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Rozen Maiden

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This page contains spoilers — Important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT BARASUISHOU KILLS SHINKU, BUT SHE GETS BETTER!!!1
DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX
DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX DOLLSEX

Rozen Maiden is one of the more up-and-coming anime series out there, meaning that it features lolicon, incest, and robots. For extra lulz, they decided to combine the pedophilia and robots by having the main human character, Jun, in love or something with his walking, talking, hateful dyke of a doll named Shinku. The real reason for its popularity, though, is that the main character is a shut-in social reject, much like all anime fans, and thus serves as a convenient method of living vicariously through someone who isn't real. Naturally, there's a real girl with a crush on him, Cameltomoe, or Clitorsu or some shit, but Jun prefers his little pedo-doll, who regularly beats him, srsly. Throw in a sister, who it reveals in one episode has a thing for him, and this series more than meets your daily requirement of sick fuckery! ~desudesudesu~

Contents

[edit] Rating

OMG, Doll Porn.
OMG, Doll Porn.
Suiseiseki is full of Unwarranted self-importance
Suiseiseki is full of Unwarranted self-importance
  • Action: 7. This show is about dolls beating the shit out of each other so there are actually some cool fight scenes on occasion, but lots of shitty, gay "funnay" episodes, too. For the fight scenes, try to imagine Barbies hitting each other with flak cannons while crying about their creator.
  • Lulz: 4. Tries to be funny, fails frequently. The character Kanaria is one of the most painful things to watch ever.
  • Paedophilia: 9. Doesn't have sex, but it does have the dolls strip on occasion and there's no doubt Jun and Shinku have some creepy pseudo-romance going on. Also, Jun's sister totally wants to bend him over his sewing table and J-J-J-JAM IT IN.
  • Muzak: 4. The soundtrack gets repetitive about four minutes into the first episode. Guess the douchebags who created this show couldn’t afford more than three songs. There’s the generic UBER ROCK song, the UBER BASS RIFF drum song, and the OMG SOO KAWAII cutesy song, all of which will melt the average b/tard's brainmeats with their sheer awfulness. (This may be a blessing in disguise, as long as you aren't watching it also)

[edit] Characters

Little information can be given about the characters at this time due to the loose character development. However, we do know they are all extremely creepy and most of them are probably gay.

[edit] Dolls

Desu!
Desu!
A typical combo on /b/
A typical combo on /b/

[edit] Humans

  • JUM - Started all this shit by finding Shinku and trying to buttsex her. Became an emo bitch after getting made fun of at school for being a lolicon. Gets kicked in the shins a lot.
  • Nori - Jum's sister. Dreams of WINcest with her little brother, among other people and objects. She plays lacrosse, a game intended to turn women into lesbians. It's quite successful.
  • Tomatoe - Jum's creepy jailbait stalker, whom he constantly rejects due to not having any dolljoints. Was abducted by Hinaichigo as a young girl and forced to endure days of torture in one of those Japanese Hello Kitty BDSM rooms.
  • Otousama - This is the story, of a man named Rozen, who created seven psycho little dolls. Even when apart from him, the dolls still scream his name every night.
  • Enju - Remedial student in Rozen's Dollsexing 101 for Dummies. Turns out to be homocidally jealous of Rozen for making nicer doll clothes than him. Created Pedobear.
  • Laplace - Enju's gay furfag lover, turns into a giant rabbit when he clicks his heels three times. Oh and he's immortal and omniscient or some shit.

[edit] Story

DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU

[edit] Typical scenes from Rozen Maiden

A typical episode of Rozen Maiden

The only reason why people watch the show

Rozen Maiden: Jun's highschool years

The Rozen Maidens share an intimate moment.

Shinku lieks Kun-Kun. A lot...

...but Kun-Kun only has eyes for Hina

[edit] IRL History

Rozen Maiden came out as a manga in September 2002, first appearing in a non-notable magazine on the Moon called Comic Birz, which was staffed with retards and fuckups. After many years of doodling lolis with dolljoints, the authors decided that the time was right to make a cartoon out of this shit, and so work began on what was to become the most loved /b/ meme of all time. In due time, the animu was released, and elevens everywhere (including some high-profile government officials) fapped their hearts out with joy. Somewhere in the real world, someone noticed what was going on and realized that the internets needed to know about this wonderful development, and thus, through the magic of MS Paint, DESU was born.

Then suddenly, late one evening in early 2007, disaster struck when the editorial department of Birds Comics got absolutely shitfaced drunk and pissed all over the latest Rozen Maiden chapter they were supposed to run in their next issue. To try to cover up their epic failure, they ran an old copy of Naruto instead. Remarkably, nobody seemed to notice until someone pointed out that Sasukeseki wasn't saying DESU as much as he usually did. Shit hit the fan, lawsuits were filed, and the crowd of pedos on Desuchan wailed at the prospect of losing their main source of dollicon. The fail became even more epic when the authors of Rozen Maiden announced they would be severing their contract with Burger Comics, thus throwing the fate of the series in doubt and unleashing wave after wave of bawwwww from despondent weeaboos. To make things worse, the Elevens cancelled North American sales of the Animu DVDs, shattering dreams of the coveted Season Three everywhere.

As of July 2nd, 2008, the cunts responsible for putting the OVER 9000 line in the Dragon Ball Z series have announced that they rescued the Rozen Maiden series, in addition to the countless lolicon titles that had been lost due to the aformentioned epic fail of 2007. Throughout the 4th of July holiday weekend, the joyous cheers of weeaboos, /b/tards, dollicons, lolicons and pedophiles can be heard all over the world.

[edit] See Also

[edit] External links


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Image:pikajewsprite.gif Rozen Maiden is part of a series on Anime.

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