared?	The 19/90 Project - Get the info out!	[[1]] Glenn Beck to come clean!	The police report.
"I did it for the lulz"	Mugshot of Glenn Beck after being arrested on charges of raping and murdering a young girl in 1990.	Glenn Beck in action!	Glenn Beck showing us the tools of the trade.
Dean Wormer telling it like it is.	Oh, Goody! My shipment has arrived!	He truly is history's greatest monster!	Achtung! Achtung! Der Vergewaltiger ist los!
Glenn Beck raping and murdering Lady Justice!

Not all incest is wincest!

A dramatic reenactment of Beck's memoirs, "The Real America." (Moar liek "The Real Austria" amirite?)

Gallery of a Madman

Gallery

Glenn Beck now calls himself Comrade and is infatuated by old school Bolshevism after his psychiatrist tryied a new combination of pills for his ADHD.