RuneScape
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| This article needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it. |
RuneScape is an MMORPG made by Jagex that is hands-down one of THE BEST SHITEST Macromedia Flash games to exist online. Not only does it boast Nintendo quality visuals and an amazing musical score that would make Beethoven himself cry, but you have to spend $6 dollars USD a month to use the extra features such as catching faeries with a net and versing gnomes in soccer!
The game used to be the largest breeding ground of scammers, hackers, Macroers, aspie-addled 13 year old boys and basement dwelling fatties, until Jagex practically destroyed their own game towards the end of 2007. Now it is just filled with newfags and a bunch of cocksuckers who support Jagex in their attempt to rid their game of cheaters. Jagex blamed this on Azns, sweatshops and Americans who were supporting said Azns and sweatshops by buying their shit.
Jagex are also the masters of marketing, as RuneScape has also proven to be addictive. Most players who quit claim they never had fun but were actually just addicted to the crack that is RuneScape, creating unhealthy lifestyles. If you actually played RuneScape, you'd realize how inexplicably evil it is. Personally, Encyclopedia Dramatica is a much more riveting, pleasurable and satisfying experience than RuneScape will ever be, and is more of an 'MMORPG' than RuneScape could ever hope to come near to achieving. Also, RuneScape is one of the few sites that /b/ or Ebaumsworld has yet to raid. Let us pray that one day this will happen.
Features
- Spending countless hours a day leveling up a particular skill just so you can get a '99 skill cape' and showing everyone online that you did.
- Epic and adrenaline-rushing gameplay, ie. "You attempt to climb down the stairs."
- All caps is disallowed, however capitalising the first letter of each word is. Good luck, have fun.
- Ability to hack naive children's accounts and selling them on Ebay.
- Top quality graphics that are unrivalled by other games such as Guild Wars.
Zezimanot anymore. He doesn't even appear on the front page anymore, the new 'king nerd' is Gerjaars (article to follow)- A chat filter that will censor almost everything you say (go ahead and try it, type a sentence and see how many of these stars *** come up).
- With alchemy, you can no longer make any money as the Grand exchange price is now universally above the high alchemy price
- Plenty of elitist guilds that that high levels build pyramid schemes and circle jerk each other whilst scamming the noobs who have not yet realised that you are not the one that will "make millions daily" when joining a merchant clan.
- A nice, friendly online community of 13 year old boyss, who often dress up as 16-year-old girls to attract small children into their private clan chats.
- Exciting and stimulating skills such as farming and woodcutting! You won't want to leave your computer after you start levelling up these motherfuckers!
- Fletching, need we say more?
- The ability to build and own a virtual house where you can throw mad 'house parties'. Invite all your e-friends, and pretend you are actually that cool IRL to host a party.
- Laugh at free players without members accounts, because they don't have the ability to catch faeries with a net.
- Laugh at members who pay for their accounts, because they're wasting 6 bucks just so they can catch faeries with a net.
- [When you max out a skill, you can begin maxing out another skill,you can complete 23 times more].
- Report anyone for everything to become a player moderator!
- If someone has a lower level then you they're a noob. If someone has a higher level then you they have no life.
Types of RuneScape Players
Similar to real life, and every other MMO, RuneScape has divided into a group of cliques where players of similar disability and lack of skill hang out and pretend they have friends. Here is a breakdown of these cliques.
Noobs/Newfags - Every MMO has noobs and RuneScape is no exception. Noobs are incredibly gullible and naive and will obey any orders you give them about 95% of the time. They are incredibly easy to manipulate, and thus, they are the biggest lol-cows in the game. You can trick them into giving you their password, lure them into a dangerous area filled with dragons, or exploit their retardedness and get them to fetch you items/run errands for you. When they're not busy sucking your cock, they will be begging for RuneScape gold because they are too stupid or lazy to make their own. To combat this, Jagex have implemented many updates to make it easier for newfags to make pixel gold.
Average Players/Moderatefags - The next stage after newfaggery. The 'moderatefags' of RuneScape tend to be a considerable deal smarter than newfags and have learned a few of the ropes. However, they are still dumb as fuck. Moderatefags populate most of RuneScape, and are always frantically trying to raise their skills so they can achieve pro status.
Pros/Agedfags - The true no-lifers of the game, pros are always level 100 or above and are the equivalent jocks in RuneScape. You don't wanna fuck with these BAMFs. They have fuckloads of RuneScape gold and have extremely high skillz. Whilst all the noobs and moderatefags look up to these jocks, the rest of the internet looks at them with utter disdain. Pros never talk in-game and offer no input to intelligent discussions that take place in the RuneScape world. Occasionally, they will utter a sentence so as to prevent noobs and average players from reporting them to Jagex for macroing. A train of noobs will always be following a pro as he shows off his endgame shit. Amongst the most notable pros are Zezima, Lucipher6, Gertjaars and Aasiwat. Add them as a friend in-game and troll the fuck out of them for lulz.
Cooldudes/Oldfags - Also known as Cooldudes, the oldfags of RuneScape are not necessarily pros. Some could actually have a life (habeeb it). To classify as an oldfag or 'cooldude', you must have been playing the game since 2001-2003, back when RuneScape was in its Web 0.25 stages and known as 'RuneScape Classic'. Oldfags have been around to see every drama-generating event that has ever occurred on RuneScape. Most oldfags have quit the game, and those that still play are mostly pros; some, however, are still moderatefags. RuneScape oldfags, like most oldfags tend to complain about how RuneScape has changed and that back in the day there were considerably less 13 year old boys.
Typical RuneScape Scams
Once upon a time, RuneScape was one of the easiest games to scam gullible simpletons for all their pixelated worth. But then, beginning sometime in 2007, Jagex went on a berserk rampage and practically eliminated scamming from the game with a series of updates and changes that were supposed to 'save' it. Most of these don't work now, but as you can imagine when they did, many lulz were generated.
Jagex blocks your pass - An old classic. Player A would scream out "HOLY SHIT!! JAGEX BLOCKS YOUR PASSWORD LOOK!!!! ***********." Dumb fucks would generally fall for this and proceed to type their password in the chat log for everyone to see, and would later be hacked after they logged off. Ironically,Fagex eventually DID make it so that your password would be blocked. As of April 24 2007, this delicious scam no longer works.
Jagex Impersonator - One of the few scams that still holds up today, but only works on newfags. Player A pretends to be a member of Jagex and goes around the game looking for suckers. Once a sucker is found, player A messages them saying "Oh hi. I'm a Jagex Mod. Tell me your password and I can give you free stoof. Also show me your nudez." Only noobs fall for this, as most people know Jagex mods have gold crowns next to their names, to show they're better then you.
Alt F4 and Ctrl W - One of the oldest scams in the game. Player A finds a fucktard who is desperate to make more money in the game. Player A tells Player B to drop all his items and press Alt F4 or Ctrl W. This would cause Player B's browser to close and Player A can then loot his shit. Usually Player A would then log off and switch servers. Unfortunately this scam no longer works as of 10th December 2007 thanks to Jagex's immense homosexuality.
Teleporting Scam - Another scam ruined on 10th December 2007. It went down like this. Player A would offer to teleport a noob to a location of interest (eg. Falador, Varrock etc) but instead would teleport the noob to a PvP zone known as the Wilderness, where a group of Player A's 'friends' were waiting to fuck him up. This was a classic that gained much notoriety throughout the ages. Since it no longer works, the scam is moot.
Item Swapping - Only the most fucktarded of fucktards fall for this (although it hasn't worked since January 2nd 2008). Basically, Player A would trade with Player B and offer some valuable pixel shit. Player B would then offer an insane amount of money. Player A would then decline the trade and say 'Oh shit sorry I accidentally misclicked' and the trade again. This time he would offer something much less valuable that looks similar to the original item. Player B accepts, Player A logs off and then 5 minutes later Player B realizes what a fucking tard-munch he is and hopefully kills himself.
Luring - Luring was the most common and abused methods of owning noobs, although not technically a scam. It too met its end on December 10th. There were many ways you could lure people, but here is the most common method. Basically it was a group sting operation that consisted of 3-5 players. Player A would camp out in the deep Wilderness and wait for n00bs to attack him. Once the bait was set, he would then be rushed by a couple of n00bs. Player A would then pussy out and run deeper into the Wilderness to where the rest of his gang were. The gang would then group fuck the unsuspecting prey.
Customer Support
Of all the things that make RuneScape fail, their Customer Support team has to be number one. Jagex have a special system for banning whereby they wipe shit all over your account (also known as 'black marks'). These black marks build up as you break rules (it is inevitable, there is no such thing as the perfect RuneScape player). Because of this absolute failure of a customer support team, getting 10 out of 10 black marks almost certainly never means your account will be slapped with the permanent banhammer. Once you reach 60 out of 10 black marks, that's when you get perma-banned.
Assuming you get b&, you can appeal your case. Don't bother trying to write a sincere and apolagetic appeal though, as your shit will get handled by an automated Mysterybot-esque machine that is worse then You. You will most definitely receive an automated reply within a minute of submitting your appeal, that 99.9% of the time rejects your appeal.
Instead, troll the fuck out of them. Fit in as many swear words as possible and tell them you fucked their respective mothers. Pretend to have bad english and say you're dying of cancer, and threaten to sue them if they deny your appeal. There have been several cases where this has actually worked and the fail that is their automated bot ACCEPTS the appeal.
Alternatively, you can create as many accounts as possible and get them all banned, then exploit the machine and hopefully it will overload with brain semen.
Skillz
Like all MMO's, RuneScape features a large variety of exciting and innovative skillsets, such as, lighting a fucking log on fire! Repeat this 325,000 times as you race to level 99! Point and click on your tinderbox and use it on the logs as you get caught up in all the adrenaline and excitement as you watch your logs burn out. Not your cup of tea? Well never fear! If you dislike firemaking, then Farming is the skill for you! Plants seeds at various locations and wait 20 fucking hours for them to grow!!
- During July 2005 Jagex released an update for the awesomeness that is the Farming skill. They also announced that for a limited time only all the blacks in Runescape could take part in a new mini-game. Users who investigated where given the user title of 'Cotton Picker' and packed up in crates, being shipped to Karajama.
- This is part of the reason why there are few black characters in-game, however 80% of this is due to them not having evolved fingers.
Still not convinced? Why not try fletching? This exciting skill allows you to stand in the same spot for fucking hours on end clicking on a knife as you make thousands upon thousands of bows. And if that wasn't enough for you, you have to pay to use this skill! Why not give it a try? What the fuck do you have to lose?
Shit, it doesn't stop there! Unlike every other skill where once you click the game's automated programming does all the work for you, this next skill requires you to constantly be clicking for hours on end, with no rest! Introducing... AGILITY!! Not once will you ever get to rest in this skill! You'll constantly be pumping your legs as your fat fucking pixelated character tries to drag his legs across an obstacle course (the irony is that whilst your character is getting fit, you get fatter, more acne and less fit as you sit at your computer all day). The most exercise you'll get is the arduous, backbreaking, demanding repetition of clicking your finger. Feel the fucking burn as you get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome! Holy shit! How's that for a reward for wasting $6 dollars a month on this extra content that you could've just done IRL and possibly improved your pathetic life?
The rest of the supposed 'skills' are all the same. As mentioned before, all you have to do is click on something and then your character will automatically do everything for you. This is truly the lazy man's game. Other skills include Woodcutting, Fishing, Mining, Smithing, Magic and at least 100 others that are horribly repetitive, 9 of which you have to pay for.
For information on more skills, see the Summoning section of this article.
Melee Combat - Yay! Max out 3 skills by just doing 9,75 FUCKING MILLION damage!
Why you shouldn't play RuneScape
- Fail.
- Retarded little pre-pubescent boys pretending to be hot teenage girls in order to get free money.
- Wii-quality graphics.
- Has caused people to commit suicide in the past.
- With the removal of scamming, it is almost impossible to attain any lulz from other players.
- Try some crack instead.
- Broken chat filter that blanks out words that happen to be the name of certain items in the game (ie. 'sextant').
- Your account will most likely be hacked at least 5 days after creation.
- At least once a year a riot will break out in Falador square when Jagex implements a new 'revolutionary' update to the game.
- Majority of players are seriously 13 year old boys (for real).
- If you play RS, everyone at your school/workplace will think (correctly) that you are a faggot.
- Easily agitated faggots who will report you if you don't give them free stuff.
- Music that is so mind numbing that scientists are looking into it as an alternative to the death penalty.
- Once you get past level 50, I ask that you leave the internets and take your fail with you.
Party Hats and other rare items
Similar to the 'epic' armour available in WoW, RuneScape has its fair share of worthless pixelated hogwash that noobs wish they could have, such as... A PAPER HAT!! Show off to all your friends how fucking cool you are by wearing a pixelated paper hat that came out of a christmas cracker! In real life, this would cost somewhere between 5-10 cents, but no, in RuneScape it costs upwards of $300,000,000 million!! FUCK ME. Can't afford a party hat? Never fear, you can always buy a Santa Hat, Jagex's answer to the impoverished players of RuneScape. Don't believe in Santa? Why not try an easter egg, or a fucking Halloween mask instead? Still not convinced? We'll throw in a fucking pumpkin! Still not satisfied? Fuck you, you ungrateful whore.
Needless to say, thousands (if not millions) of players jizz in their pants whenever they see a cooldude walking down the road with his Party hats and other rare and valuable items. Immediately players will zerg rush said cooldude and beg money off of him. Other rare items include Dragon armour, Barrows armour and Godswords (that's right, you actually get to use the sword of GOD). Cooldudes are often wearing these.
In another attempt to appease their players, Jagex in October 2006 released special capes. Capes of Accomplishment (also known as Skill capes, 99 capes, Achievement capes, and 'Oh wow, I just wasted 6 months of my life grinding up a skill so I can show off my pixelated cape to my friends so that we can all circlejerk each other') are to signify that a particular player has absolutely no fucking life, no girlfriend, no friends and no dick. Players who spend their days tirelessly trying to get a skill cape eventually realize how much they wasted their life. To get these capes you have to max out a skill. If wasting your life getting a skill cape isn't torture enough, players have to then spend a hundred thousand RuneScape monies to buy it. When a player wears a skill cape, he will immediately be attacked by a pack of rabbid noobs screaming 'EMOTE PLOX!!!!' (each cape comes with a retarded emoticon). Skill capes also cause players to suffer from high levels of USI.
Party Hat Glitch
Sometime in November 2003, a hax0r by the name of Sixfeetunder used a program to successfully duplicate party hats. This sent the game's economy into its own Great Depression, as he began lending party hats to people that could not repay him back. A similar thing happened IRL 7 years later when some nigger accidentally the economy with his presidency failure.
Incidentally, other faggots caught on and Sixfeetunder began sending copies of the program to other hackers and completely fucked the game up, manifesting party hats tenfold. Soon even your average noob had a party hat. Realizing the program was a success, people began using it for other shit (like duplicating materials such as ores and dildos to stimulate themselves). This caused the economy to fuck up even more, as prices for every imaginary pixelated item began fluctuating wildly. Jagex, because they are the worst gaming devlopers ever, did not know how this 'glitch' worked or how to fix it, and it went on for several days as the game spiralled into chaos.
However, they are most certainly the cleverest trolls and liars in the history of the internet. Jagex responded to the 'glitch' by offering free 'lifetime membership' for anyone who could explain to them how the program and glitch worked. One of the people using the program, Dylock, thought he could get away with it and get free lifetime membership, and messaged Jagex telling them about the program, how it worked, and a list of players who were using it (not including himself). Jagex then permanently banned his account and all others involved and fixed the glitch over the proceeding days, and of course, the free lifetime membership was denied. I'm afraid I must give credit where credit is due, and I must say Jagex fucking pwnt him big time.
Falador Massacre
An event that players refer to as the ' Falador Massacre ' occurred many years ago, on June 6th, 2006 (6/6/06, coincidence? I think not!). Following the release of Player-Owned-Houses, the typical RuneScape nerds raced to see who would get 99 construction first (a skill in RS). The first person to do this was ' Cursed You ', who would later be b& for selling runescape items and gold for real cash. He held a party in his house to celebrate, where a fuckload of people turned up. Knowing there were too many, he kicked everyone out of the house.
But then a glitch occurred whereby some lucky faggot had the ability to kill players outside of PvP zones. This lol-troll (whose name was Durial321) proceeded to a crowded server (world 111) and approached the wonderful city of Falador. He then began to fuck bitches up, and in doing so attained God status amongst players. He began chasing noobs around with his whip.
Many people took notice of this and started following him around saying things like "Kill me Durial!" until he had a huge crowd following him on his epic pwnage quest. Several mods caught onto this, but for some reason instead of banning him, they yelled at everybody to get away from him. Seriously, Jagex must give their mods some rather pathetic abilities. There is only one known video of this instance, but unfortunately the faggot who recorded it put some shitty Nightwish music in the video before he uploaded it.
He was able to pwn a good 20 players and it continued for over an hour, looting such valuable shit as a Green party hat which is only expensive because dumb niggers who play this game can't afford green dye and paper. Finally, after a good deal of trolling, Jagex got their heads out of their asses and banned him. Epic lulz were had, especially considering it was on the luckiest day of the year. And thus ended the legacy of Durial321. From thenceforth, many retards have attempted to immitate durials pwnage, but none have succeeded very well, especially the one who killed people with a RUBBER CHICKEN. Seriously.
Judgment Day
On the 10th of December 2007, all hell broke loose. Every time Jagex updates the game, a little message in the corner appears saying an update will happen in 3 minutes, with a timer counting down. On this particular night, every player was excited in anticipation of the annual Christmas event. When they were logged off and read the front page, they realized it was something much more sinister. Jagex had removed trading, Player killing and decided to give free players more bank space. Yay!
Following this, the RS forums were flooded with the fist of fury as the players of RS went fucking crazy. The forums 404'd because there was just too many people fucking posting. A lot of players rage quit the game that day. There were even a few threatening to commit suicide on the forums (for real). Riots erupted in-game. Massive protests were being held in the major cities of RuneScape. Chaos ensued as the pixelated Falador guards tried to maintain order and hold back the rabbid foaming-at-the-mouth players. A few of the servers even crashed. Oh how epic that day was. You should've been there. Much lulz were had.
Jagex claimed this was all to stop macroers and scammers, but in reality, Andrew Gower is Trolldin and was just doing it for the lulz. Later on Jagex felt troll's remorse and decided to make some slight changes to these updates, whilst still getting rid of trading and player killing. Soon half of the player base had quit RS, and presumably half of those committed suicide (victory for society!) RuneScape hasn't been the same ever since.
Clever and witty players began calling the game 'RuinedScape' .
Summoning
Sometime in mid-late 2007, Jagex leaked an image (see the one on the right) which immediately caused the systems to crash, as the forums were filled with crystal balls and wild predictions of what it would lead to. Later on that year, Jagex teased a major update slated for release at the end of 2007 or start of 2008. Many wondered what it would be. Introduction of day and night? Introduction of weather? An exciting new area? A new monster? Nope. It turned out to be an incredibly gay skill known as Summoning.
Those who had quit after Judgment Day soon wished they hadn't because this epically cool update meant you could own a pet dog! Yes, that's right motherfuckers, you can now own a pet dog in RuneScape! Not only that, but you can also summon a turnip, pile of shit, the devil, a Wartortle, and the fabled Bunyip. Pretty cool huh?
Summoning was timed to be released several weeks after Judgment Day in order to appease the once flourishing fanbase of RuneScape. This, however could not bring back those who had quit, because despite all the things you could summon there was a severe lack of Mudkips. The closest semblance of a Battletoad was a Barker Toad. FAIL.
Forums
Are you sick and tired of rampant inflation, pointless random events, broken animations, infrequent updates and other players not playing mini-games correctly? (WELL FUCKING QUIT THEN.)
Then the official run-escape forums (RSOF) are the place for you! instead you can complain to the wider player community and the p-mods / J-mods, to your heart's content as long as you are either a paying member or have over 12.5 million xp in the free to play section.
There are many trollable third-party forums; many on the variation of 'Rune-X' (with the exception of tip.it as they used to share their website with a dark ages of camelot and EQ fansite. Until they realized nobody cares.)
RuneScape is populated mostly by 13 year old boys who are still innocently unaware of the more shocking elements of the internets. Some have sighted christfags, bisexuals and faggots who think they're awesome. However, the majority ARE 13 year old boys, thanks to this, there are many lulz to be had from the fan base,.
Easier topics to start a flame war with;
- Claiming one God is better than another
- Claiming PvP is now fixed and can in no way be improved,
- Claiming to have significantly moar money than you
- That a skill is now obsolete or pointless
- That f2p needs/deserves new items/spells/weapons.
- That p2p already has all these things and for £3.50 a month, so can you.
When traveling across the vast emptiness of RuneScape please be aware the number of educated and articulate players with their moronic ramblings that you are bound to experience as demonstrated by these quotes:
| —daniels911 in Rants |
| —Ski11 0wn4g3 in Rants |
| , penrino (tip.it forums) |
WARNING: TL;DR BELOW:
| —Killingfree, 4 posts!! what a nerd |
High Resolution Graphics
In July 2008, Jagex released RuneScape in 'HD'. Now instead of viewing RS in SNES quality graphics you can now view them in N64 quality graphics!, a major development in the graphical department of video games. Not only that, but they made it into full-screen as well, so now your entire computer screen can be filled with fail. But it doesn't stop there! Along with HD came exciting new character models, featuring humungous heads! Now everyone's character looks like Invader Zim (when viewed in HD).
Like fucking seriously, these graphics are fucking awesome. They shit all over Crysis, Killzone 2, Assassin's Creed, Guild Wars, Metal Gear Solid 4, Soul Calibur 4, Mass Effect, Gears of War, GTA 4, Wikipedia and any other game you could possibly fucking think of! Don't agree? FUCK YOU, that's what I think of you and your fat fucking girlfriend.
All sarcasm aside, there were actually players who were too poor to afford a computer decent enough to run this 'HD', and they immediately began unleashing their fury on the RuneScape forums (as players usually do). Jagex, as well as all the normal players who could afford a PC that was made after 1998 proceeded to ignore these faggots, and presumably they all left the game.
Ways to Player-Kill IRL
Maarten aka maarten16020, was an emo fourteen year old boy who decided to become An Hero after his RuneScape account was hacked by one of his IRL friends. Maarten's friend reportedly hacked into his RuneScape account and stole 11 million RuneScape gold from him causing Maarten to fall into a spiraling depression. He posted a poorly written suicide note on his clan's thread to tell them that he was sick of life and say goodbye to all his e-pals before hanging himself. He was a member of some noobclan, ironicallly called HoF-Heroes of the future. Since he became an hero just about every runefag on the planet visits his youtube channel daily to masturbate over him.
Also, yes, it's true. Just playing this game makes you want to KILL yourself. So did the RuneScape player, "FatWrecked".
| —Tony (Ashley's dad), FatWrecked YouTube channel. |
LIES! HE SUICIDED! Yes, "he."
JewTube Videos
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Previous Video | Next Video |
Gallery
| Gallery of RuneScape | |||||||||||||
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Official Book Release
Last Thursday the Jews at Fagex decided to reap even more cash out of the 13 year old boys who plague its game by writing a book for them to wank over. "Betrayal at Falador" is available from all good bookshops and must be a good read as one of the guys who owns Jagex and Zezima both said so.
Shame on you, Jagex. Don't you know how much money these kids already spent on your game?
See Also
External Links
- An article about Zezima.
- A place were total no-lives hang around to create "friends" since they can't get friends IRL.
- Don't want to grind for days? simply buy the levels!
- or from here
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