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Ska

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Ska music was invented in 1994 in Berkeley, California by Rancid and Orange County, California by No Doubt. Ska was invented by combining punk music with Reggae music to create a completely new genre. If some dipshit tells you it started as a form of jazz in Jamaica, then it is a lie and should go kill him/herself like the little scene kid faggots they are dying to be. Some other bands played punk-reggae before 1994, like The Specials, The Toasters, and Fishbone, but nobody cares about them because they're all old and/or full of black people. Ska music happens to be complete shit. If anyone you know happens to be a ska fan they are likely out of touch and may suffer from liking local bands. It is also widely recognized that only 1 ska song has ever been written, and that all ska bands just copy it 13 times onto a blank disc whenever they want to release a new "record."

1 Ska Fandom
2 Notable Ska Bands
3 Links

[edit] Ska Fandom

Cool, huh?!

On eljay, there are two ratings communities dedicated to ska music and ~~those infected by it~~ ska fans. hot_ska_kids caters to high school marching band members who think that covering themselves from head to toe in black and white checks makes them "rude" (which is roughly equal to "awesome" amongst ska fans, though "awesome" and "ska fans" in the same sentence is what we call an oxymoron), while howrudeareyou is for angry old people who hate anything made after 1981, including high school marching band members. This divide is an accurate representation of the worldwide ska fandom as well. Generally, the high school marching band members like to preface random words with "ska-", like "skapplication" (application), "skapple" (apple), and "skarotum" (scrotum). They are obnoxiously cheerful and excited about their favorite bands, most of which are comprised of white people too ugly to be indie and too pussy to be punk. Meanwhile, the angry old people constantly deride anything that isn't at least 100 years old as worthless and "not ska". They usually work dead end blue-collar jobs and are generally indistinguishable from skinheads.

Sometimes they look like this.

Both types of ska fans inexplicably think riding a motorscooter is cool looking. They couldn't be further from the truth.

WARNING: Ska is rarely good music and at least 100% of it's fans are massive stoners, also they look like total fags/jackasses when they try to do what they call "dancing".

[edit] Notable Ska Bands

[edit] The AquabatsFags

They dress up like superheroes, and sing songs about made up supervillains, and used to contain Travis Barker as an OMG AMZAING DRUMER!. Upon realizing that Travis Barker could have generated sucess, and quickly ditched his emo ass, as with the ska. They were recent spotted making a TV show.

[edit] Reel Big Fish Faggots

Imagine Uncyclopedia, but with terrible facial hair, instruments, and coke. Add in terrible covers of old shitty songs, being included in shit movies (LIKE FUCKING BASEKETBALL, DID THAT MOVIE EVER EVEN GET INTO THEATERS?), and generally being unfunny. They think it's hilarious and edgy to overuse the word FUCK.

Those wacky chaps!

[edit] The Slackers

Every single one of their songs sounds like some shitty blues cover with horns in the background. They even have a song about riding the fucking rails. Seriously, that's how lame they are.

[edit] The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

The singer sounds like The Jolly Green Giant and Snake from The Simpsons's bastard inbred child, and the creator of this unfunny ~~comic~~ SKAMIC LOL creams herself to him. They have the remarkable ability to make every single song sound exactly the same, but never say this to a fan. Also, they have a member whose sole job is to dance around like an epileptic guy with Parkinson's. Yeah, that's a double-whammy of retarded right there. They've recently gotten back together to play a handful of shows, as an opening band. Even they know they still suck. They also released a b-sides album upon getting back together. Of course, all the fans hyped this up like a gigantic fucking deal.

[edit] Less Than Jake

BAWWWW I'M LEAVING MY OLD TOWN, NOW I'M COMING BACK, AND THE BOARDWALK STARTS TO FAAAALLLLL, AND I CAN'T ERASE THOSE MISTAKES, AND I DON'T FIT IN, WHICH IS OVERRATED AND SHE'S GONNA BREAK SOON WHILE I LEARN THE SELLING OF SELLING YOURSELF SHORT BAAAAWWW

Their fanbase primarily exists to bitch about how they used to be a good band, and be excited about new albums only to shit all over them once they finally come out. Some argue that this band isn't ska at all, but some need to realize that having horns means skassociation (HAHAHAHAHA GENIUS) with ska whether they like it or not.

[edit] Fishbone

More like Friedchickenbone, amirite?

Basically they complain about being black and how the music industry hates them. But according to the record companies, it's their fault that they're black! Why do the poor studioheads they have to be the victims? Poor little, immensely rich, guys.

Oh right, anyway, Fishbone's no longer interesting, if they ever were.

[edit] Sublime

PROTIP: They're ~~wiggers~~ wexicans.

[edit] Catch 22/Streetlight Manifesto/Tomas Motherfucking Kalnoky

Once upon a time, Tomas Kalnoky (a fucking Czech) made a shit punk band. After that failing, he decided to pollute the genre of ska with his unbelievable pretentiousness, in the form of a band called Catch 22. After beginning to get a fanbase, he did the reasonable thing that any of us would do when beginning to achieve respect, fucking quit. However Tomas's pretentiousness was beginning to bottle up without an outlet, and something had to be done. He made a shitty EP with his circlejerk pals, and noone cared. But Tomas had a better idea, and fucking quit again. Tomas's new band, Streetlight Manifesto, released a album that wet the panties of every 13 year old boy who knew what ska was. All of a sudden, forums exploded with screams of "STREETLIGHT >>>>> CATCH" and "TOMAS IS A VISIONARY". Once again, ska fans couldn't have been farther from the truth. Tomas just pushed out the same old shit from the same old ska formula, and gave new names to old terms. But the main reason Tomas was such a messiah in the eyes of these misguided cocksniffs was his enormous amount of pretentiousness. As his ego inflated, he realized what he had to do. COVER HIS ORIGINAL CATCH 22 ALBUM.

“	LOL WUT	„
—You, reading that

That's right, Tomas rerecorded the entire CD, with double the BAWW and double the pretentious. He then released another new album, but people were fucking sick of him now, and he fades into obscurity.

However, he does have some whiny quotes about Catch 22 not giving a shit about him leaving.

“	Don't forget, I connect And I read every word you said like a child who believes he was wronged If you hate me so much then stop singing my songs	„
—Streetlight Manifesto whinin' it up old school

But Catch 22 had an equally emo retort.

“	I can't believe you're still mad about that. I can't believe you're still living in the past.	„
—Catch 22, unable to beat him, and joining him

All in all I'd say he's a huge pretentious faggot.

New Evidence that Tomas Kalnoky is a queer, excerpt from an article which outed him.

If there isn't already plenty of proof that Tomas is a fanny bandit, look at the song The Receiving End of It All off the new alBUM. You can already tell it's a fag anthem by the title, but I shall elaborate. In Catch 22 interviews everyone says Ryan Eldred would win any of the band fights and also is the most equipped (he has a big dick). Marigold is also Ryan Eldred's favorite flower, coincidence? This song is obviously about how Goiter is tired of taking it in the ass from his butch bandmate Ryan so he left and formed Streetlight where he was the butch and every joining member was the bitch (see: Michael Soprano).

“	"First we were in love now we're just in like And we broke all our promises and baby that ain't right!"	„
—a quote directly from the track which proves the faggotry without question.

Obviously the above quote is about how he was supposed to stay in Catch 22 for at least 100 years and tour and make CDs about how he hates taking it in the ass every night but loves being held in Ryan's manly but grip. This isn't the only track on Somewhere in the Between (of being gay and straight) that alludes to Tomas boarding the fairy express, but the album is too shitty for our experts to research. Please contact us if you can take that shit and still be sane.

The article continues, I think, to prove without a doubt that Streetlight Manifesto is shit.

[edit] The Toasters

OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OH GOD SO OLD JUST GIVE IT UP PLEASE

[edit] Big D And The Kids Table

More wiggers, but this time combined with Boston pride asswipes. As can be expected, the members live in constant fear of both actual black people finding them and beating their asses AND lite brites. Our hearts would go out to them, but they suck dick at playing music.

It's also worth nothing that at their best, they're still only a mediocre Skarmy Of Darkness ripoff.

[edit] Mustard Plug

They are from Michigan but are somehow white. PARADOX

[edit] The Flaming Tsunamis

DEAD GIRLFRIENDS CAN'T BREAK UP WITH YOU

Quite possibly the best Ska(core) Band EVER TO HIT 'MURICAN SOIL! Their instruments overflow with RAW TALENT, and their pens come worth with DEEP, MEANINGFUL, LYRICAL GRACE. Too bad the general idea of the genre is COMPLETELY FUCKING RETARDED.