SEGA
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
If Anonymous was a corporation, it would don Sega masks, or whatever the fuck a company would wear. Yes Sega is the Epic Fail Guy when it comes to vidya games. With only one successful console, 10 good games under its belt and over 9000 failures Sega redefined shit. Nintendo is over 9000 times better but still sucks cock.
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[edit] Early Years
Sega was actually started by Americans. This fact alone has just caused the Weeaboos reading the article to commit seppuku. Sega made arcade machines for the American service men on military bases. The post World War II corporation had early success with games "Wack a Jap" and "Tojo Raid" The name Sega comes from "SErvice GAmes of Japan" just like how the name for Namco is "Nigger Ass Mud COcks. Sega was hit hard by the American gaming crash. But after Nintendo revitalized the industry with the NES Sega came along and felt they could do the same.
[edit] Sega Master System
Simply put Sega Master System sales base consisted of brats who wanted every toy, and drunken or retarded parents who picked up the wrong console for their kids. The system redefined failure in the US where the Nintendo Entertainment System took 95 PERCENT. The failure of a console was mercifully saved though by Eurutrash and Brazil.
[edit] Mascot
Sega decided to be completely original and make themselves a loveable mascot. To get the correct edgy look, they gave a picture of Mario to some autistic children and told them to make something better than Mario. The children drooled on the paper and as a result Sega had their star character, Alex Kidd. They made several shitty games until they realised how awful a mascot he was. They then decided that it was best to appeal to furfags, and that's how we got Sonic the Hedgehog. Sonic isn't all bad though; he did give us Double Nigger.
[edit] Genesis
The Genesis was a process of rapidly terraforming planets to make them inhabitable that was sought after in Star Trek 2: Wrath of Khan and a not so shitty console. The game had BLAST PROCESSING that made 13 year old boys drop their loads in excitement of how fast the screen could move! Thinking about it right now makes me want to lube up my genesis and fuck it right now. Besides that the Genesis had beloved titles such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, Ecco the Dolphin, and moar fucking Sonic the Hedgehog... oh and the poor man's Final Fantasy Phantasy Star (what an original title). The most memorable part of the Gensis was Sega's balsy campaign, where they totally dissed Nintendo who after making the SNES was destroying them when it came to graphics, gameplay, and quality. Before it finally died Sega tried not once but twice to jump start its heart by introducing the Genesis 32X and Sega CD which both failed horribly.
[edit] Sega Saturn
You're probably scratching your head thinking, there was a console between the Gensis and the Dreamcast. Well, I have to admit I had to look at the Wikipedia too to remember that piece of Epic Fail. The legendary Sega Saturn had one game called Nights Into Dreams, and it was just as gay as you think it sounds. You don't even play as a girl or a boy, but a fucking Tranny named Nights. As with the Genesis, the best thing about it was the awful advertising which featured Kratos from God of War.
[edit] Dreamcast
After the previous failed consoles (three if you count the Sega CD and 32X) Sega was just craving for a comeback. And that is what started the Dreamcast. With hits like Sonic the Fucking Hedgehog and Soul Calibur Sega was sitting very pretty for a half a year or so, until Sony came and pwned its sales with the Playstation 2. After this failure, Sega finally gave up and changed from a shitty console maker to a shitty third party game company. Please advise any of your faggot friends to not purchase any new Sonic games, as doing so will encourage Sega to keep on trucking.
[edit] A Few Popular Franchises and Innovations
Afterburner
Crazy Taxi
Drive niggers to KFC.
Hang On
House of the Dead
Jetset Radio
No soap, Jetset Radio.
Moon Cresta
Nights
Sonic with a flying androgynous purple-thing.
Outrun
Phantasy Star
Rub Rabbits!
A bunch of Silhouettes play minigames. There's a love story
or something in it.
Sega Rally
Shenmue
IM LOOKING FOR SUM SAILORS
Sonic The Hedgehog
A blue furry runs to the right side of the screen. The series went downhill AT SONIC SPEED when it went 3D.
Space Channel 5
Simon Says with tits.
Space Harrier
Virtua Fighter
Virtua Tennis
Wonder Boy
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