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Sarah Champion

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Hai guize!

Every so often a LOLcow comes along that defies all reason and explanation. A classic example of this is Sarah, a lesbian (no, srsly) Sydney-sider who, by her own proclamation, is a fucking genius. When not writing shitty sci-fi novels about lesbians and aliens fucking, she enjoys cutting herself and masturbating with cheese graters. When not busy mastering all known sciences and being a scholar, she likes to document her life via LiveJournal.

1 Pseudo-intellectual, wut?
2 WTF, where’s the drama?
3 Quotes
4 Orginal pics
5 Gallery of shame
6 See Also
7 External links

[edit] Pseudo-intellectual, wut?

Sarah is arrogant in the way you think that God would be omnipotent: despite not even having finished high school (too bored to concentrate, apparently) or holding any higher qualification than a TAFE (community college for ausfags), she is a card carrying member of Mensa. Kate lacks any social skills, having met her last few girlfriends on gaydargirls.

Sarah claims to be be in the top 00.001% intellectually, which would mean she would be one of Earth's 600 most intelligent people (too bad that IQ tests don't mean anything as an actual measure of intelligence). Despite her god-like intelligence she still can't remember her cell phone number or understand what dihydrogen monoxide is (science troll). Sarah is a perfect example of unwarranted self importance, who hides her ineptitude under her brilliant wit; a prime example follows.

[edit] WTF, where’s the drama?

Upon seeing the many shoops inspired by her person, she promptly kicked up a huge shitstorm. Sarah contacted her lawyers and decided to take the people she assumed made the pictures to court, despite not actually being able to subpoena anybody or actually being able to prove any of her claims (loss of income, emotional distress, defamation of character). The judge kicked her ass to the curb in record time and actually lulz'd at her for bringing such an idiotic claim to court.

[edit] Common sense prevailed - or did it?

After being raped by the judges banhammer, Sarah did what most super-intelligent people do when butthurt - she contacted a current affairs program, which picked up her bullshit and ran with it. They portrayed her as an innocent victim mercilessly being attacked by an uber leet cyber-bully. But then it all fell to pieces, because it was discovered that Sarah had fabricated death threats and other forms of abuse to justify her bullshit claims. To add to the drama, the current affairs program got a computer expert to track down her attackers ip-addresses.

[edit] The aftermath

The discovery of Sarah's fail was sensationalized, turning the innocent victim into an attention whore of epic proportions.

[edit] MOAR LAWYERS

After discovering this article on ED she she quickly speed-dialed her lawyer and made threats of litigation yet again, only to epic fail as clearly she has no idea who created this article, or why (why, for the lulz of course!). Evidently the author of this letter, Sarah's rampaging bulldyke girlfriend, has no idea who created this article, and like all uber smart tards, speaks in rhetoric and fail.

Hey *****,

Just wanted to drop you a quick line and say that the Encyclopedia Dramatica article was a little juvenile (but that was to be expected).

Unfortunately, you and ***** , while attempting to mask the identity of Sarah, made a few slip ups. Firstly, you published photographs that you did not have the permission nor publishing rights to use, as well as provided Sarah's full name by linking to her website. Not to mention the copyright infringement by quoting her book without permission.

Just to make it clearer:

   * Copyright infringement (two counts)
   * Harassment
   * Defamation

While I think it's actually pathetically amusing, my uncle does not. I doubt you realised I was the niece of a litigator, a successful one at that, but it just so happens that I am. So here's what's going to happen, and it's all up to you. Either:

   * Take down the photographs, including those photoshopped, and destroy all copies in your possession AND
   * Remove link to Sarah's website as the link i
   * Remove link to Sarah's website as the link is her full name AND
   * Remove book quote

Or else we'll be taking you to court. It's quite simple really. My uncle didn't want me to give you any warning but I thought I'd give you a chance because Sarah's told me some things about your past and I know you can't help being... the way you are. As well, Sarah doesn't want it to go that far, she seems to think you'll see reason if I attempt to make contact first.

The rest of the article can stay up, I don't mind. It's so poorly written I can barely understand it anyway.

There are some things you have to realise though.

You broke it off with her. Straight away it makes no sense that you feel the need to seek revenge.
You're not even speaking to each other, and therefore there is nothing warranting an attack.
The more you push this, the worse it becomes for you. I know your parents have some funds, but having to fork out upwards of $30, 000 because you're feeling petty isn't going to make life any easier.
It just points out how miserable you are. Again, it makes no sense because you're the one who ended it. You're the one, regardless of your feelings or issues, who pushed her away.

You have 48 hours to have all material I have requested removed or I will be filing charges against you.

I sincerely hope this is the last time we have to communicate. Your call.

Rebecca Ward

The evidence is undeniable

[edit] LOL wut?

As you can see this letter makes no sense, this letter is the bastard child of a legal document and a stalker's love letter, but not much could be expected from such a concentrated source of unwarranted self importance, her making such idiotic assumptions in such a threatening letter only exposes her latent retardation, or rather blatant.

[edit] so what's next

Well, like Sweeteva and Mrfetch before her she has attracted the attention of anon, although anon currently sees her only as a lulzcow of epic proportions, it's hoped that this distateful mess is soon covered under the suffocating amounts of fail that she is. In typical /b/ style, as the vindictive miscreants that they are, /b/tards have already latched on to this in a grandiose way. Although no matter the amount of forced memes that have been flooding /b/, it's already doomed to fail.

[edit] Quotes

“	"I awoke this morning to a silent city. All those familiar smells and sensations of a grave, the deathly stillness of the air, the powdered concrete taste that permanently sticks in the back of your throat"	„
—Sarah on her baby bonus hole