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Chris-chan/Sonichu

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Sonichu.Original character,DO NOT STEAL!
Sonichu.

Original character,
DO NOT STEAL!
The pussy deflector in all its glory.
The pussy deflector in all its glory.
Some shitty re-color of Sonichu.
Some shitty re-color of Sonichu.

Starting on March 15, 2005, Sonichu The Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, the horrifying product of notorious overweight man-child Chris-chan's feeble, autistic mind — is a webcomic hybrid of the two already-established video game characters of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu — was published on the internet, with the sole intention of scarring the minds of the uninitiated masses, and forever searing the crayon-rendered terror into the widened retinas of the innocent. Over the years, Chris's webcomic has served as a medium through which he reinvents his experiences in real life. These events include his adventures at the local mall where he is accompanied by his imaginary friend Sonichu and ambushed by Jerkops (a portmanteau of "jerk" and "cop").

Most of his rage and artistic inspiration comes from the fact that he was arrested for being a creepy fucking stalker at the mall, and resisting arrest. The comic's plots center around Chris(a former female friend that shared a platonic relationship with him) and her villainous girl-stealing boyfriend, people gaining the ability to transform into hedgehogs, elderly people getting killed, depictions of Sonichu and Rosechu fucking and a failed attempt at loli.

The comic's main characters were Sonichu, a Pikachu/Sonic hybrid, and CWC, who for some reason is Sonichu's father. (Since Sonichu's supposed to be eighteen, this results in them born within ten years of each other!) Supporting roles consist primarily of electric hedgehogs who pretty much hang around having sex the entire time. Eventually, Chris stole the spotlight by making himself the comic's main character, and now the entirety of the comic focuses on him and all of his personal predispositions. He writes himself as being idolized as a god by all of his hedgehog friends who, throughout the comic, assist him in the endeavors of his "love quest".

The comic takes elements from all of the following; all meshed together with Chris' creativity:

Contents

The Official Comic

The whole thing is avaliable on Chris-Chan's very own wiki for your reading pleasure. But for the sake of sanity, and brevity, a summary is also avaliable below.

Issue #0

Sonichu #0: The Nightmare Begins
Sonichu #0: The Nightmare Begins
Super Sonic accidentally a Pikachu while fighting a blue tentacle monster, and somehow shits out Sonichu and Rosechu. The two meet and immediately fall in OMG TRUE LOVE. Back in CWCville, Sonichu fights Naitsirhc, who has kidnapped Rosechu (totally original, amirite?) but easily kicks his ass because he's a Pokemon-playing faggot...just like Chris-chan himself.

Issue #1

Sonichu #1: Racial Issues
Sonichu #1: Racial Issues
Naitsirch, Dr. Eggman, and Giovanni create a Sonichu clone for no good reason, but some dumbfuck scientist spills cherry cola on it and turns it into a nigger. Blachu/Black Sonichu/whatever is sent on a mission to kidnap Rosechu, succeeds at first, then predictably gets his ass kicked when Sonic and his faggot knock-off Sonichu decide to team up.

Issue #2

Sonichu #2: Electric Boogaloo
Sonichu #2: Electric Boogaloo
Chris-chan and Sonichu fulfill an "anchuent" Cherokee prophecy so that Chris can change into a furfag along with Sarah Hammer and her boyfriend Wes Iseli. Wes tries to cap Chris-chan but is pwned by Sarah who promptly breaks up with him. Chris has hopes of getting it on with Sarah, but this never happens. For no apparent reason, some gigantic rock monster controlled by Mary Lee Walsh tries to destroy CWCville. The trio kick its ass using their awesome furfag powers. Unfortunately, Chris-chan fails to die during the battle.

Issue #3

Sonichu #3: Night of the Living Recolors
Sonichu #3: Night of the Living Recolors
Chris-chan shits out another five useless Sonichu recolors, each based on another Pokemon and having unique traits: Wild Sonichu, Bubbles Rosechu, Angelica Rosechu, Punchy Sonichu, and Magi-chan Sonichu. Blachu, like the nigger he is, steals a sunstone or something from a bird furry living on a floating island that is totally not Angel Island or anything. The five recolors meet and form the Chaotic Combo, who team up with Sonichu to go lynch Blachu. Then they talk about teamwork or some shit. On a side note, Chris-chan managed to keep his fat ass out of the comic this time...

Issue #4

Sonichu #4: BAWWWWWWWW
Sonichu #4: BAWWWWWWWW
...but not for long. In this issue, Chris-chan whines about how he can't get any and how the Jerkops are keeping him from having a girlfriend. He then puts on his fursuit to go fight some fatass black mall cop, and tries to kill him by shouting "CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HA!" Then, he chronicles how he got his heart broken by an epic troll who asked him out on a date, and bitches at Mary Lee Walsh for doing her job. Chris-chan's ears turn into wings, allowing him to defeat her. He somehow creates a female clone of himself called Crystal, who ALSO turns into another fucking Sonichu; only this time she's a Sailor Soldier too. Some other shit happens, but no one cares because there are not many lulz to be had in this issue.

Issue #5

Sonichu #5: OMG SO KAWAII
Sonichu #5: OMG SO KAWAII
Chris-chan decides his comic isn't KAWAII enough for his new TRUE LOVE Megan, so he decides to weeaboo it up by giving everyone anime SHINY DESU eyes. Chris's best friend Sarah gets married to a Yu-Gi-Oh character but Wes comes back to fuck everything up. Chris has to get Megan to save the day for him. Meanwhile, the Jerkops are cockblocking everyone in CWCville, so Chris and his legion of recolors have to save the day. Crystal gets locked in a dark mirror for some reason, and Megan cries in Chris's arms, which everyone knows will never happen in real life.

Issue #6

Sonichu #6: Even More Plagiarism
Sonichu #6: Even More Plagiarism
Chris's dog died. Rather than BAWWWWW like ANY OTHER NORMAL PERSON, he makes her yet another shitty character in his shitty comic. The multiple Sonichu recolors have to search for the mystical super special awesome Sonichu Pokeball Crystals, which are OMG SO NOT THE CHAOS EMERALDS OR THE DRAGONBALLS OR ANYTHING. For some reason Blachu and a green Sonichu show up; the green Sonichu is revealed to be Redlnahc Notsew Naitsirhc Ha-Taque or something and also has a thing for BDSM. Of course, Chris-chan sucks dick, so he almost gets defeated, but Bionic the Hedgehog (surprisingly, not a Sonichu, but almost as bad) saves his sorry ass.

Issue #7

Sonichu #7: Lost in Space-Time
Sonichu #7: Lost in Space-Time
Chris-chan and some of his recolors travel back in time to get one of the Sonichu Pokeball Crystals. For some reason, Chris-chan threw a shitty Family Guy-esque episode in there, featuring a version of himself that looks like Peter. He then proceeds to get completely lost in time, THANK GOD. Meanwhile, everyone Chris hates teams up to try and rape him.

Issue #8

Sonichu #8: FUCK YOU I'M AUTISTIC
Sonichu #8: FUCK YOU I'M AUTISTIC

This issue was apparently created to retaliate against 4chan for making Chris look like the idiot he is. Rosechu and Sonichu have gratuitous amounts of sex before setting off to try and convince "4-cent-garbage.com" (run by the Devil himself) to take down pictures revealing Rosechu's true nature as a dickgirl. After the owner throws a pickle at Rosechu, she UNLEASHES THE FUCKING FURY and crushes his head with her VAGINA. Also contains Chris's personal stash of furry yiff porn.

  • Note: In CWCipedia, Chris-chan's wiki, this issue and the one after it are combined.

Issue #9

Sonichu #9: Beach Sex
Sonichu #9: Beach Sex
Why the fuck are you still reading this? I hope it's not for the incredibly creepy fucking scenes. Anyway, Chris-chan is still trapped in a swirling time vortex, so instead of rescuing him, his legion of recolors decides to go to the beach. Some whore named Silvana shows up and fucks Blachu...ahem, "Blake", while pretending to be Bubbles. Meanwhile, Bubbles goes to search for the last Pokeball Crystal thing then comes back and almost fucks Silvana, who's pretending to be Blake, but ends up pwning her instead.

Issue #10

Sonichu #10: Twelve Angry Losers
Sonichu #10: Twelve Angry Losers
All of CWC's characters who haven't been romantically partnered yet have to take a dating class becuase apparently they do not know how to shot semen. Chris still fails to get a girlfriend, so he takes the class too; only Divine Intervention is able to hook him up with a girl named Ivy. After more (albeit implied) creepy furry sex, Rosechu pantyshots, and Sonichu whining about people who think Chris is gay, Mary Lee Walsh tries to fuck up CWCville again... again. Chris-chan's merry band of retards and recolors have to stop him, but the issue is thus far unfinished since Chris is a retard. Also, Sonichu and Rosechu apparently got married and spawned three cute Sonichu babies.

Issue #11

Sonichu #11
Sonichu #11
Not yet completed due to Chris being fat.

Issue #12

Sonichu #12
Sonichu #12
Oh come on, if he's not even completed all the pages to issue nine yet, what fucking chance do you see of issue twelve having ang visualisation in the next two years???

TL;DR

Sonichu fails, Blachu is a nigger, everyone else is a copy/pasted recolor, and Chris is never, EVER going to get any.

Read and/or listen for yourself

Fan Comics

What's this? Fan comics? Holy shit.

Well children, the facts of life are simple. Chris-Chan, in all his autistic man-child glory, has actually managed to create something that inspired people. And what is it that you've done with your life? Nothing. That's why you're all faggots and why I hate every single one of you.

Sonichu Remade

Recently, a Tartlet by the name of ~gabmonteiro9389 decided to remake the classic Sonichu Comics. Although the quality of the remake is clearly superior to the original, it's still about Sonichu, so it still sucks balls.


Sonichu Remade

Sonichu Finale

Sonichu Finale (by a Mr. Harry D) explores life in CWCville, but with a twist: it's good. The art is entertaining, the dialog is pretty good, and the premise isn't that bad. Certainly much more interesting and refreshing than the usual crap that Charlottesville spawns. Issue 1 is below, follow the link for more.


Sonichu Finale

Sonichu: The Game

"When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?"
"When Do You Want Nintendo and SEGA to Talk to Me to EVOLVE Sonichu and Rosechu more Realistically?"
"So who wants to 'make my taco pop' first?"
"So who wants to 'make my taco pop' first?"

After Chris' website was dead for a year, he posted a new entry on August 17th, 2008, calling for all the Sonichu fans to storm Nintendo and Sega with requests that his character be given official merchandise. He also announced the launch of a new blog dedicated to Sonichu: The Game, whose content consisted mainly of "fan art" and a few of his own pictures accompanying Sakurai-like updates to the game's progression.

 
 
And I HAVE the idea for the Video Game for myself, if I can swing that with SEGA as well, an epic tale of my tragic Adult Life straight from my tortured heart and soul. I will bring the pain to the Jerkops, I will kick Mary Lee Walsh into her cauldron to burn, as well as the other villains. And I will have support from my Electric-Hedgehogs, my mother and father, my Closest Gal-Pals
 

 

—Chris, on his upcoming game.

On September 5th, 2008, the official Sonichu game blog revealed itself to be a troll. In a post claiming that SEGA and Nintendo had slapped "production" with a cease and desist order, the resident blogger offered his redesigns of Sonichu and Rosechu; with a member of the upper class and a member of the Village People impersonating anteater/eel hybrids respectively.

He also stated that the game would be only on Gamecube and PS2, but NEVAR on Xbawks. Considering he owns and still plays an Xbox, this makes him an Xbox-HUEG hypocrite.

 
 
He certainly has a point that we should encourage women's rights...to bear arms! It is advisable to keep this man a great distance from the nearest vagina.Do not be so down, for there is some good news too. You see, JKProductions has acquired the trademark for Sonichu, making him our official property! Christian Weston Chandler's "Sonichu" comics, should henceforth be recognized as an, *ahem*, poorly done fan-comic (laughs.)
 

 

—JK Productions, being lulzy.

An archive of the site can be seen here.

Shigeru Miyamoto Responds

Shigeru Miyamoto: "Chris, Your idea sucks!"
Shigeru Miyamoto: "Chris, Your idea sucks!"
Another troll pretending to be Hideo Kojima, someone Chris probably hasn't heard of.
Another troll pretending to be Hideo Kojima, someone Chris probably hasn't heard of.

After countless obsessive e-mails to Nintendo, a clever troll decided to impersonate Shigeru Miyamoto, thus cementing the sheer impossibility of any Sonichu merchandise ever existing ever in.

 
 
The Big Brain behind Super Mario, Zelda and other Popular Nintendo characters and games, Shigeru Miyamoto, sent me an e-mail with his response to the Sonichu Game Project. He says Nay, but I bet's he could be holding out on us, or something. So, I say this unto you, my loyal fans, continue with the e-mails and Forum Talks with Nintendo and SEGA of America or Japan. They are missing out on a REAL Profitable thing they can work with me on and cash in handsomely. I sent a detailed reply, but it came back to me in a "Mailer Daemon" message, so I've taken the liberty of printing a copy of the original message, and a copy of my reply that I will send to Nintendo of America for them to transfer to Mr. Miyamoto himself. Give them time and messages.
 

 

—Chris-chan, using stupid logic.

However, Chris still fails to realize that nobody wants to play a shitty game with a shitty Mary Sue character. He is still trying to get the game made.


The Real Sonichu Game

Looks like the Sonichu idea has already been used in a videogame called Pokemon Adventure.

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