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RIAA
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| MUSIC PIRACY IS EQUIVALENT TO SELLING CRACK |
The RIAA is an extremely important and vital organisation created at least 100 years ago. The sole purpose of the RIAA (referred to in court as the Rape by Instant Anal Assault) is to jack up CD prices and sue people who own music in any form. They played an integral role in the downfall of Napster, and are currently destroying KaZaA for everyone. Thankfully, they haven't yet gotten their grubby hands on Bram Cohen. The RIAA's President is a fat Jew dyke who gives rimjobs to record label presidents who recently apologized for being so mean and unfunny to everybody.
The RIAA loves to sue kids and old people who download "Happy Birthday" and other public domain Holiday songs because apparently Metallica and J-Lo aren't gonna get their diamond-encrusted Rolls-Royces unless Granny pays dearly for her crimes. However, according to David Souter, it is okay to use Grokster as long as you are looking for a free Decameron, not the latest single from Modest Mouse.
The RIAA spends most of its time in law courts destroying Napster and Grokster. So, if you are a software company with "-ster" at the end of its name, change your brand name soon!
The RIAA utterly destroys at least 5'000 peoples lives every year by firing massive lawsuits that bankrupt them. Often people caught burning music onto blank CD's are sent to prison between 50 and 100 years and fined millions of dollars all for the minor moral wrongdoing of copying a music CD. The RIAA makes at least $150,000,000,000 per year. And the CEO and corporate executives of these corporations pocket a somewhat large percentage of that money. They are angry that they can't finance $900,000 mercedes, or buy 80 million dollar homes. They are losing a small percentage of their profits to online pirates. They want to continue their lurxurious lifestyles, but in order to do that, they have to needlessly destroy thousands of peoples lives. And send them to prison for dozens of years. When it comes to corporate greed, no corporation more classically defines it than the RIAA. But it's only human nature.
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[edit] Fact sheet
- RIAA is not mammal.
- RIAA fights the injustice ALL the time.
- The purpose of the RIAA is to flip out and sue people.
- In 2005, over 9000 pounds of sand were removed from the vaginas of RIAA employees and lawyers, at least 100 of which contained centipedes.
- A new report issued last Thursday states that buying John Mayer albums actually supports John Mayer.
- Like child predators, the RIAA takes pleasure in tracking down children and raping them for all they are worth.
- The RIAA loves the horsecawk.
- The RIAA thinks they have jurisdiction outside of the USA.
- RIAA has become one with the Corporate Cunts ideology.
- ????
- Profit!
[edit] Grandmothers and Lawsuits
The RIAA has a severe dislike of old people, particularly those of female persuasion. After the aforementioned old person's grandson downloaded a fuck all amount of songs off a "-ster" site, they did not go after the site (That would occur later in what would become World War 2.0), they didn't even go after the thieving little bastard, they instead went after the grandmother.
They sued her for every penny she had, totally raping her retirement plan, and crushing what spirit she had left. Feminazis everywhere went batshit crazy, the AARP collectively suffered a stroke, and lawyers everywhere shook their heads (while secretly lining their pockets from the lawsuits).
The RIAA recently published a new article warning pregnant women of possible birth defects due to listening to pirated death metal. It went on to mention that syphilis and AIDS are both caused by the continued piracy and circulation of copyrighted music. A piratekiller has been pre-emptively deployed to punish those pirates who are responsible for this suffering.
Interestingly enough, one of the joys of living in Canada (aside from the free health care which includes free surgeries that would cost $1,000,000,000USD and the pain meds that are epic win) is that the MPAA and RIAA have no legal clout. Canada levies a tax on all recordable media like CD-R's, cassettes and VHS tapes that is paid as hush money to the RIAA and MPAA. This allows Canadians to download, archive and share MP3's and AVI movies freely and burn "archival copies in the format of their choice" at will. When the RIAA attempted to bend Canadians over the desk and assrape them for intellectual property theft, Canadians as a whole laughed in their faces and pointed to the taxation and copyright laws that state that a Canadian can download, share and fuck the RIAA up the ass at will because they are given money to shut the fuck up. In short, Canada pwns the asses of the MPAA and RIAA.
[edit] Leaked Video
Do you know anyone who owns blank CDs? They may be a terrorist! Watch this informative video and report any suspicious behaviour to your local law enforcement.
http://thepiratebay.org/tor/4034469/RIAA_Training_Video__Prosecution_of_Music_Piracy
[edit] See Also
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RIAA is a part of a series on acronyms. | ||||||||||||
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RIAA is part of a series on Music. |
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