Smoking

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The benefits of smoking.
The benefits of smoking.
Smoking is here to stay, cos lets face it, this makes you hard. Unless you're a smoker with limpdick.
Smoking is here to stay, cos lets face it, this makes you hard. Unless you're a smoker with limpdick.

Smoking is an addictive habit in which the smoker burns tobacco in a long, fingerlike object and sucks white smoke from the tip. Smoking most closely resembles ritual, repetitive fellatio. It derives its addictive powers from this non-coincidental resemblance. As any Republican Senator can tell you, "once you cock, you can't stop."

Smoking, like fellatio, has a number of serious negative health impacts for the smoker, including cancer, limpdick, and smelling like jenkem for hours after the last cigarette. This is all upstaged by the fact that sucking on a little burning phallus in public makes one cool -- possibly even an hero.


Smoking is also a guaranteed drama generator OTI. As a drama-generating technique, any smoking-related post is guaranteed to get at least 100 bitterly divisive comments, often touching off a flame war between whiny liberal moonbat anti-smokers and rabid libertarian smokers. Because tobacco smoke smells like shit and clings to lungs, skin, hair and clothing, anti-smokers hate it with a near-religious fervor. Because hippies are fundamentally offensive and the smell of their patchouli overpowers even the most potent cigar, pro-smokers defend their phallic habit with equal fervor. The resulting lulz-packed threads inevitably attract scores of Ayn Rand fanbois and asthmatic basement dwellers. Trolling opportunities abound.

Contents

[edit] People who smoke

If its good enough for him...
If its good enough for him...
Seaking loevs smoking.
Seaking loevs smoking.
Smokers are smrt.
Smokers are smrt.

[edit] People who don't smoke

[edit] A typical smoking flamewar

An artist's rendering of one of Nostradamus's less well-known prophecies
An artist's rendering of one of Nostradamus's less well-known prophecies

The first post is usually something very similar to these two basic models:

  1. A new bill has just been passed banning smoking in [location]. [This is great!] or [This is bullshit!]
  2. I'm sick and tired of smelling filthy smoke in [public location]. It made my nerd asthma act up, and then I couldn't hear my anime movie because I have to keep the volume low due to my upstairs neighbors and I was coughing with an exaggerated sense of injured self-entitlement all through it! I hope all smokers die from exposure while smoking outside where they SHOULD be!

This initial seed sets off a chain reaction in which opponents quickly flock to the post and line up into the following factions:

  • Rabid anti-smokers who express a deep hatred for smokers, declare they would never even TOUCH one because of the foul ashtray stench, and will settle for nothing less than a blanket smoking ban in all public spaces.
  • Non-smokers or ex-smokers that don't care that much but get sucked in once accusations of racism and classism start flying (and oh, they will).
  • Smokers who don't care all that much or would like to quit, but admit they'd rather not have to smoke outside. These posters get sucked in when the rabid anti-smokers make snide comments at them.
  • Rabid smokers who insist that banning smoking ANYWHERE, including aeroplanes and gas stations, is an abridgement of their Constitutionally-enshrined right to smoke, and insist that the non-smokers should go outside if they're so addicted to fresh air.

[edit] Baiting techniques

STOP SMOKING AIDS, ffs
STOP SMOKING AIDS, ffs
Some people, and cats, just don't listen.
Some people, and cats, just don't listen.

Because smoking leads directly to cancer and cancer is serious business, and because smoking is both a form of suicide and taxation visited disproportionately on the poor, stupid, and black, any smoking flamewar thinly masks undercurrents of class and race warfare. PROTIP: race and class related flamewars yield especially potent lulz. Bringing these arguments out in the open will double your merriment.

[edit] Anti-smoking

  • Suggest that all public funding for health care (Medicare, etc.) should be cut off for smokers diagnosed with cancer, emphysema, and other smoking-related illnesses. If dealing with particularly gullible lusers, make it all illnesses. Suggest that because smokers have freely chosen a slow form of suicide which they inflict as homicide upon others around them, paying for their medical treatment with your tax money is an abridgement of your "civil liberties." Make sure to include at least one sentence about smokers "rotting in the gutter like they deserve." Seen in action on the damnportlanders LJ community! Make sure you never point out that its your own leftard ideas like welfare that made these personal decisions any of your business in the first place.
  • Suggest that a tax aimed solely at retards is unethical, and while you enjoy the public services funded by their stupidity, a civilized society would ban smoking outright for the protection of those too stupid to be trusted with making their own choices.
wut?
wut?

[edit] Mario's views on smoking.

Nintendo's star mario advertised smoking back in 1993 how smoking is good for you. But keep in mind, where there's smoke, they pinch mama luigi!

[edit] Pro-smoking

  • Point out that the poor and racial minorities smoke the most, and therefore bans on smoking, and in fact all taxes on smoking, are a form of race and class warfare instituted by rich white Jetta-driving liberals. This will spin the liberal anti-smokers into defensive overdrive.
  • Adding to the previous, say that you knew racism ran deep, but to discriminate on the color of lungs was a totally new low.
  • Frame the entire debate as one solely about depriving you of your personal right to smoke whereever you see fit. Include Ayn Rand quotes on personal autonomy. Suggest that secondhand smoke is only a problem for those who "freely choose" to remain in the vicinity in places such as restaurants, aeroplanes, and intensive-care wards. Use loads of Conservapedia-style logic and big words in an effort to appear marginally reasonable enough that most anti-smokers cannot resist taking the bait. If American, bonus points for working in that your right to smoke equates to a pursuit of happiness protected by the very Declaration of Independence.
  • Contrary to popular belief, cigarette smoking does not harm your lungs, mouth or discolor your teeth. As a matter of fact, smoking is one of the most popular forms of cancer treatment, and can be used as a sleep aid.
  • Show them this video:

[edit] Smoking Fetish

Sasha_Grey
Sasha_Grey
Valentina Vaughn smoking
Valentina Vaughn smoking
Dangling the cigarette, is also another thing the fetishists enjoy
Dangling the cigarette, is also another thing the fetishists enjoy

There are also people out there who enjoy watching women smoke for aesthetic reasons. The smoking fetish is quite simply about watching other people smoking. Whether it's just watching them smoke like they would normally or watching them having sex and smoking. They do not have to be smokers themselves to be attracted towards these types of women. Most people will flame, or sage people who like women who smoke, which is one of the many reasons Rule 41 was created. Even though there are severe health affects for smokers, the people who have the fetish view women smokers as a very beautiful thing.

Some smoking fetishists merely observe, while others become personally involved with smokers. Several online vendors cater to the fetish with videos and photos, which often also show explicit sexual acts.

There are many opinions and theories as to why many men (AND women!) find smoking attractive, sexy and alluring. A few of the most common that we hear (sometimes by themselves, sometimes in combination);

- women who smoke are self-confident, sophisticated or socially adept; they handle their smoking with competence and style.

- women who smoke are "naughty"; they deliberately do something that is sometimes (today, more than ever!) viewed as socially unacceptable, unfeminine or just plain "wrong." (Many are attracted to innocent-looking women who 'don't look like they'd be a smoker'; that seems to be quite common.)

- women who smoke are more relaxed, carefree, fun-loving and not as uptight; many guys see smoking as a reflection of the attitude: "I do what I like."

- women who smoke are often more confident of their sexuality; they may even use their smoking as a "tool" or "prop" to attract attention.

- finally, many can't even explain the reason for their attraction to women who smoke, any more than other people can explain why they're attracted to women with long hair or nice legs. Plain and simple, it just turns them on.

As for what it is that fetishists are attracted to---again, it varies depending on the person. Probably the three most common answers we hear are:

- the exhale---it's quite sensuous and alluring, particularly when women are "accomplished" or "talented" smokers. (You'll often hear people who feel this way express a preference for women who french inhale, exhale through their nostrils, blow smoke rings, and so on.)

- the manner---how they handle their cigarette and their inhaling and exhaling.

- what's being smoked---the smoking fetish is often quite specific, with many guys often attracted primarily to (depending on their fetish) women who smoke long cigarettes, women who smoke cigarettes with white filters or brown filters, women who smoke strong cigarettes, and so on. There are also quite a few who are attracted to women who smoke cigars, or women who use cigarette holders.



[edit] See also

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