Sailor Moon
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Sailor Moon is a classic anime, meaning that it features schoolgirls, rape, tentacle rape and enormous fire spouting penises destroying Tokyo. The first of a series, it revolves around the legend of a "superfiend" that attempts to unite the three realms (Human, Beast and Demon) using schoolgirls, rape, tentacle rape and enormous fire spouting penises that destroy Tokyo. Director/Screenwriter Hideki Takayama brought many important modern Japanese cultural memes and motivations to this film, namely schoolgirls, rape, tentacle rape and enormous fire spouting penises destroying Tokyo. Thus, it is no surprise that the series was a worldwide hit, especially with young girls.
There are five seasons; each new season features a new group of nut job villains who suck at their jobs. As the show progresses it gets stranger and stranger but still manages to deliver the odd pantyshot every second episode. By the end of the series, three shemales come in to help save the day, because everyone knows shemales pwn.
Contents |
[edit] Origin
Sailor Moon was stolen from good old god-fearing white conservative gun-toting American animators by those evil gooks(wtf?). Luckily, some wholesome Catholic altar boys managed to hold on to a VHS of the original American series:
[edit] Main Characters
- Tsukino Usagi (Sailor Moon): The cry-baby attention whore. Always desperate for Tuxedo Kamen's cock, which she is destined to be impregnated by to spawn Chibi Usa. In early episodes, she used her gold-plated metal tiara as a frisbee to gruesomely decapitate monsters. Since this was too violent for a kids show, she was later given various types of magic wands that served no purpose other than masturbatory devices.
- Chibi Mamoru (Tuxedo Kamen): The bishounen in a tuxedo. Always there to save Moon and friends but never sticks around to fulfill their lustful desires. Likely a homosexual (like half of the male cast) who is disappointed they're not real sailors. His deadly rose attack can instantly level ten city blocks and completely destroyed Tokyo in numerous episodes. The show would end a lot sooner if Tuxedo Mask would just show up in the beginning, say his speech about love and shit and then destroy neo-Tokyo with a single $4 rose he bought at some gas station, but no such luck. You see, in the interest of milking this phenomenon for all it was worth, the creators dragged the series out for as long as possible.
- Mizuno Ami (Sailor Mercury): The nerd of the group. The most popular character among desperate fanboys who point to her own research which proved that she has the tightest pussy in the universe. Her attack is the weakest since it only creates thick fog that results in multiple traffic accidents. Her strength was demonstrated when she survived a 24hr chess match while fully frozen but without losing a limb to frostbite, proving that she is hardcoar.
- Hino Rei (Sailor Mars): The priestess and bitch of the group. Aside from bitch slapping Usagi and dating her boyfriend (whom she really did have first), she likes to throw her used tampons at monsters, which she at times also sets on fire. Her school uniform has the shortest skirt and thus proves she is a slut, whore and a slutty whore. When she's not being a whore she's practicing witchcraft, proving that she is, in fact, a white person and not an azn.
- Kino Makoto (Sailor Jupiter): The drama queen attention whore and general whore who's always looking for a guy, only to be disappointed that he reminds her of someone she's already had sex with. In one episode, she stated that her breasts are bigger than the planet Jupiter itself. This has been recently verified by NASA scientists as fact. The only thing Sailor Jupiter contributes to the plotline is that she wears green clothing, balancing out the other costumes, color-wise.
- Aino Minako (Sailor Venus): The slut who engages in the more traditional activities of Japanese schoolgirls, such as selling her used panties. Likely into bestiality, she likes to tease her cat guardian Artemis by prancing around in her underwear. Her "Love Me" chain attack is crucial in making monsters routinely rape her instead of innocent bystanders. She is one of the biggest blond whores in the group, second only to Usagi.
- Chibi Usa (Sailor Chibi Moon): The annoying fucktard/obligatory loli. During one season of the series, she maintained a healthy and romantic relationship with a horse. Her heart shooting wand attack is a blatant rip-off of the Care Bears. During another season of the series we discover that, fucking-gasp, she is actually Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Masks' child from teh future! This was established AFTER the pink reverse-Oedipus is magically changed into an evil sex-crazed adult for a few episodes. During that time she took Tuxedo Mask captive and repeatedly tried to rape him. No joke. But seeing as incest is one of the main angles of the show, fans were ready to forgive, and those who weren't incest fetish pedophiles were ready to forget.
- Meiou Setsuna (Sailor Pluto): The emo one. She didn't get much screen time due to critics denouncing her appearance as "too old" and thus causing many otakus to lose their erections whenever she was on screen. Her control of time is often blamed for reruns and those annoying review episodes. She was kicked out of the Sailor Moon Club and started making guest appearances on Power Rangers to pay the bills. Has fallen into massive depression after finding out that Pluto is no longer a planet, last seen at all-you-can-eat buffets, claiming that she's "Working on regaining her previous title", suffice it to say, she has lost her mind.
- Tenoh Haruka (Sailor Uranus): The bull dyke for which everyone was horny until they found out she was a bull dyke and drove without a license. Her earthquake attack made her the subject of CIA investigation following the collapse of the Twin Towers. However, her surveillance only resulted in the creation of much lesbian porn that was subsequently sold online to help Bush finance the Iraq war. But even those must have sucked because the country is still in debt.
- Kaioh Michiru (Sailor Neptune): The bull dyke's girlfriend, art school drop-out and fan of watersports. She is a wanted war-criminal due to the numerous tsunami caused by her attacks. She is blamed for destroying Sri Lanka and is now working underground as an loli artist.
- Tomoe Hotaru (Sailor Saturn): The almost-loli goth who had a secret crush on true-loli Chibi Usa. Her weapon is a giant can opener with which she frequently likes to cut herself. There was also an entire season devoted to her deciding that she was far too emo to be in the world and thus tried to destroy it. Luckily for us, the government converted her to being a Mormon and she was able to stop thinking for herself.
- Kou Seiya (Sailor Star Fighter): One of the three shemales. She is in constant pursuit of Usagi's vagina, even though she herself is a 16 year old girl who can magically turn into a 13 year old boy. She/he/it was playing American-style football in one episode where, following the game, she went into the locker room and got gang-banged by big sweaty azns who think they're white. Her attack consists of chargin' then firin' her lazer which deals 2d20 + 5 damage.
- Kou Taiki (Sailor Star Maker): Taiki is the one who wears the pants in the group. He, err, she is always seen giving it to Yaten deep in the anus. Taiki also arguably has the gayest attack in the series. Her devastating "Star Gentle Uterus" attack sends out bubbles filled with aborted fetuses at her victims. China is currently studying the attack to help with population control.
- Kou Yaten (Sailor Star Healer): The bitch of the group. Often seen getting ass-raped by Taiki, Yaten is as gay as they come. She gathers all the kinetic energy collected from the anal reaming and releases it in an attack called "Star Sensitive Inferno" that, while looks cool enough, does shit damage to enemies. A totally useless character who gets overall about 30 minutes of screen time throughout the series.
[edit] Rating
- Action: 10, Tokyo getting destroyed all over the damn place (but somehow in the end everyone totally forgets about it)
- Lulz: 10, until you realize that these guys are serious
- Furry Gayness: 0, everyone is a demon in disguise so it's otherkin city
- Homesexuality: 10, it's basically soft-core lesbian porn for children
- An Heroism: 0, they sucked so bad at life none of them were ever able to successfully end it for themselves
[edit] External Links
 |
Sailor Moon is part of a series on Anime. |
|
