Slut
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
A slut is a girl or woman who spends moar time fucking than doing the laundry. While whores demand payment for their services, usually money, drugs, items from their wish lists, or attention, sluts love the cock for itself.
The Nature of the Beast
Sluts are prone to many of the same difficulties as whores, namely STDs and threats of pwnage from angry cheated-on girlfriends. In addition, while whores have a steady income stream, sluts are usually broke.
Many sluts are 16 year old girls who pretend to be 20. Because their fathers no longer molest them, they are lonely and need the cock inside of them to make them feel better about their future careers as prostitutes and members of government.
Other sluts are usually emo and want some attention because their boyfriend left them for a girl with a greater collection of scars from "attempts".
The unifying characteristic of sluts is this: they will not sleep with you.
Is she a virgin? Has she been faithful to the same man for twenty years? Does she give blow jobs for a nickel apiece behind the bowling alley? Doesn't matter.
She is a slut until she sleeps with you. A "slut" who does sleep with you is no longer a slut, but a "hot chick" who knows how to have a good time.
A girl can also qualify for sluthood by sleeping with your skank-ass boyfriend, because she totally should've known he was lying when he said you didn't exist.
Double Standards
Many women complain about how unfair it is that a man's multiple fuck buddies often earn him praise and compliments, while a woman's sexual conquests are the subject of scorn and ridicule. This would be a valid complaint if it weren't coming from a woman.
Identifying Your Sluts
- Most sluts are thinner than you, probably because they starve themselves. Real women have curves, man!
- Sluts wear nicer clothes than you, because they have sugar-daddies to buy them things.
- Sluts wear too much makeup and, unless they're goth, pay for too many visits to the tanning bed.
- Most sluts are unlikely to make it past high school, but the regular slut is usually attractive enough to talk some guy into giving her a job (and then not doing any work).
- Sluts are really, really stupid, which is why they like to sleep with hot guys who have huge cocks instead of listening to you talk about your Airbender figurines.
- Sluts often try to look sexy in pictures but completely fail.
- Sluts love to pose in front of a camera.
How to get back at a slut
The very best way of getting back at stupid sluts like this is to write her up on Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Make sure to link to whore, cunt, bitch, and hole as many times as you can, even if the pipe makes no fucking sense. That way, everyone will know what a dirty whorecuntbitchsluthole she is, even though you couldn't find a single shred of evidence to back that up with, since most sluts are too busy having all the hot sex you're not having to generate a paper trail. No matter! You're the one who has time to spare for the internets, so your story is the one we'll hear.
If you have their phone numbers, post them on Craigslist in the "casual encounters" section with a prurient ad and a sexy photo. Let the lulz ensue.
If all else fails, make up some awesome fake story about her life being full of 4chan memes because that shit's hilarious FUCK YEAH SEAKING.
Throw in lots of scat jokes, kinky crap, and TOTALLY WACKY stuff like tapirs or some shit because weird animals are always, always funny.
Hell, take it one step further and write the article as if the slut herself were a weird animal, because sounding like a bad ripoff of National Geographic always brings the lulz. If it's implausible, impossible, or just plain lame, don't worry! People on the internets will never figure out that your awesome article is the result of misogyny, jealousy, and blue balls.
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Slut is part of a series on Whores. |
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