Psyonetiks
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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[edit] Psyonetiks > WTF?
Psyonetiks, is, according to their website, at least a "The purpose of Psyonetiks is to help enlighten and refit the minds and wallets of the entities here on Earth and to bring about an Imanentisation of a New Echalon in Human understanding. This may sound a heady goal to achieve, but deep down inside I think thats your goal too, and thats why you are reading this website.
Psyonetiks, when correctly applied, has a broader scope than any previous Eastern, Western, Southern or Neo religion ever has. It should be understood by the reader that process of Psyonetiks as we practice today, was already known and lost to mankind, hundreds of thousands of years ago. What we are doing with this datum is NEO & Hyper Spatialised.
The basic applied sciences for bringing about a Neo Epoch in mans enlightenment are new, but the basic hope of humankind, as it appears here in Psyonetiks is thousands of years old.
Some of you may be shocked that I am referring to Psyonetiks as a religion, but when we call Psyonetiks a religion we will it thus, from a far deeper, more primal place than only the last three thousand years. It is a knowledge of twenty three thousand years of soul searching in Asian, Western & Northern civilization.
Psyonetiks stands as a whole before you, with some of the most esoteric traditions of mankind, hidden philosophical discourse from the most revered traditions of men, with an Applied Science of tremendous raw power and length which treats the Soul and Container of mankind and shows a path to greater freedom.
Are you aware that your current religion is suffering from massive amounts of Epic Fail?
That’s right, it has “The Aids*”.
What’s the cure for that you may ask?
Meaty injections of WIN!
And Psyonetiks is that win.
100% win.
We are often asked to describe Psyonetiks, to sum up such a complex theosophical sophistry, with such clumsy tools as mere words hardly seems to do it justice at all: but sum up we must.
Simply put:
~ZOMG! LIEK PSYOETIKS IS FINAL BOSS OF RELEGEONS! IT FUXXING PWNS ALL OTHER GHEY-ASS CULTS! ~ *2
Psyonetiks is the one true religion as Dr. L Jon says:
“Our lies are New & Improved!”
Don’t be fooled into filling your brain with inferior products, marketed by our spurious competitors.
We don’t ban sausages, we don’t have lots of tricky thou shalts to remember to stick to, and we are not going to trick you into joining an amoral moneycentric mind controlling cult. We’ll ask you nicely to join our Evil Mind Controlling Amoral Moneycentric Lie Filled Spacebatshitinsane Cult instead *3.
Don’t be blagged by the Buddha, confuddled with the Christ, jibbed by Jews, scammed by Scientologists, shafted by Satanists, evolved by Evangelicals, co-opted by Krishna’s, instigated by Islam, procured by Moonies, worked over by Wicca or fobbed off with any inferior Product.
No other religion is made from 100% pure fucking WIN! *4
No other religion can offer you your choice of eternal damnation, or eternal transenligtenment, and especially not at such a cheap price.
You want an intricate network of incomprehensible acronyms to fill you with SMUG and make you sound cooler than all the other cultists?
You got it in Psyonetiks.
We even have glowing celebrity endorsements *5.
Some of the traditions consulted during the R&D of Psyonetiks include the Veda, the Tao, the thought map of Sidharta Gottama Buddha, Neo Pagan Psy Grids, collected Christian readings, the aincient wisdom of the Greeks and Romans, the collected writings of all of the finer philosophical figures such as Dewy, Kant, Nietzche, Stang, Wilson, Ravenhurst and Baily; indeed Psyonetiks is a re mapping of all the agreed 'realitys' that are held to be true by all men in ALL times, and a concerned effort to develop new Applied Sciences which can demonstrate the existence of Neo Phenomena which are usefull in creating enhanced states of being thought of as more desirable by humankind. The CHurch Of Applied Psyonetiks is the fastest growing Amoral Mind Controling Cult in all of Europe with Doctors Of Psyonetiks in places as far afield as The United States Of America. When compaired to many of our rivals, Psyonetiks Brand MEME infiltration complex and brainwashing routines operate twenty three percent cleaner. Unlike some others, The CHurch Of Applied Psyonetiks is not a 'suicide cult' as Dr. Heracy and The Board Of Directors, after much discussion, vetoed the suicide proposal on the grounds of 'Corpsum Non Fiscalato Redux'.
Psyonetiks is the only One True Religeon, and the only hope you have to secure your Soul & Container against the coming horror of the 2012 'incident'. Don't waste time SEND MONEY NOW!!!!!
Footnotes:
- yes, it does, it was bummed up the arse by a tramp, who has “the aids” and awoke behind Asda in a shopping trolley with a rolled up tenner behind its ear.
- 2 Psyonetiks: Final Boss! Prepair To Fight! You must defeat our dragon punch to stand a chance.
- 3 C’mon, SEND £ $ £ $ £ $ ‘s NOW! Please. We need the money for tinfoil hats to stop Scientology scanning our brains with their uber major league baseball satellites. WeEooOOeooeEOOooooooE!
- 4 Ask your local spiritual representative if his faith is “made of fucking win” and see what he/she says. Go on. I dare you.
- 5 But technically these are, what is known in the trade as complete filthy slanderous lies.
[edit] The Reality
Psyonetiks, seems to be mainly the work of one man, going by the name of Dr. L Jon Heracy. Rumor states that he is backed by a shadowy cartel known as the B.O.D. Psyonetiks is, in fact, 98% cheaper than Scientology, and a mighty 33% more reputable. Dr. Heracy has made many, many unsubstantiated claims about the effectiveness of Psyonetiks in treating mental illness, drug abuse, lack of lail, Christianity, Jew-itis, Aids, fail and even noncery.
In most cases, however, this so called 'Doctor' recommends 'Sending £$£$£'s NOW!!!!!'. From what we can gather, Psyonetiks is in actuality a hard faced money laundering scam, originating in Nigeria. All the monies sent to Psyonetiks are gathered up by motorcycle courier and converted into euros, then HKD, then into USD and finally into plastic wash room locker tokens for easy distribution to, of course, the Jews, who as we all know are behind EVERYTHING.
Initiates to the CHurch are then rounded up, chipped, and sent back into the wild, radiating a curious form of SMUG and looking like Scientologists on a bad acid trip. These, then, against all common sense, will memeticly infect others with Psyonetikal propaganda, leading to more innocent victims 'sending £$£$£'s NOW!!!!!'
This foul mind blight started in the United Kingdom, and Psyonetik infection has also been reported from mainland Europe and the USA.
[edit] Links
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