Italy
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Italy is a small boot-shaped country in Europe, home of the Pope and many greasy, smelly people who lack souls called Italians. Italy is shaped like a boot because it needs to fit so much shit in it. Italians are white people that are just less pure than the master race.
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[edit] History
These mexicans, more politely known as wops, dagos, greaseballs, or Brownies, are descendants of Saharian blackies, Moors, gypsies, and the ancient Romans. However, whereas the Roman empire was both powerful and respected(even though they copied everything from the greeks), modern-day Italy is neither. Other names for Italians include I-talians, greasy mother fuckers, European Niggers, Sunny Delight (GOT TO HATE THOSE NIGGERS) and Sid the Squid. When they weren't busy in teaching the world the joys of anal and oral sex on little boys or raving about how proud they are to be Italian, they engaged in being bitches to Germany. Wops are very greasy, smelly, and like to wear beaters with brown sweat stains around the arm pit areas.
Famous slave trader and thief Christopher Columbus discovered America thinking it was India. The Italians remembered Columbus by carving out a fucking great chunk of the beach in Genoa and sticking an airport in the gap, and then naming it after Columbus. Nothing can land at Columbus airport as it's both on a beach and at the foot of a mountain range and therefore only the suicidal would consider trying to land there.
Unlike other countries, Italy has a long and proud history. Without the Romans, countries like the UK would still be full of motherfucking primitive men called barbarians. The Romans brought culture, VD, Chlamydia, AIDS, the Ebola virus, and niggers.
Meanwhile, artists arose aplenty and filled Italy with masterpieces, subsequently dying through the atrocious writhing of black plague, syphilis and assorted other STDs (commonly called the french plague), simple flu, starvation, diarrhea, and other funny diseases. Numerous Popes and nobles died from poisoning (as Italians cannot be trusted with culinary hygiene).
Italy managed all this while praying constantly to Jesus Christ. Also, Italy started exporting fashion to other countries and soon women everywhere had moustaches just like their Italian counterparts.
After gaining independence (later than any other country in civilized Europe), Italians moved from agriculture in their own country to slowly invade and spread across Northern and South America and Australia, impregnating American fat whores and granting in short time their control over all the illegal activities of those countries, second only to Mexicans.
When threats of war were made and Italy officially sided with Hitler, the Pope was reported as saying "tl;dr; sage this shit, I'm out".
Well, we all know how WWII ended: Mussolini was properly pwned when his own people hung him from a lamp post and Italy was left devastated and has yet to recover.
Now a "democratic country," it pledged allegiance to The Man, which donated much cash to the happiness of the Mafia guys and speculators. Furthermore, installing a relationship between the two countries that can be synthesized as a "continuous string of rimjobs to the American friend." This added to the patient and scientific work of organized crime in keeping peace and prosperity, ensuring Italy the chance to proliferate and become one of the most industrialized places in the world. Even to have an autonomous government based on corruption, devotion to the Catholic church and personal interest; like any democratic country in the world, except China and Congo and other 90 or more States, as we speak. After the 90's, once again, an invasion - this time of "pacific" immigrants, especially arabs, gooks, AZNs, Slavic, Albanese guys ready to fill the microcriminality - puts the country in threat. Will Italy resist to the invasors? God knows.
[edit] Italians in World War II
Historically, Wops are cowards; the great Roman Empire fell to a handfull of Germanic Tribes. However, in World War II, the greasy Wops showed how truly cowardly they were. There were easily swept by the Allied Forces. In fact the only victories they had were over niggers in Africa. It was very easy to defeat niggers with spears when the Allies had guns. When they fought the Allies, they surrendered in masses, even worse than the French. Today, Wops act like World War II never happened in order to save their greasy faces.
[edit] Italian War Score, European Premier League, First Leg
- Italian War of 1494–98: Lost 0-1
- War of the League of Cambrai (1508–16): Lost 0-1
- Italian War of 1521–26: Lost 0-1 to France
- Italian War of 1551–59: Lost 0-1 to France
- Franco-Prussian War 1870 Lost 0-1 in overtime
- World War 1 - didn't partake, someone had stolen the rifle.
- Albanian War of 1932 - got the rifle back, but war only lasted 5 days, not enough fuel for the Tank and Aeroplane. Result inconclusive.
- Ethiopian War of 1937 - Won 1-0; managed to beat up a bunch of spear wielding niggas
- World War 2 - managed to back the wrong side yet again and got pwnd. Acted like cowards so the Allies made them their bitches, even to this day.
[edit] Demographics
Italy's population comprises mostly wops. This population is roughly divided into males and females, with a strong recurrence of the names Mario, Luigi, Antonio, Marco, Francesco, Danilo, Giovanni, Alessio, Michele, Roberto, Carlo, Franco and Andrea. It was is also characterized by the absence proliferation of fags and dykes, and an unrestricted emo scene, as the myspace area clearly shows a great density of scene kids, straight edge kids and punks. It falls short of LiveJournal accounts, Therefore, there are a few other ways to troll Italians:
- Remind them they are most probably niggers if they're from the south
- Bring up statistics of how all the men live with their mothers (hint: many will comfort themselves by saying its 'normal')
- Send them links of tubgirl, goatse, etc and say they are pictures of your tits (if you are hot and female) as they are all new to the internet
- Troll randomly among the Three Power Topics Of Italy: religion, food & soccer. On the last topic, if you find soccer supporters of italian soccer teams, tell them how lame of them it was to steal the World Cup from France. And that soccer is a sport for dickless faggots in shorts. Faggotry can also be a fine argument too.
- Remind them that Ferrari sucks ass, since it's made by FIAT, and Lamborghini sold out to the krauts.
[edit] Language
The Italian language is Neolatin, so it is known to be antiquated and retarded. The English language is much more efficient. As consequence of much conditioning with a florid language, Italian-speakers are generally less intelligent than English-speakers. This is evidenced by the fact that the Italian government can never come to consensus with their highly factionalized excuse for a parliament, not to mention the fact they let a TV guy to control them. Something that should be pointed out among Italians OL is that they can be split in two categories: the Internet tough guys and the ones that don't know the internets have existed before they signed in to some retarded forum, and this becomes full of lulz when the average fucktard justifies his total idiocy OL with having a life (lol) and experience IRL despite not knowing that nobody gives a shit. Nevertheless, all those folks are easy and fun to troll. Srsly.
Fun fact: Italians constantly rave about their Italian pride, often exposing flags over the series of tubes. I-talians also like to talk very loudly in restaurants; as a result pissing off everyone around them.
[edit] Culture
Notable cultural insights are:
- Tower of Pisa: a leaning tower that somehow has managed to not fall for centuries, despite being planned in half-assed way. Someone argued that Towercat may be transported in Italy to ensure stability.
- Pizza, something that the American has perverted in ways that never were thought possible before.
- Mandolin: an instrument similar to banjo, that has the shape of your mom's ass cheek.
- Gondola: Venice's typical boat, kept only to make white trash and the japanese spend entire cheques just to ride on it for twenty minutes.
- Mafia: look behind you. No, srsly.
- The sentence "Pardon my French"
- Decent food that has been exported worldwide, prominently as the Olive Garden chain of restaurants.
- Rocco Siffredi
- I-Talians like to eat cheese with maggots in them.
The Pope resides in a little state inside the city of Rome, Italy's capital, and avoids paying taxes. When questioned about that, he unleashes the brutal force of his Swiss Guard and elder Italian women to silence the petitioner. Despite being dead and buried in a cathedral, he still drives the Popemobile through the simple power of faith and thought, and is currently recovering from being dead. His apprentice Darth Benedict is standing in for him until he can get himself resurrected.
Fun fact: many say that Cthulhu was offended by not appearing in the original drawing of Cappella Sistina, and complained; but was told that a pic of him would have meant graphic depiction of tentacle rape and "would have been ground for bannable offense".
[edit] Facts
- All Italians are mobsters
- All Italians have greasy hair
- All Italians are at least distantly related to someone who is in the Mafia.
[edit] Environment
 Streets of Typical Wop City(Napoli) |
 Wop city |
 Wop city |
 (Ir)responsible Wop family in the streets of Napoli |
[edit] Economy
Italy's GDP is made up almost entirely of Pope souvenirs and hardcore pornography; Aria Giovanni alone accounts for at least 50% of Italy's GDP, while another consistent 49% is generated by Rocco Siffredi. Other notable incomes derive from extortion, racketeering and money laundering, something the Swiss aren't too happy about, since they thought they had the exclusive rights for these activities.
[edit] What's the difference between a Mexican and an Italian?
Many innocent kids in America are molested by these two diseases.
To differentiate a Borderjumper from an European Nigger is a difficult task to do. Modern technology hasn't come with a solution yet, but scientist are getting there. Many missionary schools are teaching kids how to pray for safety when something brown ( could be a beaner or a wop) comes to their way. Meeting a brownie can be a traumatizing event, therefore, many pschology schools teach students how to cope with certain events and fears.
[edit] Italian Americans
Guidos, despite not being Italian or even human, mistakenly believe themselves to be descendents of the first Italian heroic model, Aeneas. Despite speaking no Italian whatsoever (apart from 'Oogatz' which isn't even a word anyway but a derivation from 'Il Cazzo' traslated as 'The Dick', accostumed to the sexual and gastronomic desires of italians), and believing the pinnacle of Italian cuisine to be a meatball sandwich, they still cling to this pseudohistory. They enjoy swearing, haircuts, and huffing Axe body spray.
Many families left Italy in the 1940s on boats or megazords in hopes of opening pizzerias in the United States. Instead they raised a generation of tanned olive oil guzzling assholes who to this day populate America's club scene. It should be noted that today in New York City, home of the first Italian-American family, all the pizzerias are now owned by Mexicans or Mr. Jeff Goldblum. Some come to America just to play guitar, take for example 2 casual guitar players: Satriani and Petrucci.
[edit] The Italian Chan
Diochan, aka Pastachan, is the only existing chan in italian. And it sucks.
