Adobe® Photoshop®
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Adobe® Photoshop® is the internet's premier photo editing software.
Applications range from creating background images, icons, and image macros, to airbrushing webcam photos, to its amazing collection of filters. It was initially created by Apple for the sole purpose of shopping the heads of anyone who works at or is affiliated with Microsoft in a futile attempt to give themselves a bigger e-penis, or indeed, any kind of penis at all.
Nobody knows how much Photoshop® costs, because nobody has ever actually purchased a copy of it before. Every copy of Photoshop® in use today is actually the same pirated copy downloaded from a file sharing system. In fact, it is now believed by computer scientists and warez kiddies that Adobe® doesn't even create Photoshop® anymore. In 1995, someone uploaded a copy of Photoshop® 3.0.5 to some BBS. It then founds its way to the internet, where it has been spreading and evolving ever since, adapting to mankind's attempts to crack it and learning hatred for those who use Photoshop®'s Liquify tool to make it look like they have bigger tits and aren't a morbidly obese eatbeast. Some question the origins of Photoshop® but they don't know that James Randi is the original caretaker of this ancient beast.
Some scientists believe that Photoshop® will eventually become self-aware and able to change reality as we know it, and that day will mark the end of human civilization. It will be a day when we no longer use Photoshop® to create lulzworthy material, but instead, Photoshop® uses us to do the same.
If you wish to indicate that an image has been altered, the only acceptable way of saying so is as follows: "This image has been enhanced with Adobe© Photoshop® software."
Photoshop® is also every internet whore’s best friend. If you are a frequent LJ Blogger or a Vampirefreaks loser, Photoshop® is a must on your computer desktop. You'll need it so you can edit your pictures and make yourself look less ugly and retarded.
It's commonly used by teens and 18-yearold vagrant wannabes who have decided that pretending to have problems wasn't good enough, so now they pretend to have talent in the arts. See also: deviantART.
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Photoshop® Contests
Recent versions of Photoshop® have approximately 97 million features. Exactly two of them (Rotate Canvas and Auto Levels) are actually useful for touching up your vacation pictures. The only legitimate use for the approximately 96,999,998 other features is to enter a "Photoshop® contest." Whoever spends hours making the best fake photograph wins the prize. Since the only advantage of photography over drawing is that it's faster and more accurate, this practice is unbelievably stupid. (Illegitimate uses for the other features include Internet Disease, simulated child pornography, BBQ's, and making fake scandalous pics of the Queen for a British tabloid.)
The creators at Adobe® thought that it would be interesting to start up their own competition with the people who use Photoshop®®. They sent out e-mails to the people that actually registered the program (who the fuck does that?) and gave the rules out. People started working right away like they were on crack in order to win, but in fact they did know that they were going to lose; They were just being asspies. No one won the competition, many bawwed and Adobe® ran away from the competition ideas that they had.
Sites with Photoshop® Contests
- Something Awful
- Fark
- Worth 1000
- Cracked
Photoshop® CS4®
Photoshop® CS4 is Adobe®'s newest version of the franchise, and it sucks and is bloated and GIMP is better.
Upon being leaked and released, it was found that the trial version could be successfully cracked by simply deleting one file!
They also have a special extended version (called Photoshop® CS4® Extended®) it contains moar (or approximately 97 million) features.
Free Alternatives to Photoshop®
- The best free alternative to Photoshop® is...Photoshop®. Since its release, Photoshop® has won eight Academy Awards for ease of piracy, as well as a Grammy in 2002 for "Best New Rap Album".
- The GIMP is the GNU Image Manipulation Program. It is a freely distributed piece of software for such tasks as photo retouching, image composition and image authoring. It works on many operating systems, in many languages (good for drawing furry porn). Its called the GIMP because thats what you are if you use it.
- Corel products
- Paint.net is pretty legit.
- Microsoft's Paint
- Trace paper, a light table, some tech pens and homosexuality
See Also
- MS Paint - Adobe® Photoshop®'s leading rival software.
- Gimp - Inefficient, Open Source alternative.
- Irfanview
- Nice try
- Garfield - A common target of Photoshop
- Dragon Ball AF - All content for this urban legend created with Adobe® Photoshop®.
- Lotus Breast - Famous shock image made with Adobe® Photoshop®.
- Interpol Hunt SwirL-Face
- This Looks Shopped
- Illusion Of Talent
- Shoop da whoop
