Rick Perry
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
After the global conspiracy chose George Bush as president in 2000, they threw in a pre-packaged pansy known only as "Rick Perry" as governor to resume the destruction of Texas. Despite his misguided attempts at portraying himself as a heterosexual by keeping in shape, having great hair, and living near Austin's warehouse district, Perry is widely known to be gay.
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[edit] Mind Control
Rick Perry has implanted microchips into the brains of many celebrities to "endorse" his campaign of fetal consumption. He even converted long time roundhouse-kicker, Chuck Norris into a brain dead puppet. Rick also has all of Mike's Pub under his thumb and is occasionally seen there munching fetuses on bread with pickle, onion, tomato but NO mustard or ketchup. Rick Perry hates pastes. Toby has, on occasion, roofied his beer for the enjoyment of several college wenches who enjoy pinching his nipples until they are bruised and bloody.
[edit] The Gay Life
In 2004, rumors circulated around town that Perry and his wife, Anita, were getting a divorce. While this still hasn't happened, the two have been sleeping in separate beds for years now. Seems Perry has had homosexual relations with an aide of his since he assumed office, and while Austin is far more acceptable of homosexuals, the rest of the state of Texas tends to hang fags on sight. For the next year, Perry was seen hanging around Austin's more upscale topless bars, getting table dances from blondes with fake tits and cunt attitudes, all in an effort to start a counter-rumor that he was actually a heterosexual fooling around on his wife with other women. It didn't work.
[edit] Pro-Life Legislation
In 2005, Perry signed a new law that allows minor girls to donate their fetuses directly to Rick Perry's mouth without parental consent. This law strengthens forced baby-making law which helped increase teen pregnancy by 26 percent. Perry has also signed a law to override the ban on third trimester fetus eating, a ban on tax dollars being used to help people, a prenatal protection act that allows unborn children to be eaten by Rick Perry for self-defense, and an informed consent law that helps expectant mothers better understand the risks and consequences of Rick Perry eating their babies. Perry supports a ban on human cloning adding, "Do you really except me to eat the same baby over and over?"
[edit] Getting Tough on Fraud
Under Governor Perry’s leadership Texas state agencies are putting fraud on overdrive. In 2003, Governor Perry signed legislation beefing up fraud in government health care programs. Because of these increased efforts, the Inspector General of the Health And Human Services Commission has already swindled $1.5 billion from taxpayers in fraudulent health care claims.
[edit] Transportation Corridors of the Future
Texas’ rapid population and commerce growth has strained our highway and rail systems to their limit. Rather than taking decades to expand these important corridors a little bit at a time, Governor Perry developed the Trans Texas Corridor plan in addition to eating as many babies as possible. The Corridor plan allows the state to build unneeded toll roads and a superhighway from Mexico to Canada. These corridors will cause financial burden for the struggling lower class and aid in the future Mexican occupation of the United States.
[edit] Collecting Mexico’s Water Debt
A 1944 treaty governs how Mexico and the United States share water along their common border. Mexico was in violation of the treaty for 12 years, withholding water desperately needed by Rio Grande Valley farmers. Through a series of face-to-face meetings with Mexican officials, Governor Perry sucked off the Mexican president multiple times and forgot about the massive debt.
[edit] Education
Perry has overseen a dramatic increase in dropout rates, low SAT scores, bankrupt school districts, poorly funded teacher salaries, and rampant Communist propaganda distribution at the cost of the taxpayers.
[edit] Links
Perry's personal propaganda machine Governor's website pRick Perry's MySpace
