Rush Limbaugh
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Rush Limbaugh is famous for translating Mein Kampf into English, titling the book as "The Way Things Ought to Be".
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[edit] History
Limbaugh went to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting, which is where all radio hacks go to school when they're not good enough to go to a place like Cambridge. There, he joined the Republican Party and gave head to Ronald Reagan on a semi-regular basis.
At the end of the 1980s, he combed his Flock of Seagulls haircut and got a midday radio show. It became a rousing success, adored by Republicans and loathed by Democrats.
[edit] Drama
At any one time, Rush Limbaugh is carrying more illegal pills than a Columbian street pusher in Miami. In 2003, Limbaugh was revealed to be a member of an illegal prescription drug ring, from which he regularly purchased Oxycontin and Hydrocodone (tl;dr version). In a heartfelt broadcast, he apologized to his listeners by stating he was "addicted to prescription pain medication" and that he was "no role model."
He also caught carrying a fairly sizable quantity of Viagra not prescribed to him when he returned from the Dominican Republic in mid 2006 (linkage). After getting party v&ed for felony prescription fraud and possession of a controlled substance, he avoided the inevitable buttsecks in a Federal Penitentiary by saying he was deeply sorry and checked into rehab.
[edit] Obesity
Rush Limbaugh has historically been a tremendous, morbidly obese shitbag throughout most of his adult life. There was a period of time where Limbaugh rapidly dropped a ton of weight with the help of drug abuse. During this period of being not as fat as he was before, Limbaugh snapped a shitload of photographs that he recycled on his website in order to give the illusion of sustained weight loss. However, Limbaugh is still quite fat, as has long been evidenced on current clips displayed on his daily "Dittocam". The bottom line is, Rush Limbaugh is still a Big Fat Idiot.
[edit] Conservative Values
As chief cheerleader for the shrill ultra-right wing of the Republican Party, Limbaugh walks the walk by living his life in accordance with established Republican values. When he's not giving blow jobs to George W. Bush, Rush Limbaugh leads by example with such endeavors as illegally obtaining prescription narcotics and broken dick medicine; getting married and divorced 3 times in a solemn effort to ensure triple protection for the sanctity of marriage; and flying his fat ass to the Dominican Republic for some hot 9-year-old ladyboy action, with that illegally obtained broken dick medicine after his last divorce to take advantage of that country's extremely liberal stance on prostitution. He also became deaf from having one too many cumshots land in his ear hole, and has since had a chip wired directly to Republican talking points radio wired into his skull.
[edit] Stuttering
Rush Limbaugh stutters and stammers so abundantly during his self-dubbed "Excellence in Broadcasting" radio show, that he is the highest paid drug addicted, morbidly obese, convicted criminal impotent piece of shit on record. This recent address to Congress pretty much proved that he is beyond hope.
Deeply insecure about this own speech impediment, Rush accused beloved actor Michael J. Fox of faking his Parkinson's Disease shaky levels on TV to garner sympathy votes for a pro-stem cell research, Democratic advocate campaigning for Congress in the US 2006 mid-term elections.
After getting an earful of butthurt for this he was only slightly sorry.
[edit] Friend of the lulz
Recently, this upstanding man has called for his loyal Dittoheads to infiltrate the Democratic Party and vote for noted Muslim Barack Muhammed Hussein Obama, therefore indirectly electing action hero John McClane and making the world safe for democracy. To this end, he advocates riots and arson in Denver, the city where the Democratic National Convention is to be held this year. When asked why, he said, "I did it for the lulz."
[edit] Quotes
By Rush:
- "I'm a sex machine to both genders. It's all very exhausting. I need a lot of sleep."
- "My mom always told me that if you work hard, you can achieve anything. And if you have rich and influential friends, too."
- "AHHHHHHHH SALESMEN!"
About Rush:
- "Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day. Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him? Can't you see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle and Bush just … [pee noise] Just standing around pissing on him, and his piggly-wiggly dick can't get hard. Still can't get hard, so they call in Barbara Bush..."
- "Rush Limbaugh is a scatmuncher."
-Bill Hicks again
[edit] See Also
