Raptor Jesus

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Classic Raptor Jesus

As good as a Raptor Jesus pic gets

Raptor Jesus sells babies

Raptor Jesus greeted by a follower when He arrived at Dulles last Thursday.

The Gospel according to the Apostle Grinman 3:16

In Episode 9, Season 2 of Beast wars behold, the Raptor Jesus Dinobot Christ laid down his life to save humankind from extinction. And behold the fleshybots live to this day with a twisted code of honour similar to his own that it is okay to kill superior beings to save weaker hairier ones. But lo as prophecied it came to pass in Season 3 episode 5, that Dinobot ROSE from the grave of the Matrix, in an ascended transmetal 2 form. During this second coming he and God (Optimus) brought down the Nemesis and Megatron. And by his clawed hands were bought a thousands years of peace (and 2 shitty beast machines seasons that made no sense) I reveal to you a divine truth, the Saviour spoken of by the cult of Primus is DINOBOT! He is the Raptor Jesus who was recorded in the chronicles of cybertron which were sealed in the Ark and nemesis.

A minor, mildly retarded 4chan meme consisting of a raptor's head crudely photoshopped onto any picture of Jesus. Rose to fame when it became the 900,000th picture posted to /b/, only to have the moderators replace it with a much funnier image - a manga of a man with a donut around his penis. Raptor Jesus never achieved the status of Cockmongler or Pedobear amongst the rapists and pedophiles of /b/, but His "disciples" keep the faith alive in the Rapor Jesus Wiki, a mindless mess of half-formed sentences, drunken ramblings and faux biblical language. Also, as of Realization Day, it was revealed that Sam Neill is the Holy Father of Raptor Jesus. All praise Sam Neill the Father, Raptor Jesus the Son, and Jeff Goldblum the Holy Spirit.

A select group of believers in Raptor Jesus have furthered the religion with Parxism (or more formally Parksism), a very loosely cobbled-together belief system relating to a multi-million year old park that sustained the Raptor Jesus after he went extinct for our sins. A further belief is that such an island probably played the role of the Ark in "Noah's Ark" (a popular chapter of the Bible) when Raptor used his leet skillz to move 2 of every dinosaur to the island when a massive asteroid hit the Earth. Years later when Raptor had returned to heaven he would share the tale with his younger brother, who would then proclaim it as his own when he was on the Earth.

1 The Prayer of Raptor Jesus
2 The Creed of Raptor Jesus
3 Second Coming/ "The VelociRapture"
4 Gallery
5 External links
6 See Also

[edit] The Prayer of Raptor Jesus

"This prayer the Holy Saurian didst impart upon his loyal followers, the seventh hour of the fourth day of the eleventh month, during the festival of loli-worship."

Our Raptor,
Who art in /h/eaven,
shopped be Thy face;
Thy donations come,
Thy posts be done
in /b/ as it is in /h/eaven.
Give us this day our daily Bridget;
and forgive us our trolling
as we forgive those who troll against us,
and lead us not into faggotry,
but deliver us from /fur/ry.
In the name of the Moot, the Raptor, and the Holy Server,
Amen.

Raptor Jesus is our saviour, but since he went extinct for our sins, the point is considered by some to be moot. However, when our lord rises again as Catnarok is nigh naysayers and heretics shall be cast underfoot and disembowled by his holy talons.

From what little is understood of Raptor Jesus by we mere mortals, He is a divine trinity. The Trinity consists of the Father, the Son and the Holy ghost; it is believed early Christians plagiarised the holy words of our savior.

[edit] The Creed of Raptor Jesus

Followers of Raptor Jesus are easily identifiable because thier eyes burn with the fervor of the righteous. They live by the following simple beliefs and most likely have one or more of these statements tattooed on their bodies.

Love Raptor Jesus or die.
Raptor Jesus is the saviour of all mankind, and will deliver thee to carnivorous enlightnement.
Believe in the Lord Raptor Jesus, and thou shalt be saved!
Raptor Jesus will rise again!
Raptor Jesus went extinct for your sins!
Raptor Jesus loves you!
The divine trinity of Raptor Jesus shelters us from the coming Catnarok!
Thus shall the Vegan know eternal torment

[edit] Second Coming/ "The VelociRapture"

The second coming of Raptor Jesus actually occurred last Thursday. Many were expecting a massive Earth shattering event to announce His presence but instead He arrived on United Airlines Flight 47 to Dulles. Reporters waiting at the gate quoted Raptor Jesus as saying he was "vaklempt" and something about "mashugenah." This is of course because Raptor Jesus is a fucking Jew. He has not yet rendered judgment on the sinners of the world but instead is sitting in His basement eating Ramen and spinning a dreidel. His MySpace page here.

[edit] Gallery

Praise Him!

The first incarnation of Raptor Jesus.

Jews killed Raptor Jesus.

He went extinct to forgive our sins.

Where indeed...

[Collapse Gallery] [Expand Gallery] 0

	his only son	Nigras like to hang pictures of Raptor Jesus on the walls of their shacks.	TOW got vandalized...




Truly divine wisdom.

Raptor Jesus's arch nemesis, TyrannoSatan	Raptor Pieta	The Bible tells me so.	Raptor Jesus is not without enemies
Inspired spin off B-movies such as "The Last Temptation of Christ" and "The Passion"