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Satan

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Satan, the god of all emos.

Satan

The ruler of all the kingdoms of Earth (especially England), four-time winner of Best John Travolta Impersonation, and a passionate Furry, Satan has been busy as a jew in your wallet since the rise of Protestantism. He is known by the names Mephistopheles, Muhammad, The Morning Star, and, some argue, Buddha.

Satan used to be in a band of great renown but it was too emo, even for him, so he left. Pursuing a solo career tailored mainly towards the dark and gloomy (he went by the stage name Celine Dion at the time), Satan built a cult following of his own. Satan eventually did a few reunion tours with God, the most memorable being the tempting of Job.

1 Lasting Influence
2 Fun Facts About Satan
3 Jamaica
4 People Commonly Accused of Being The Antichrist
5 Gallery
6 See Also

[edit] Lasting Influence

Mostly these days Satan just hangs out with the midget kings

Satan's influence over modern indivdual thinkers is highly prevalent on the internets. Taking their cues from The Great One himself, completely original young thinkers can be found all over LiveJournal, DeadJournal and especially Vampirefreaks. Typically, many of them cultivated screen names based off the works of Dante and Milton such as xxxSatansGoatseManBitchxxx or 6satans6jizzbin6.

The other telltale sign of Satan's presence OL is the continuation of cryptography, which is his favorite hobby. His most hardcore followers will attempt to obfuscate the true, sinister nature of their messages within a highly complex system of transposing, dropping, and replacing letters and words when communicating.

Example 1: "I am in the final stages of planning a gruesome end to my foes" would be written as "Tihs is so fuck up ppl wr talkkn shit n i start to cry n now i jus wana smoek a big 1 n slit my rissed."

Example 2: "That woman would be most suitable to join me inside my dungeon for a night of exquisite pagan sex ritual" would translate as "teh grrl in Hot Topic is so hot i trid to aks her out but im to shy n just looked so stupid. I haet myself. Good news i get to moev into my moms basement tomorw."

[edit] Fun Facts About Satan

Obviously

Satan is gay for Tom Cruise.
Satan uses Unix in all his partitions.
Satan has had hot, sweaty sex with every Republican president in the past 100 years and a majority of the Democratic ones. Jimmy Carter is a prude.
In previous years Satan employed backmasking to spread the word and cause people to commit suicide. Now that everybody just steals all their music from the internet, Satan has given up and joined the RIAA.
According to careful research by the Led Zeppelin Research Group, Satan is sweet. A toolshed also seems to be involved somehow. 1
Goths don't actually commune with Satan as he despises Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails, KoRn, and all those faggots. In fact, he actually hates goths because they make him look like a pussy and give him a bad name.
Satan is the gayest douche in the universe.

[edit] Jamaica

The devil has been spotted in Jamaica

[edit] People Commonly Accused of Being The Antichrist

[edit] Gallery

satan is badass	"Go back to hell, Satan... the humans are mine!"	"Omniscient am I not, but well informed."	Satan's only fear. Any doubt?
One of Satan's fiendish earthly manifestations.	Satan's brides are chosen to bear his ungodly spawn.	Typical german satanists.	He doesnt quite worship himself yet