Straight Edge
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
| —Every "sXe" 15-year-old, ever. |
Straight edge (sXe, pron. essex-ee, also written fag) is a Mormon cult for 13 year old boys created by Ian MacKaye (pronounced Make Gay) of the band Minor Threat as a means of rebelling against the concepts of sex, drugs, and rock & roll (because the cool kids, who do things like drink and have sex, won't associate with these faggot mama's boys). In other words, their mission is to uphold the status-quo. If you're under 18/21 don't fucking brag about it. You're only following the law, you pretentious shit.
Acting as young, elitist republicans, Straight-edgers believe that if they do not drink, smoke, think, do drugs, have fun, or have casual sex, they will be granted special powers and buttsecks with semi-divine level-18 dickgirls when Ian MacKaye returns from the dead as an all-powerful zombie monarch. They are also often vegans, vegetarians, and/or retarded. Straight-Edgers can all be very proud of the fact that they made a militant "movement" spanning nearly three decades out of a 48-second song written by a man who later decided that a little weed here and there couldn't hurt. Many straight-edgers populate LJ and can be spotted from time to time in indiefucks.
Contents |
sXe Language, Internet Culture and Netspeak
| —Anonymous |
| —Anonymous |
| —Anonymous |
| —Anonymous |
Say it Right
Should be written sXe, lowercase s, uppercase X, lowercase e. If you don't write it this way, they will know you are a poseur, and will be promptly flamed to death.
The Xs
In the olden days, if someone had X's around their name (i.e. xfuthmanx for futhman), that would mean they are sXe. However, non-sxe individuals very quickly adopted this as a way to make their name look cool or be able to use an otherwise-taken username.
Nonetheless, it is pretty much common knowledge that the Xs around the names are synonymous with sXe. People often mock sXe usernames by using other letters, such as Y (yfuthmany) or Z (zfuthmanz), or by being cute and ironic (xvodkax or xigetlaidx). However, if you try doing both (yredmeaty) it is unfunny.
sXe kids put Xs on their hands to show they're speshul. Members of this movement claim that in the USA, if a minor goes to a venue serving alcohol, the bouncers would mark their hands with black X's indicating to barstaff that they are not supposed to be served booze. This entire concept is/was rarely practiced in reality, outside of some areas in the Washington DC area during the early 1980's. Still, the story is perpetuated because it sounds so fucking hardcore. Even so, marking your hands after you are of drinking age makes you look like a tool. Furthermore, marking your hands in countries other than the USA makes you a tool whether you're of drinking age or not. This is also how Jesus god pwned to the cross. He had marked his hands with Xez while trolling some sXe'rz. His father was a carpenter though and was used to hammering nails in the spots where he'd placed X'ez. This is how the accident happened.
Slang
- sXe kids that are committed to being sXe are known as being true. A common sXe battle cry is "true till death", i.e. they will never abandon the sXe ideals. Yeah right, just wait until they turn 21. (19 or 18 in Canada)(18 in Australia)(4 in Mexico) (2 in Russia) (Still as a sperm in Germany)
Street-Cred
Being sXe adds +100 points to your emo street cred. It shows how dedicated you are to your image. Much like vegans or vegetarians, sacrificing something EVERYONE enjoys to be different makes you a more viable candidate to be crowned King Shit, the most hardcore emofuck of all. It is also well known that sXe is also employed by Christians in order to get some street/punk/hardcore/non-Christian cred. But Jesus turned water into wine and not the other way around, so they're fags both in their religion and out.
NetSpeak
Some sXe kids, tend to take on abbreviations and other internet slang IRL, claiming it to be their own. Whether it is while conversing with another sXe mate in FYE, battling about who has bigger gauges at Hot Topic, or even naming their own shitty songs from their own shitty bands internet slang. (Commonly overused, uncreative, and still shitty song titles include: ROFLCOPTER, LOLERZ, PWNZORED, and FTW) None of which did the band members spend hours in a a deep meditative state to come up with, but rather just copying it (which they always seem to have a knack for) from internet forums, other bands, or just World of Warcraft (which they all play and is the sole thing keeping them from breaking edge LOLZ).
The sXe curse
It is well-known in the sXe scene that if you get a sXe tattoo, you will soon abandon your straightedge ways. Also referred to as 'irony'.
Variations
hXc
Hardcore is an off-shoot of punk rock that encourages anyone stupid enough to listen to it to flail their arms like a fucktarded ape (which is supposed to make the music "more aggressive"), and eventually gave birth to other really terrible kinds of music like emo.
HXC has a prominent Internet presence, as many adherents are underemployed, troubled, social rejects in their teens who want to be a part of something and have plenty of spare time to whine about it.
mXc
Spike TV for Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Retarded azn game show from the 80's dubbed by hilarious comedians like Mary Scheer, who hasn't worked since the mid-90's. If you need to experience something like this, push some japanese guy into the mud, then make a penis joke.
Hardline
Apparently, there are some people who think the straight edge movement is way too liberal and further measures must be taken. In addition to not doing any of the totally cool things straight-edgers refuse to do, hardliners won't drink coffee or eat meat products. Additionally, they are are pro-life extremists and think jacking off to pr0n and being gay or bisexual are unnatural; acts of violence against anyone who is gay, has an abortion, and/or touches themselves is encouraged by these people. They do, however, love engaging in a bizarre synthesis of Islam, Judaism, Christianity, Taoism, and a bunch of other random shit. Basically, they're either nutbags or Mormons trying to get some scene cred.
No, I'm not making this shit up.
Also, here. baleeted
The Painful Truth
sXe kids are sXe so they have an excuse for failing at life, for example the sXe kid will claim he is a virgin not because he's a loser who couldn't score to save his life, but rather that he's somehow beyond such carnal urges. As for drinking, drugs etc. It's because they're too much of a pussy to risk buttsex with Bubba for booze and drugs, so use this lame fascia of restraint and iron will to hide their self loathing and inadequacy.
See Also
- Music (
usually badalways bad) - Gay
- fapping
- Noob
- Aids
- Fail
- Cutting
- Shotgun mouthwash
- fangirls
- an hero
- AFI
- weegee
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Straight Edge is part of a series on Music |
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