RIKI-OH
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
RIKI-OH (Also known as "Ricky oh" or "Story Of Ricky") is quite possibly the greatest movie of the 90s and is a favorite among /b/tards. In the distant future of 2001AD, prisons are privatized and controlled by meat bags who have super ninja techniques. Ricky, a mild mannered man who is the master the art of QI-GONG: A technique to have superhuman strength and the ability to RIP AND TEAR his foes.
PROTIP: Watch the movie with the engrish dubbing for extra lulz.
Contents |
[edit] Story
Ricky is put into a maximum security prison for taking revenge on drug dealers who allegedly killed his girlfriend, when in reality she was an aspie twit who self-pwned herself by running off a building. Upon arrival at the prison the security X-ray shows that he has bullets in his chest that he keeps for "souvenirs". This amazing character development foretells how truly badass this guy is.
Within a short time Ricky realizes that the prisoners are being beaten, raped, and horribly oppressed. The line is drawn for Ricky when he finds that they handcuff the dead. At this point he goes crazy and vows to make this the most violent movie in existence. He learns that the prison is controlled by the ruthless gang of four who control different wings of the prison.
They include:
- A tattooed man who strangles people with his intestines when he commits HARI-KARI.
- A meat man goes around smashing heads
- A man who fights with a sewing needle
- A gigantic faggot who grows opium
From this point on the movie is filled with epic amounts of violence, animal abuse (a dog getting kicked in half), children who get their tongues cut out and skinned, people getting their heads exploded, and other lulz maneouvers. During this time the assistant warden, a man with a hook hand and who keeps mints in his glass eye (srsly WTF?) tries to get the gang of four to kill Ricky and put to rest his prison riot.
Ricky manages to kill some of the gang of four but is caught, tortured, and buried. However he manages to break free with the energy from eating a dogs liver, and proceeds to punch peoples limbs and heads apart.
[edit] The Final Boss
When the gang of four is thoroughly pwned, the prison warden shows up and wants to fight ricky because: "To be the prison warden, one must be the very best at kung-fu". However before this he kills his assistant warden and the last gang of four member with his special gun that has bullets that inflate people until they explode. Holy shit.
The warden then turns into a horrible Styrofoam monster and kicks Ricky's ass until Ricky remembers his masters words: "QUI-GONG feeds off of strength and gets stronger!" enabling him to suddenly have the sufficient strength to punch through the monster. After killing the warden, Ricky Falcon Punches a hole in the prison wall and yells "YOU ARE ALL FREE NOW!" releasing hundreds of pedophiles, rapists and murderers back into society. Awesome.
[edit] Criticism
Due to it's general awesomeness, RIKI-OH is often critisised as being unrealistic and uninsipired. Furthermore, its plot was questioned due to the fact the prisoners are allowed to just walk around and rape each other without anybody giving a shit, and the fact that the really gay villain kicks a dog in half effortlessly. People also stated that the Warden transforming into a monster at the end was unneeded and didn't even make sense.
Shut the fuck up, there's nothing wrong with the film.
[edit] Review
"After watching this film you'll immediately watch it again, tear your clothes off and punch a window with joy, then you'll realize you're not as strong as riki-oh and die of window aids" - Bizarre Magazine
"I came over 9000" - Woll Smoth
"I had to change my underwear twice; once from shitting my pants due to sheer awesome, and once from having such a strong orgasm from the boner this movie produced. It really is the greatest movie in existence ever." - Moviefagz
[edit] Rating:
ED gives this movie 5 out of a possible 5 exploding heads:
Final Verdict:
WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW!
No really, watch this movie now.
