Scene
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Being a part of your city's scene means you go to the shows of local bands, but don't actually go inside the venue. You would instead, stand outside of the venue being scene with fellow retards. It is a general consensus among the young that naming several obscure bands when asked what one's favorite bands are is way cool and shows you know a lot about music.
Scenesters, also known as scene kids, sceney boppers, scenefags, and total fucking morons, are participants in a giant contest on the Internets to see who can sport the most ridiculous hair, take the most "edgy" scene pics at strange angles, listen to the most obscure, artfully tasteless music, and get away with not being called emo. They religiously subscribe to the "Keeping up with the Jones's" aesthetic, which means that everyone fucking copies everyone else and starts drama just for the sake of being hella scene. Scene and emo both share some common elements of fashion, hair, and homosexuality. Calling a scenester an emo will result in anger. You'll most likely do this, as no normal person can tell them apart by looks. The typical scenester in one city can look very different from the typical scenester in another city, due to the variation in local scenes. Without getting into the whole music part, the main difference between emos and scenesters is scenesters are less depressed and whiny and a lot more retarded and obnoxious. Unlike emos, who are stuck up because they are faking depression, scene kids are stuck up for the sake of... being stuck up. One of the greatest enigmas of scene culture is that they hate being labeled "scene", even though they're trying to be scene, which is in fact a MIND FUCK. A scene kid is an adolescent version of a hipster.
Emo kids want to kill themselves; Scene makes other people want to kill themselves.
Everyone knows that the world's most famous scene kids can be found on MySpace and LiveJournal. These scene kids are so famous they can have up to 100,000 friends who they have never met. f a LiveJournal rating community is not run by 14 year old ana Paris Hilton worshipers, it is an absolute given that it is run by scenesters. Some notable scene MySpace whores are:
- Drewyboy. 18 year old scene king Drewyboy can be found here [1]. His life is full of blurred gender lines, 16 year old girls and lame. His girlfriend is 15, making him a Pedophile. "Drewyboy's" elitist attitude towards everything he sees screams of FAIL.
- Audrey "I can't believe i fell in love with someone who wears more makeup then me" Kitching. Found at this link [2]. 23 year old MySpace scene slut and 'Inventor of scene'. She looks like something Hello Kitty vomited up, then ate, then re-vomited up. Gross.
- Jeffree Star. If you're on his MySpace friends list, you're famous1!!!
- Kiki Kannibal, even though she reportedly baleeted her profile and operates exclusively from her Stickam account.
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[edit] Scenesters on the Internets ...tl;dr
An introductory video to the scene plague (muting is advised because the music is shit):
part tew (music improves):
Co-Ed Edition!1 More scene gurlz.
If you paid attention, you should have been able to tell the difference between the scenesters and the emo bitches.
Scenesteritis is a dilapidating disease closely related to faggotitis. It is fairly contagious and those with a low sense of identity are especially at risk. Avoid spending a prolonged amount of time with anyone with scenesteritis, even if you have a low risk of catching the disease. The actions and general aura of scenesters have been known to drive some into a mad, seething, homicidal rage.
The most general symptom seen in those suffering from scenesteritis is an obsession with irony and an uncontrollable need to apply it liberally in any and all situations.
Other symptoms of scenesteritis include:
- Penchant for the colors black, white, hot pink, pastel green, light pink, and anything neon.
- Penchant for striped, stars, polka dots, cheetah/animal prints, loli hair accessories, being cute/kawaii, etc.
- Penchant for handguns, images of handguns, sounds of handguns ("BANG"), "guns go bang", etc.
- Always, always, always owns a MySpace. Having a LiveJournal is optional, but if he/she does, the username typically contains a long string of pointless underscores (not because the name he/she wanted was taken, but because it looks cool). He/she also changes journal names extremely often for no reason. A Last.fm account is handy for those who wish to showcase their shitty taste in music.
- Uses the ♥ symbol and letter X a whole fucking lot, sometimes as a signature in comments.
- Propagates the unfunny old meme phrase "kthx" ad nauseam, usually to the point where they end every sentence with it. Other variants are "kthxbai/bye", "kthxdie", "stfu plz kthx", etc. Also uses 1337 for irony's sake.
- Has emo-esque hair that is very jagged and sleek looking. One long spike sweeps over half his/her face. It is almost always duo (blonde and black)- or multi-colored (LOL WTF) in a bad way. Hipster mullets are popular on azn girls and br00tal guys. However, also known to have their plain hair with no additions, which instantly reveals them to be posers.
- Seemingly unexplainable obsession with robots and dinosaurs, particularly drawings of them. If a team of paleontologists discovered an entire Euoplocephalus skeleton in rural western Idaho, or if it was learned that CRASAR polymorphic Super Bujold robots are exploring collapsed buildings in New Orleans, a scenester will most likely not give a shit. Also, likes the phrases "RAWR" and "BEEP BEEP".
- Two words: Internet disease. Pictures should have their MySpace URL/ID numba across it.
- An affinity for pirates, ninjas, unicorns, and the occasional zombie is shared as well (applies to br00tal scene). Hello Kitty, Gloomy Bear, and Pokemon are also common/required objects of obsession. Scenesters are under the impression that randomly saying, "I'm a ninja" in public places or a Myspace bulletin will ensure much lulz. What scenesters don't realize, is that by saying that very phrase do they prove the age old theory that all scene kids are a waste of sperm and egg.
- Two words: internet disease.
- Very Mizundast00d.
- Greets people with insults, typically "skank(s)", "ho(s)", and "slut(s)".
- Claims to be "Hollywood." If you don't know what that means, then you know what to do.
- Says "NIGGAZ", "NIGS", etc. a lot, under the delusion that it is "hella" funny.
- Creates, promotes and applies to dozens of rating communities. These, and layout and icon-related communities are the only LiveJournal communities they will be a member of.
- Penchant for "retro"-style artwork and design, especially the 80s. V-necks and oversized sunglasses are common among those who are "with it."
- Both females and males may wear a shitload of eyeliner.
- Calling yourself scene like a dumbass, without realizing it's an insult.
- Purchase too much Hello Kitty shit and have MySpace names that have to due with harming another person such as Mikee Br00tal, Michael Massacre, or anything else to due with Virginia Tech or being fucked in the butt with a chainsaw/power tool/tree trunk.
- Flatbills, bandannas, gym shorts/camo pants, Nikes or track shoes, and a band t-shirt - the proper hxc mosh dude scene uniform.
- Using the abbrev "hxc" for hardcore punk, occasionally using the abbrev "sxe" for straight edge, and using the abbrev "sxc" just cuz.
- A PIERCED SEPTUM IS ESSENTIAL. Snake bites/spider bites, monroe piercing (on guys as well), gauges that were shaped too fast because they wanted to fit-in quick, so now they have thin spots, or a busted earlobe that looks like udders of a cow.
- Tattoos, tattoos, tattoos. A sleeve can be found on both genders, and chicks usually have something tattooed between their tits and their neck, like some sort of bizarre skin painting.
- A Scenester MUST have an obsession over old retro stuff they probably never cared about prior to being infected with scenesteritis. For instance, every scene kid MUST love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
- Overusing the word "cunt", because it's so taboo and offensive.
- Putting text in brackets for some reason, and repeating punctuation like the ampersand (&) and the semi colon (;) excessively. &&&&&&&srsly;;;;;
- Calling everyone else a "poser"
Those who do not fall into a mad seething homicidal rage end up dying their hair multiple colors and experimenting with their sexuality. This means that the first seeds of scenesteritis have sprouted, and that within a month's time, they'll be taking pictures of themselves and trying to start a shitty fake "grindcore" band. Upon first seeing the symptoms above, you should immediately go to the doctor. If it's too late for that, there is but one option to save yourself: becoming an hero.
Clothing is...oh you know what, fuck it. Scenesters are all hipster, flight-jacket wearing faggots and if you ever come across one, beat it within an inch of its life for being a part of the most retarded piece of shit gimmick fad in recent memory.
Scene bands include: Underoath, Chiodos, Atreyu, the Blood Brothers, the Number Twelve Looks Like You, heavyheavylowlow, Fear Before the March of Flames, the Fall of Troy (their FIRST album, bc they knew about it before everyone else, obviously...kthx), Coldplay, and basically anything whored on MySpace without talent, i.e. Jeffree Star.
Scenesters are known to fail at every facet of life that doesn't include being scene, which comes as a result of coveting their white belts (worn backwards with a belt buckle, of course) over their high school diploma. This is the leading cause of the transformation of conventional retard 13 year old boys into full blown scenefags. A popular excuse that an adolescent male scenester will give for becoming a scenefag, is "doing it for the pussy" (obvious lie is obvious). Although all 16 year old whores have secret lesbian desires, and will often find faggotry to be erotic, most women who aren't scenesters themselves quickly discover that all scenesters are really just flaming faggots.
The funny thing about scenesters is that they're all elitists, meaning that they believe they are above everyone else in every aspect of life. Though they dress like idiots, listen to noise rather than music, and are generally rude and annoying, they find themselves to be the most awesome and unique beings to grace the planet. However, when it comes down to it, they all look, talk, dress, and act the same way...just like every other stereotype. They are basically the scum of the universe and they don't realize it. If a scenester is reading these words now, it will run off and blog about it on MySpace, saying that it just makes them cool that everyone hates them. Deep down, though...he/she is mortally wounded and will probably write a pointless "screamo" song about it. They constantly 'go to shows' and 'throwdown,' which refers to having seizures in public (hardcore dancing). Scene kids are known to be seen in their natural environment; Girls: drinking and partying with guys twice their age; Guys: Fucking girls guys who are at least 5 yrs their senior junior.
It has been proven the scene kids and emo kids are the same thing with only one minor difference. Scene kids are just emo kids who had epic fail at being depressed and committing suicide. So they try to hide there defeat under over sized baby sunglasses used in Annes Geddes photos and fake happiness through the use of prozac and old fashioned lies. But if you need proof the two groups are really just one larger group of fucktarts call a scenester and emo or vice versa and watch them baaaaaaaaaawwww about it on their myspace. Both groups are trying to relive the 80s though neither were alive then. And they don't even listen to tapes on a walkman or carry boom boxes even though they sport the image on their graphic tee because it is all vintage and hardcore.
[edit] Old and New Scene
Recently, scenesters have been mutating into new monstrosities known as "br00tal kids." These faggots took the scene image and clusterfucked it with a dollop of goth, metal, and bullshit, and created a strain of heroin chic zombies that are all about being br00tal. Unlike the run-of-the-mill happy scenesters, br00tal kids are obsessed with gore, deathcore (which they stupidly call "grindcore" because they're fucking retarded), as well as diamonds, Chanel, high "fashion" panic font and scene "metal bands" such as Bring Me the Whorizon, We Came With Swollen Teet, and Waking the Cuntdaver are a necessity.
[edit] Steven Strazzullo's How to Be Scene
- No baggy clothes. Go to thrift stores, Zumiez, Pacsun, Wetseal, and Hot Topic and get skinny pants and tutus. Boys need to wear mid-drift shirts. Clothes need to be "skin fucking tight." Cowboy bootz are optional?
- Girls need to cut their hair short and then add extensions so it looks "fake as fuck"; it needs to be "a choppy mess... much like a cat or a raccoon on top of your head." Coon stripes are an option, and were first invented by our Lord and Savior Kiki Kannibal. Lots of bleach, then dye it black, so your hair looks "fried." A hair straightener is absolutely required; curly/frizzy hair was never scene. Common scene hair features include the fountain, which is the short spiked hair on the crown of the hair, and side fringe (a.k.a. bitch handles), which is commonly sported by br00tal guys and lesbians.
- Wear as much makeup as you can. Cake it on your face. Guys need it too.
- Egotistical attitude. Your shit needs to smell like roses; that's how awesome you think you are.
- Keep track of your scene points, which is an arbitrary point system awarded to those who are super scene. For example, piercing your clit = 500 scene points, and wearing flare jeans = -100,000,000 pts.
- You need a MySpace/internets name. Use your real name and something scene that rhymes with it, as well as a trademark symbol, a copyright symbol, a restricted symbol, a Japanese character, and all the crews that you belong to in brackets.
- Talk shit all the time when online. Take pics with diamond-studded brass knuckles to show how "tuff" you are. Use Myspace. Don't do it face to face, or your emo hair will get ruined when you get curbed by that 350-pound, 6'8" metalhead you decided to call a poser. Use Myspace.
- Buy Kiki Kannibal's necklaces. LONG pearl necklaces, and really any long, artsy necklace (think old rusty keys or fucking door knockers) are teh sc3n3.
- Pick a furry as the new scene icon. no srsly.
- Join every online community you can and add everything to your favorites. You have to have a MySpace with thousands of friends, and your profile must be private and have a picture as your headline.
- Straight guys need to "look like a faggot" and "act like a fag." The real faggots have to be transvestites. Girls need to look as "shitty as possible."
- Start a trend and start drama with those that "copy" you. Example: douse your hair in your dad's cum and claim you "brought back AIDS."
- Attitude (again), such as saying things like "don't hate me because you ain't me!"
- You must be bisexual, because "liking one sex just isn't enough."
- You must be skinny. Take a lot of laxatives; anorexia is bad because you're always hungry, but bulimia is "a win/win situation." Getting water poisoning from vitamin water = 1,000 scene pts.
- Piercings inside of your penis/cooter.
- You need to have a faggot who follows you around and wipes your ass when you go to the bathroom.
- Fuck up every human language in existence.
- Photoshop your photos so you look you're made of plastic or look like a corpse. If you're ugly, stay inside. Photoshop only works on the internets.
- You cannot claim scene.
- To be scene is to be fake. Reality is not an option.
- Irony is a given. Claim edge and smoke a pack outside of the local music venue while looking enigmatically at the pack of hardline edge kids about to rape you with their vegan Asics.
- Four words: You, An Hero, NOW.
Part 1 Part 2 Removed. Google his name for backup videos. here it is!
[edit] Hawt Pics
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[edit] Scenesters who need some internub flame/fame.
- xXPrincessPunkXx - If this bitch is gonna be part of the future democracy of America [she's from Canada, but same shit anyways], we're fucked, since she's so full of shit she wears it as eyeliner.
LOL WUT? No more video; was pulled apparently.WE'RE BACK IN ACTION! Protip: The bitch's chin looks like an ASS!
- Steven Strazzullo - Video also pulled. Pussy... [SOMEONE BETTER FIND THIS VIDEO!]
- Anyone on Jeffree Star's MySpace Friends List.
- This foppy-haired fruitcake. There are way too many positive comments on his videos. Plz troll immediately.
SLOTTR-HOUSE hXcore! Is it me, or did they get vocals from a meat processing plant? Either way, the above scenester is a trap, like most scene guys.
- this bitch. uuuugh.
note: vid contains nothing but screaming and facemaking. needs trolling, not watching. BALEETED. YouTube channel still exists however: [3] along with teh private MySpace: [4]
[edit] The Final Solution
The only solution to this increasing problem of ridiculously dressed rich white kids is rampant decapitation unlike the world has ever seen. Scene kids are a lot like Highlanders except they have no talent, use or skill besides breathing YOUR air that YOU rightfully earned.
How to get the ball rolling:
- Find a scene kid way older than he should be.
- Pretend to care about the shitty band on his shirt and his imported beer (Pabst Blue Ribbon).
- Side with him that the worlds against you and the only way to prevail is to dress like a schmuck.
- Wait till he passes out from his (3) beers and two ZIMAs.
- Find a rusty spoon and start hacking.
- ????
- Profit!
[edit] See Also
[edit] External Links
- Scene Sucks A shockingly true documentary on typical scene life.
- MOAR SCENE BULLSHIT
- We Are The Mainstream Anti scene, emo, vampire, juggalo, idiot site.
- WATM's Scene Article.
- And another attack on scene idiots.
- In dire need of a raid.
- Troll for great justice
- Typical scenester MySpace.
- www.emoscene.com
- Your scene sucks
- [5] The 'hotest' kid in the world, Drewyboy. Profile is currently private
- [6] "I can't believe i fell in love with someone who wears more makeup then me"
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Scene is part of a series on Music. |
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