Skittletouch

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This article needs moar links and screenshots. You can help by adding moar links and screenshots.

Skittletouch or Skittle Nigger is a new meme based on the popular Skittles commercial featuring a working class man with the "Midas Touch" of Skittles. He is offered a stapler, touches it, and it turns into Skittles. The phone rings, Skittles. He pounds the desk... yep, you guessed it. SKITTLES. The concept of "Skittletouch" is likened to the concept of dividing by zero, as it is theorized that when this man touches Skittles, several things may happen to cause the world to implode.

Theories

People found the concept of turning everything he touches into Skittles humorous. Therefore, a thread was started and lulz ensued. However, once the lulz expired, the posters began to theorize, turning to science to provide answers to some well-posed questions.

There are eleven theories when it comes to the Skittletouch powers of Skittle Nigger:

1. Touching Skittles will have no effect, and he may consume all the Skittles he wants;
2. Skittles will try to replicate themselves over and over, only destroying the matter that composed the original Skittle, so that any Skittles touched will be in a constant state of recreation;
3. Same as 2, but the Skittles' replication destroys the original Skittle matter and begins to take over other types of matter, causing a chain reaction that takes over all known matter, eventually consuming the universe;
4. Touches a full pack of Skittles, an uncomputable amount of energy is released, possibly creating a new universe with its own mathematical laws, space, time, and dimensions.
5. Touches Skittle/ full pack of Skittles and then those Skittles become M&M's/ full pack of M&M's; thus resulting in epic fail and we all become an heroes on Last Thursday.
6. He is usually naked (his skin touches the clothing) and surrounded by a pile of Skittles from all the things he's touched. The only way he can live normally is be completely naked and float in the air with molecules of over 9000 Skittles for all eternity.
7. He cannot consume the Skittles, or his entire digestive tract will turn into Skittles before it even touches his tongue.
8. Only his hands or fingers hold the power of generating skittles from matter, considering the fact that he can wear clothing without it bursting into a skittly mess.
9. His dick is made of skittles.
10. If he had a daughter sticking it in her Vagina will result in your cock turning into skittles.
11. Don't question theory #10 on how he would be able to have sex in the first place with his skittles touch powers.

Origins and Limitations

It may be confusing how he got to be the way he is. It seems impossible that he has gone through life and thus far not killed himself or somehow discovered a solution to his problem. It seems that he happened upon his power randomly one day, loving it at first but then coming to hate it, just like the actual King Midas!

The original video