Richard Simmons
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Richard Simmons was born in a small shack in the middle of Mexico. Being paler than his fellow Mexis, he was often taunted. This led him to consuming massive amounts of unprocessed lard. Ballooning up to over 9000 lbs, he had a near death experience one night after he almost suffocated from the metric tonnes of fat impeding his air passages. During the moments he was near the brink of death, he had hallucinations of teh cock (he had not been able to see his own in many years due to his massive gut). Realizing the error of his ways, he promptly decided it was time for him to change his life around. A diet high in protein and sodium would become the foundation of his movement. As would large amounts of sweaty, half-naked exercise. The rest is history
[edit] Rise to Fame -- Early Afro Years
His toils to revolutionize the fitness industry went unnoticed for a number of years. Feelings of despair started to arise, and for a short time, Simmons considered ending his crusade. However, a guest spot in a homosexual pornographic film 6 Gays Till Sunday got him local notariety in California and he soon had drawn enough interest to open a massage parlor, I mean, a Fitness Club.
It was during this time period that he had begun to start growing his imfamous afro. Doctors had told him when he was a child that he would forever be bald. However, the high amount of nutrients he started absorbing from his work at his fitness club started to have a profound effect.
[edit] The Infamous Whose Line Incident
Every star has a falling. For Pee Wee it was porno vids. For Richard Simmons it was the biggest oreo alive. Wayne Brady. Invited to guest star on the popular show Whose Line, Simmons proceeded to sexually molest Brady for a number of hours on national television. This proceeded to send his message of fitness into unpopularity. Meanwhile, the lardass Drew Carey continued to climb into popularity as people somehow forget he also doubled as the part of Mimi on the self-titled "The Drew Carey Show".
The incident captured on film:
[edit] See Also
Categories: Crap | People
