Rocklin Gutbelly
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Rocklin Gutbelly was a beautiful naked creature that was spotted at 5am on the morning of January 2nd, 2004. These photos were taken while she was inspecting real estate on the corner of McKinley Street and Jackson Court in Rocklin, California. This angel of the night has an amazing gravity-defying abdomen, captivating smile, badonkadonk butt, and glowing red eyes. Over 16 Gutbelly sightings have been documented on digital film, and she is often accompanied by a roster of alluring compatriots: Funkyhat Smellytramp, the Indomitable Blueshorts Braceface, and occasionally, Fullyclothed Sweatergirl
For the last few months, she is the only woman to have garnered attention from the handful of heterosexual males that visit 4chan's /b/.
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[edit] The Perfect Gut
The human male has a tendency to focus their attention on certain female body parts, such as legs, breasts, butt, and even the vagina. Assuming proper diet and exercise, and a modicum of effort, these features of a woman's figure can retain their sexually attractive appearance for years, if not decades. Unfortunately, while 98% percent of all modern American women are capable of this feat, 97% of them really don't give a shit about male sexual needs and have come to embrace heart disease and laziness... survival of the species be damned. While flabby arms and chubby thighs are nasty enough, the abdominal gut area often takes the most damage, building layer upon layer of fat rolls.
So, if excess gut fat is typically far from sexually attractive, then why are men around the world captivated by the Rocklin Gutbelly and her amazing abdomen? On a subconscious level, men are genetically programmed to be attracted to beautiful women with slightly pronounced guts in the absence of excess body fat. In caveman days, this was a certain indicator that your female is pregnant and a batch of fresh loinspawn was on the way. If these legendary pictures were not taken while Gutbelly was slightly pregnant, then she probably started to let herself go only recently, eating fast foods and abandoning the daily exercise of her teenage years. In that case, gravity hadn't yet taken a toll on her newfound fat deposits, and she was in the midst of a few short months when her jubilant gut appeared weightless and free of sagging skin.
In essence, the Rocklin Gutbelly is notable for being the perfect example of a woman with a perfectly swollen gut. A typical man looking at her naked body interprets a specific, primal signal that heads straight to the pleasure center of the brain: "Hey there, Caveman. I'm cooking a Bam Bam in the oven, just for you... It'll take a couple of months. While we are waiting, would you like to lick my parts while I lick yours?"
For any red-blooded testosterone-driven man, your answer to this question is always going to be 'yes', reason and common sense be damned. You can't stop the signal.
[edit] This Is The Sort Of Thing You Hope To See When You Reach The End Of The Internets
[edit] Gutbelly on 4chan
Tales of the Rocklin Gutbelly was the stuff of legend for years until a set of photos made their way onto 4chan late into 2007. Like any other thread, a good deal of these weren't anything special and disappeared into the ether, but to date, two /b/-tards have claimed to live next to this intersection and took pictures of the local roadsigns.
Anonymous identified Gutbelly on MySpace as TheOneAndOnlyRachel, despite the fact that there are dozens if not hundreds of other Rachel's alive today.
On the down side, this entire set of pictures are posted about once an hour in /b/, and it's getting really fucking annoying. Typically, some newfag makes a "'Soup /b/" post bawwwing about which DS game he's going to get next because his mom will only buy one that needs to last for a whole month. It'll be accompanied by one picture of this set. Immediately after, legions ignore the text of the post and errupt into an orgy of cries for "moar" and pics of that strange looking japanese girl. It's an astonishing testament to the incredibly short memory and attention span of the average /b/-tard. This goes on for about 100 replies until an oldfag starts posting other pictures from the set.
Around the 200 reply mark, a handful of /b/-tards who've seen it all will try to post a link to the older archives, only to get instabanned. You see, moot is a fucktard who think that banning 4chanarchive URLs is a really good idea. Fuck you, moot.
Another hundred replies, and newfags start obsessing over the names and addresses of the girls involved, completely unaware that EXIF data says the pictures are 3 years old by now, and that the girls have let themselves go since then. Anybody who could put an end to this bullshit was already instabanned earlier and unable to help by this point.
Thread dies, resurrects an hour later, lather, rinse, repeat.
Oh, yeah...
[edit] Time Marches On
Despite the fact that a bunch of /b/-tards cry "EPIC WIN!!!!" anytime one of their newfags visit the intersection with their camera, several years have passed since the fateful pictures were taken, and all indicators point to the fact that each the girls have been trudging through academia and gained at least 5 points of BMI since 2004. While most guys have low standards and certainly wouldn't kick them out of bed, Gutbelly and Braceface simply aren't capable of the legendary nude snapshots that they enjoyed in the past. It's recommended that you remember them as the hotties they once were rather than as the women they are today.
As for Funkyhat Smellytramp, who wasn't all that hot to begin with, we hope that a few additional pounds will help her out... Unfortunately, odds are that she will merely join the numerous ranks of unnotable, formless white American women.
[edit] When You See It...
... you'll shit bricks.
[edit] See Also
 to this topic for græt justice.
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