Joseph Evers welcomes new LinkedIn and Facebook connections!

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This article needs moar moderators to go fuck their pillows. You can help by adding moar moderators to go fuck their pillows.

NOTE: THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN ALMOST ENTIRELY BY TWO MEMBERS OF ATEASE; BOXCARS AND KID A/MNESIAC.

Ateaseweb.com is a fansite for the band Radiohead. Its messageboard is one of the largest on the internets. Though its origins are somewhat shrouded in mystery, it is known to date back to at least 2000. It boasts an extremely diverse and developed community, however dysfunctional.

There are three types of people on Atease: those who post strictly in the main forum and worship Radiohead members' various body parts, those who post strictly in the other music forum and compulsively create lists to prove their musical nerdiness, and those who stay mostly in general chat and are obsessed with pwning one another (genchat is also home to countless intelligent but disaffected teenagers who are really into sarcasm and outverbalizing each other). Naturally, there are many exceptions, but it's impressive how long this format has stayed pretty much unchanged despite a lot of turnover.

Despite being one of the largest music forums on the internet, Atease is also one of the most poorly moderated.

Contents 1 The Rise and Fall of Yifan Guo 1.1 Rorschach 1.2 Jaunty Angle 1.3 iluvanal 1.4 Operation Turtle Burger 1.5 Ash 1.6 Leaving atease 1.7 Soliciting Minors 1.8 Penis Pix 1.9 Ramshackle 1.10 Adriaan 1.11 Goudvis 1.12 Nadine 1.13 Sean the Black Bastard 1.14 BreathOfTheMorning 1.15 Wierd Fishee 1.16 Atease Couples 1.17 Paranoid and fragile 1.18 Silverion 1.19 2004 1.20 2005 1.21 2007 2 2008 2.1 Controversy 2.2 Threads of Notable Idiocy 2.3 Notable Trolls of Atease

[edit] The Rise and Fall of Yifan Guo

Yifan Guo is a tragic misanthrope. As one of the original Ateasers, this strange convergence of neurotic blogger and tenacious troll has employed an arsenal of china-related aliases, all focused on two final goals: to disrupt racial harmony (he's azn, lol) and to get some advice on boning hot chicks.

Yifan is perhaps the most oft-banned Ateaser. From his genesis as DetunedRadio, to his rebirth as Warchild, and in his latest incarnation as Starlight, the guy has never seen fit to modify his approach or post his picture in Mugshots. As a consequence, pwners (not likely) known as Boxcars and Robert C Mackle teamed up with co-conspiracist (he's azn, lol) Ocin to conduct the most lukewarm of all pwnings. An alias was registered, in the form of HerSpaceResearch - a female chinese love interest who would either make or break Yifanchan once and for all. The name Lin Yao was selected by Boxcars, alongside pictures contributed by Ocin of some random azn chick from MySpace. Yifan fell for Boxcars' and Mackle's affectionate posts and Ocin's suggestive PMs, and soon enough declared his love for the fictional creation. Pictures, phone numbers, and sexually-charged stories were exchanged, and when the time came for the Big Reveal, Boxcars chickened out and suggested that Yifan never discovered the extent of the deception. Ocin however had other plans, revealling everything but the pictures (which we wrongly assumed were fakes) and forcing yifan into a self-imposed exile of shame.

It was a long time before Yifan returned, and Mackle and Boxcars bridged the gap by registering new aliases in Yifan's honour. For a while, ComotoseBunnyButcher and WenJiabao provided (barely) passable Yifan impersonations until the little guy (he'z asn, lol) saw it fit to return. At this time, Boxcars and Yifan had formed a somewhat parasitical relationship on MSN, in the form of Boxcars' penance for being so downright nasty. During these bonding sessions, Boxcars finally discovered that the Yifan pictures in his possession were actually genuine, and also managed to accumulate a further 3 pictures, 2 of which he posted on Atease during his short-lived work as the Rogue Moderator Rorschach (when Yifan was once again in need of pwning).

[edit] Rorschach

Rorschach was an alias created by Boxcars, named after an Alan Moore comic book character. The alias was designed as a more up-market sort of pwner; a prophet of doom who would 'cleanse' the nastier ateasers of their online sins by finding their achilles heels and exploiting them. By refraining from talking about 'pwning' and acting in a troll-like fashion, Rorschach was able to survive a week, during which certain stupid Ateasers began to see him as a genuine threat. Viva Hate and Kathleen befriended the masked avenger on MSN and pleaded with him to cleanse long-time-irritant JustSomeFamilyFun, and Nattielight cleaned up his act (albeit temporarily) when Rorschach threatened to post Nattielight's number on a network of transexual dating sites. The consistly boring and pretentious Saiken vowed to leave Atease (and MSN Messenger) forever, when Rorschach posted his picture and revealled him to be 14 years old; and images of Yifan holding up a sign saying "ATEASE" were posted for the first time, and for once their authenticity was undeniable.

Robert C Mackle was also faked-cleansed once Boxcars revealled his identity to his pwning buddy on MSN. Silly Chat-logs were posted with Mackle pretending to be a homosexual, which made people question the validity of Rorschach's previous efforts. At this point, Baptist intervened and banned the alias. A new Rorschach account has since been registered, and applicants are currently being screened to play the role of the crusading Rogue Moderator.

[edit] Jaunty Angle

marting (intentional lower case m) is a big gay, roflcoptor.

[edit] iluvanal

He loves anal.

[edit] Operation Turtle Burger

Late last year a strange user appeared called operation turtle burger. Nobody knows who this mysterious figure is, but what we do know is they spawned a song of the same name, written and composed by maple tree. In her own words "it's awesome and a mix of styles from 70s cop show to bhangra". No one would disagree.

[edit] Ash

As of July 2006, this weird little dude (aka twenty-two-year-old Aaron of Minnesota) has accumlated over 40,000 posts in about three years, making him by far the top poster on Atease. Obsessed with monkeys, ducks, and the absurd, his life is one neverending pursuit of a larger postcount. His posts are mostly incoherent, frequently brilliant messes of puns and alliteration peppered with obscure pop culture references (ex-pop star Aaron Carter, band Super Furry Animals, and actor Crispin Glover are a few of his fixations). In late 2006, he was banned after attempting to bypass flood control through multi-browser browsing. To further humiliate him, Ade had his postcount reduced to one. However, he easily bypassed the ban, and still posts on atease under several aliases, Dr. Lime/Evil Dad Ash 3/Abu. He has suggested that he may have his name changed to Abuladdin, Aladdin, and din. He is currently sporting a massively unattractive beard.

This is his YouTube channel, where he makes videos for his homemade music.

[edit] Leaving atease

Many users deem it necessary to have themselves deleted from atease permanently. Radiohead fans genetically lack the ability to quit stuff using their own free will. Cock tease Mannequin left atease for good and had her account deleted. She was spotted over the next few days on various messageboards over the world wide web, including gaia online and the honda s2000 forums. Unfortunately due to not being 11 and her lack of an s2000 she was unable to integrate herself into these communities and eventually came crawling back. She returned to atease 3 days after leaving as wilson the volleyball. Other members who have left atease only to soon return include The Ghost Of 'Lectricity, Viva Hate, and a few others.

[edit] Soliciting Minors

It has become common practice on atease for male members to try to solicit nude pictures from the teenage girls that currently plague atease. Unfortunately, as of this date, no members have been successful in achieving the holy grail of internet perverts everywhere. Often when such advances for pictures are not met members often lash out and harass the female users even more. Male members often try to use their own genitalia to persuade the youngsters to part with their precious nudes. Many users believe nexus6 used the LEGSFROMHELL to solicit noods from Pokeh, but again, this is JUST CONJECTURE.

[edit] Penis Pix

Genchat has seen an incredible volume of male genitalia pictures in its time. Sexually frustrated Ateasers such as Viva Hate, kid8, Polvo del Coyote, Scottish Dude, and most recently, transdimensional, have for whatever fucking reason felt compelled to take pictures of their penes and post them on the messageboard (though they are occasionally leaked by the females whom these guys intended to woo). Transdimensional was sold out by the user meisadumb1 when she leaked the pics into an msn group conversation. Much hilarity ensued with people posting the link here, there, and everwhere. Notable troll boxcars suggested seducing transdimensionals mum, who posts on atease under the alias weird fishee, and showing her own sons cock to her whilst passing it off as his own. Sad sick fuck.

[edit] Ramshackle

On July 7, 2003, during Radiohead's Hail to the Thief Tour, a fan on the messageboard registered the alias "freedom for palestine" and began posting bomb threats for the show in Bergamo, Italy that night. The matter was investigated by authorities, who identified a messageboard user known as "ramshackle". Unfortunately, soon after, the messageboard suffered a major crash and all post data was lost. "Ramshackle" was apprehended, tried, and incarcerated for 2 months. No shit.

[edit] Adriaan

No one really knows whether the apparent owner of the board Adriaan actually exists. Affectionately known as 'ade' or 'that dutch bastard' around the board, the true indentity of Atease's first member remains uncertain. Amongst other theories, atease member Sebadohead recently stated that Adriaan was nothing more than "Pins dressed as a man". Some say he sleeps upside down wearing only a kilt and that he only eats small filipino boys. Most likely he is merely another alias. Ade is a supremely clueless and inapt site admin, who's let the site decay into its current state slow servers, porn ads, and penis pix.

[edit] Goudvis

Goudvis began his slow and treacherous climb up the atease shit pile sometime in 04. He soon garnered popularity in the community for being "that quirky carrot fucker" and charmed many women/girls/toddlers into e-marrying him. In mid 06, it was suggested that a new moderator be added to the roster of the almost entirely non-existant atease staff, and Goudvis campaigned (unopposed) for this position. Eventually, Ade woke up long enough to grant Goudvis moderator status. Despite not actually moderating the place, Goudvis still wanted more power, and was made admin by late 07. This move sparked anger amongst the users of atease, but Goudvis found reason to ban them before they could speak out. Curretnly, he leaves the site almost entirely unmoderated, save for a few arbitrary bannings and thread locks every few weeks. The last rebels seceded when their leader, JohnnyMarr, had a mental breakdown, cut his hair, and pulled a Holden Caufield. As of now, Goudvis has accepted his fate as the hated admin, and continues to ban certain member repeatedly, while lying about numerous aspects of his adminship to escape menial tasks such as name changing.

[edit] Nadine

Back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, few would have predicted that Nadine would grow up to be a fully fledged wannabe Azn girl, frantically searching for a place in the history books as the person who finally invents a cure for the dreaded cancer. But 100 years later, Nadine is close to achieving this, and with the help of some furry friends might very soon by one of the leading scientists of all time. How has Nadine done this? Well with every post she makes, ten american Canadian dollars goes towards Cancer Research, and she is now only two thousand posts off making enough money to cure this miserable disease. The rest of the atease community cheers her on, and are happy to encourage her to post post and post. Go Nadine, a true Taiwanese legend. Notable sayings -

• GUYS WHAT?
• GUYS C'MON
• OMG WHAT
• WHAT HELL?
• OMG
• WHAT FUCK?

[edit] Sean the Black Bastard

Sean is a black bastard who posts evenly across most forums. Go fuck your mum.

[edit] BreathOfTheMorning

Breathofthemorning/john has been regestered to Atease sinse the release of "In Rainbows" Radioheads 7th Studio album. John, started out his life as a Troll, and he finally climbed his way up the ranks of atease after many disagreements with certain Ateasers. He now takes refuge in the controversial clique 'MPINE' (Meeting People Is Not Easy). He now stands there up with the finest ateasers.

[edit] Wierd Fishee

Wierd Fishee sold her house and moved her entire family to Oxford, for reasons she claims had nothing to do with the fact that it is the home of Radiohead. While there, she divorced her husband because she fell in love with a mysterious musician she refers to as her "soul mate" or her "boyfriend"--despite the fact that she does not have and has never had a relationship with this person. For over a year she has said that they will hopefully be together "soon". Because she met her self-described soul mate the exact same day she met Thom Yorke, because her posts detailing her encounters with her soul mate closely resemble her posts detailing running into Thom Yorke, and because she interprets every song Thom has written since they met to be about the narrator leaving behind his stifling relationship for a new lover, many have come to the conclusion that Wierd Fishee is a mentally ill stalker who believes Thom is in love with her. Wierd Fishee will hurl insults and threats when her beloved Thom is slighted in any fashion, and because she is pathologically lacking in self-awareness will react with an air of wounded martyrdom when she is attacked because people believe she is implying that Thom is a scumbag who gets his bandmates together to write a concept album about wanting to fuck another woman which he then performs in front of his longterm partner and their children. She is the mother of ateaser transdimensional.

[edit] Atease Couples

Atease has brought together a surprising number of couples, some of whom have travelled thousands of miles to meet and fuck each other. A few examples:

• Pablito and lightningscar
• Radioskull and blackstar

• redmilk and Sebadohead
• fragile and paranoid
• rainwater and Clinto Yug
• shimbot and the dude (now married)
• tropicofcancer and posthuman
• Dark Heat and cherricola
• Jflex and c..m
• Scott Walker and Ocin/Joanna and Kathleen (first board threesome)
• May-May and Faithless
• Sabby and smoothjimmyapollo
• thescottishdude and mameryn and magic shed (at the same time)
• Sabby and Rob (What Would Brian Boitono Do?)
• pins and crap
• Plasma Agitator and Hellobidies
• Knickers and itwasaristocratV
• Nanakey and skinny_antenna

[edit] Paranoid and fragile

Paranoid and fragile enjoyed a long distance relationship for a few years, stemming from paranoids initial stalking of her. The relationship was strained when fragile went to college and started having threesomes with random strangers though, paranoid read all about her antics on her livejournal, and subsequently started emo-ing about all over atease. Their relationship broke up for a trial week, where fragile fucked some more random strangers and paranoid continued to emo about. It all culminated in the Ex-girlfriends.., ..in Black Civics thread, paranoid repeadtedly stating that fragile had his email so she could contact him if need be. Also, as JERMZ the Argentinian indie boy said, PARANOID IS GHEY!

[edit] Silverion

Silverion is a 25-year-old retard from Middle England who comes out with this sort of crap:

This is essentially related to the last thread of mine. Since that went into crapism with the usual overlong posts that are spam and idiots posting without actually saying anything...

The point stands that people always try to find groups that are most close to them. Trying to find a mould. I always used to say i will not be a sheep. I will not look for my own mould. The group of people who are most close to my own sence of personality. So many friendships people form that are shallow and dont mean all that much. Based on how much you have in common with others. Well everyone knows opposites attract. Everyone also knows that a few friends formed over time mean more then a dosen friends formed over a matter of weeks. This is what i mean by cliques. And no. I am not part of a clique unless you would name it as an anti clique. Which i guess i am. But thats better then a bunch of friends who stab you in the back as soon as you start to change. So does anyone here know what i am trying to say?

[edit] 2004

In May of 2004, ateaseweb.com's messageboard saw a surge of users due to Radiohead's performance as promoters for the Coachella festival. There was another crash, with many boardies left in disarray without postcounts and familiar aliases to fall back on. When the board was reestablished later that month, users were required to provide an e-mail address, which led to a noticeable decrease in offensive aliases. 2004 was also the year the impressively original phrase "my god, you are ugly" became rampant throughout the messageboard as a form of trolling. In response, it became a joke to retort "say what you will, I'm not ashamed of my face." What's wrong's the wrong that's always in wrong. Also, fans started suggesting that "Punch Up is JUST RIPE to be a 10-15 Live Jam!", parodying Radiohead's guitarist Jonny Greenwood's comments on jamming as "mutual masturbation." There was a series of completely useless online petitions started to support this cause. All of them failed. Fucking emo dumbasses.

[edit] 2005

It was in 2005 that a plot to destroy the jed...I mean the ateasers, was uncovered. All signs point to the evil Mortigi Tempo as being the source of the destruction. Multiple Atease crashes have left the ateasers scattered and alone, but a few brave soldiers have taken it upon themselves to annihilate the evil MT from the inside by making it the opposite of what it is: interesting and witty. The task proved to be easier than previously thought. MT seemed to lay down its arms immediately, the beauty and originality of the ateasers blinding their putrid souls.

As the rebuilding of their kingdom continues, real life awaits all ateasers. May it be swell.

[edit] 2007

After the non-entity that was 2006, atease sparked back into life in 2007 with some truly memorable threads.

Notable users included hellobidies, and his relationship with plasma agitator, KidA/mnesiac becoming the first person to have two threads simultaneously in classics, ragdoll and her inevitable death, as well as the slow, sad decline of wierd fishee into her mental breakdown.

In actual fact, a user, drea, did die at the age of 29 of a stroke. No shit.

[edit] 2008

2008 began slowly, with many notable users (kathleen, johnnymarr, etc.) leaving, and several being banned (ReCreeper, Kid A/mnesiac). With these important pillars of the atease community missing, gen chat soon fell under control of the "dirty mind group". This group, initiated in late '07 by an influx of new users hyping out over In Rainbows, is known for it's overuse of emoticons, and obsession with anal sex. Atease is currently held together by MPINE, a chat thread in which almost every single important ateaser now posts. New and promising faces to emerge from the gen chat scene include TheBreathOfTheMorning (AKA Jaunty Jr.), Pretty Patterns (AKA "The Replacement Kathleen"), NoNeedlessNoise (An incredibly annoying 21-year-old who makes an obscene amount of needless noise), superdave (Posts controversal images on mugshots), vodka1 (he's gay), iluvanal (he loves anal), irondragons (dealing with puberty), eat the sun (easily angered), and the.eraser (has a great accent).

[edit] Controversy

Many Ateasers are involved directly or indriectly with The Pork King. This has raised fears that Atease will be unable to comply with government subsised funding regulations and that they may spiral downwards, instead of the widely regarded and well respected, 90 degree angle. The Pork King has denounced any involvement with any members of Atease, on one occasion being quoted as saying "My good squire, I am neither involved with the good folks at Atease or am I sending them spark plugs by recorded delivery. To add to my earlier point, The Fresh Prince of Belair lost it after series one. There will be no questions, HAWZDAT?" Although nothing has been proved, it is strongly contested by Delia Smith that her chip pan fire was a direct result of Atease's failure to comply with subsidised funding regulations. This allegation is an important reminder of the importance of rawk.

[edit] Threads of Notable Idiocy

• Martin post the third person thread
• WHEAT
• CHAFF... MARK I
• the greatest board hoax ever
• The Viva Hate Q&A
• i think i'm nonsexual like a faux-moz/fakeVIVA
• I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AND CRY
• Thrad.
• ARPEGGI!!1!!1!1!
• Let's invade the Hanson forums!
• Gay Week
• Turn On the Bright Lights vs Nevermind
• Stupid Chinese Bitch ass motherfuckers
• BIG News!!!

[edit] Notable Trolls of Atease

• Goudvis (admin
• adriaan (admin)
• the baptist (admin)
• Ash
• Viva Hate
• Saiken
• DetunedRadio / all manner of China-related aliases
• Jaunty Angle
• Polvo del Coyote
• justsomefamilyfun
• Mr. Pink
• Hoodlum
• Finidi/Blue Lines/Halo (Semen Scholar)
• Sean Johnston
• nadinosaur
• Ruxpin / Brenda
• Ocin

• Mannequin / Wilson The Volleyball
• Orifice
• rainwater
• The Ghost Of 'Lectricity / Elias
• Nexus6
• maple tree
• Magic Shed
• skabadelic
• dizzee satchel
• Viddy
• JohnnyMarr
• transdimensional
• Phyte
• Boxcars
• Robert C. Mackle
• stu
• Nattielight
• Ash-hall
• Jack Brown
• Modvac
• God / Finbar Saunders
• gertruda_1
• caelo
• o-ren
• ragdoll (deceased?)
• Question Man
• pins
• blackstar (Christopher O'Riley, pianist)
• hardlylurkin (and his drones Hamachi and Mahntoh)
• rote8
• lightningscar
• Pablito
• Saint Tito
• aspectable
• fuzzyste
• Polmol / Die
• ramshackle (when not in prison)
• Luckywolf
• Phil Selway
• Schizima
• Goombajawa
• Scissorlock
• Ban This Motherfuckers
• Goombajawa and Your Mother
• Son of Goombajawa
• Goombajawa Kicks Ass
• The Real Chris Martin