Solaris

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

Solaris is a UNIX based operating system created by Sun Microsystems. It is known for its power and unique ability to run on expensive, high quality Sun hardware and for being so amazing that no human can possibly comprehend it.

[edit] Origins

Billions of years ago there were numerous bloated yet relatively useless UNIX-based systems floating around the universe, doing little more than answering the occasional database query or giving system administrators and engineers a means to pretend to work. Then, one fateful day they all collided do to their collectively massive gravitational attraction, forming one dense singularity which shown bright in the sky and many expected would explode in a super nova. It didn't, however, and Sun began marketing it as a new UNIX variant.

[edit] Decline In Use

In recent years Solaris has seen a decline in the number of installations. The reasons for this are twofold. First, the hardware requirements are beyond the resources of most companies, which can afford a limited amount of hydrogen and antimatter to power the machines. Second, after years of existing as a singularity Solaris has a tendency to take on the early stages of a super nova and vaporize several nearby planets. As a result many systems have migrated to the far superior Plan 9.

[edit] Users

International law prohibits anyone from seriously working with Solaris unless they have a few qualifications. First, they must be over 9000 years old. Second, they must have more facial hair than everyone in their native country combined (also, beards must exist in multiple dimensions). And finally, they must be virgins.