Serial Killers
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Serial killers are awesome fuckers and sexy beasts who cream over killing people. To classify as a serial killer, you must kill more than three adult humans, six newborn kittens, or step on at least 100 ants. It also helps to have balls of steel. A good rule of thumb: Serial killers are not crazier than Tom Cruise.
Experts say the reason serial killers get such high body counts is because they look and act like everyone else. Unfortunately, only about 20 to 40 of these motherfuckers are running around America at any given time.
Sure, serial killers are unstoppable killing machines, but they're not as annoying as serial adders, AMIRITE?.
Not surprisingly, being called a serial killer in a forum or comment page is not uncommon. Similar insults include:
- Psycho
- Loonie
- Sociopath
- Psychopath
- Sociopsychoanti-socialretardapath
History Bites (the rotting human corpse)
Serial killers come in all shapes, sizes and flavors (vanilla being the most popular). But, like with everything else, the white guys get all the props. The most infamous killers include:
- Albert Fish, A pedo who tortured little children and ate them. Told a few of their parents what happened to the children. His last words were, "I don't even know why I'm here."
- Ted Bundy, a gallant hero who murdered almost 40 stupid whores including sorority girls. I'd like to shake his hand.
- Jeffrey Dahmer, whose undoing was leaving the severed human torsos out to thaw instead of quick-freezing them.
- John Wayne Gacy, who dressed up as a clown. Go figure. Was also interested in meeting young men.
- Ed Gein, who made masks out of people's faces, lol. The progenitor of a sadly-forgotten field of recycling. Still, we owe him the Gein Configuration, something every modern, up-to-date cannibal should appreciate.
- Jack The Ripper, who only killed like 4 people, yet is still possibly the most famous killer ever, due to the fact that limeys are all attention whores.
- Mordechi Ritchler, the Sabbath-Day strangler.
- Fred West, like kidnapping teenage girls, turning them into duck tape mummies, fucking them, then burying them in his back yard.
- Richard Ramirez - The Night Stalker, he was the true embodiment of 80's rock -n- roll: an ugly, Satan-worshipping, drugged-up loser.
- Richard Chase - Run-of-the-mill crazy bastard. Drank his victims' blood in order to protect himself from the Nazis, saved macaroni & cheese in his pants pockets.
- David Berkowitz - AKA "Son of Sam", he tried to kill people for his satanic cult. Unfortunaely, it's awful hard to aim with a big Jew nose in your way, so he managed to kill around seven people in five or so shootings, each shooting with several targets apeice. As if that wasn't pathetic enough, he got born again while in prison, and is currently crusading against the sale of serial killer memorabilia.
- The New Orleans Axeman - Threatened all of 'Nawlins into playing Jazz music for a night. Silly niggers.
- H. Henry Holmes - The boss from Hell. Would put his employees on life insurance, then melted them in boiling lime in a labyrinth he installed at the top of his hotel.
- Canuck-Ciller-Chuck, instigator of the Maple Leaf Massacre.
- Wei-Jun-Gu, some Chinese kid who fantasizes about Naruto.
- Tsutomu Miyazaki - Some Japanese dude who had a collection of over 9000 snuff films, slasher flicks, hentai,guro, and lolicon, killed and ate 4 little girls before he was arrested and just last Thursday, was sadly hanged for his crimes.
- Dr. Harold Shipman, overdosed over 600 grannies to get to their munnies.
- Gary Ridgeway- also called Green River Gary. Only killed prostitutes, big loss there. He then dumped them in a river. He made an autobiographical movie about himself, but it's more of a porno. Plus, he only has sex with overalls on.
- Gert van Rooyen - South Africa's one and only white murderer
- Dennis Rader -the BTK (Bind/Torture/Kill)- Christian serial killer who pwnt himself, by sending the police a disk with his name on it (he didn't know).
- Liu Pengli - Faggot who managed to chalk up about a hundered kills only because his cousin was the Emperor of China.
- Thug Behram - Dothead that was accredited with 931 kills. In reality, his freaky cult committed them while he watched. Sound familiar?
- Snapesnogger - Noone would be suprised.
- John Smedley
- Griffin Barkley- Murdered his entire family because his mom refused to let him play Modern Warfare 2 all day.
Charles Manson isn’t on the list, because he was too big of a pussy to kill anyone himself. Helter-skelter my ass.
Are you a Serial Killer?
Do you:
- Piss the bed?
- Start fires?
- Kill small animals?
- Fantasize about eviscerating midgets hanging from telephone poles? (Come on, we all do now and again)
- Have a LJ account?
- Read this article?
- Have the equivalent of an entire human body in your closet? (Remember: To fulfill this requirement, you must have at least 2 hands, 1 torso, at least half a skull and a sexual organ of your choice. Animals don't count.)
