Soulseek
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Soulseek is a centralized P2P filesharing, largely inhabited by basement-dwellers who use their personal profile to type a set of 'rules', which often look like the final draft for a new constitutional amendment, but essentially just list ways you can get the user to ban you, such as:
- downloading more than 1 file
- downloading files larger than 10mb
- disconnecting before the user has had a chance to download all of your pr0n
- downloading too slowly (ie. having less than a dedicated T3)
- uploading too slowly (ie. having less than a dedicated T3)
- using soulseek
- not having the latest album by their favorite shit band
These users are always basement-dwellers who have nothing to do but sit around banning anyone who violates any of their 3,494,195 rules. More anal than Wikipedos, yet even the rules may be unwritten, policies unspoken, and the most arbitrary of all things being enforced. User:Tfo bans people who don't have sufficient levels of gay porn; User:Classic3801 bans people who haven't fully, correctly and anally alphabetized their collections, to give but two instances.
To combat these amazingly byzantine rules, a system of allowing users to enter likes and dislikes to their profiles was instituted. Now users can attempt to stop people from banning them by adding "being banned" or "Remote:Banned" to their dislikes, which creates a magical shield that prevents banning them. it also allows them to express their contempt towards W.
Soulseek also hosts chat rooms that are similiar to IRC in several ways, the most popular ones currently being #black metal, which seems to have replaced #indie for some god-forsaken reason because Satan's favorite P2P software is Soulseek. These rooms are popular with idiots who have nothing to do all day but get onto soulseek and websites for the sole purpose of bitching about other peoples taste in music, regardless of what it is, much like the original author of this article. Usually these rooms are inhabited by about 10 people per room which are on soulseek 24/7, even if they are list-only and never actually use the program to download music, and magically become hilarious because they say nigger in every sentence. This also means that while most other P2P programs are only for trading mp3s of popular shit bands, Soulseek's users have a large variety of content made by underground shitty bands.
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[edit] Soulseek Dialect & Pioneering Syntax
Soulseek was developed quite some time ago in the realm of p2p networking and has had time to spawn a whole new (sub)-sub-culture of clones, random trolls and 13 year old faggots that think they know shit. Over these years it has also developed a variety of dialects or pseudo-english ways of communication.
Kvlt Speak, Kult, GRYM, etc..: Probably the most widespread of all dialects, however this was not originally created on Soulseek. This was only dumbed down and made even more pretentious by Soulseek's own "+Black Metal+" channel, which is comprised of trolls and posers from every walk of life. Most of which don't even listen to Black Metal or much less even know what it is or where it came from, but nonetheless listen to Cradle of Filth (a British pop/punk band) and wear corpsepaint. These people are usually referred to as "DER HOLY P0ZEVR" , by the 14 year-old regulars that are seemingly the "alpha males" of +Black Metal+ and are actually respected by the 400+ cum shitters that go there.
RAMglish: Developed sometime in the 21st century it is not certain when exactly this dialect became an official language on Soulseek. This language was developed by a user known as RAMXHER but goes as several different names. There are many variations of this syntax and grammatical phrasing. Some of which have been modified by some of the greatest trolls/fat losers with no life such as Fat Jon (aka Praeludium Und Fugue or deifyThyMaster or echoesOfDeath) and Jordi (rebirth_of_faggotry) from the "Metal" channel on Soulseek.
[edit] Tips on trolling soulseek
Ok, so you’ve been hanging around in a few chatrooms thinking to yourself “what a bunch of pretentious dicks” So what else does soulseek have to offer besides downloading shitty quality mp3’s from assholes who go offline before you even finished downloading that shit? Well, there’s always the option to troll.
Cloning usernames
Fucking ancient. You pick some poor unfortunate cocksucker who’s name is “I love hardcore” and change your name to “l love hardcore” (with an L instead of an i) Then you start telling the chatroom how gay you are and how much you like it up the ass. Some people have had their reputations ruined that way on soulseek. If someone doesn’t have a name that can be cloned then just change your screen-name to “Peter is” and type /me starving for some cock. Then watch Peter trying to explain he didn't type that. See also HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
Posting asciis
Asciis are annoying and stupid, that’s why they’re so much fun. You can distract entire rooms by pasting them. People who have no life make these things, just copypasta from them when they post them and make backups. When posting these damn things keep in mind that if you post this shit five times per second soulseek will auto-ban you for 200 minutes. It works better if the opposition tries to flood the ascii from their screen and end up banning themselves, you'd be surprised how many people are actually that stupid.
Flooding
If you have any technical skills you might even be able to build yourself a nice flooder and use it to flood the fuck out of people and rooms. There’s two kinds of flooders, a personal message flooder and a room flooder. It is rumoured that the original pm flooder was designed for the war against Driss. Scientologists have then stolen the invention and changed it to a room-flooder which they are currently using to wreak havoc and chaos on soulseek, much to the dismay of certain faggots. Read this epic shit if you’re interested.
[edit] Elitism on Soulseek
Apart from the aforementioned pathetic ways of behavior, the thing Soulseek is most notorious for is the abundance of militant assholes known as elitists. According to wikipedia, an elitist is one who considers himself as a member of the elite — a select group of people with outstanding personal abilities, intellect, wealth, specialized training or experience, or other distinctive attributes. This is of course utter bullshit and has nothing to do with the truth whatsoever. In real life - a phrase they probably don't know, since they have no life outside Soulseek - they're basement-dwellers who do nothing except learning to excel at flamewars, and developing vast knowledge about obscure music. A regular day of an elitist consists of sleeping (they only require minimal amounts of sleep, some argue they have no sleep at all) and trolling others. Trolling tactics mainly consist of stating their opinions as facts, accusing people who disaggree with them of being homosexuals/retards/wiggers, etc. If a spark of a chance for an argument occurs, the elitists will dogpile you and start flaming until you stop talking. Although defeating them in a verbal battle might be possible, it is considered very hard and pointless, due to the fact that they're just stupid to change their hopelessly narrow mind, and generally not worth arguing about. When confronted by an elitist, it is not advisable to take them seriously, because they might drive you batshit insane.
[edit] Death Metal Rooms
Allegations from several DMC and RDM inhabitants are found below. These people have formed their own lexicon that allows them to perpetuate their own futile existence. You're probably not enough of a dipshit to know what "nonclue" means anyway.
There are 2 popular Death Metal Rooms in Soulseek: the REAL DEATH METAL room and DEATH METAL CLUB. DEATH METAL CLUB consists of regular Elitists (explained above), wiggers (Retribution, Grille-Pain, Pallbearer, AshesOfBabylon, etc.), nonclues(Nova0Reaper, Zaku77, CauseOfDeath, Th3 Beyond, etc.) and the randoms (basically any new person). The REAL DEATH METAL room was made by people that got rejected from DMC. They declared that they were indeed metal, and everyone else was the wigger/nonclue/idiot, so sammael.daemon went and formed REAL DEATH METAL. The RDM room has a religion of its own:
Sammael Cult
Around the Real Death Metal room there is a cult dedicated to worshipping the user sammael.daemon. The sammael empire's main activities consist of daily sucking his dick and accepting all his namedrops as "True Metal", listening to them for a week, and claiming they're the best albums of the year - and also defending him against attacks from the rival gang (Death Metal Club residents). The sammael empire has fallen some time ago. Sammael has recently come back to Soulseek, RDM is slowly gaining life again. The sammael empire's arch enemies are Satanforce. Most well-known Satanforce members (gradually being updated, just fucking wait):
Wolfgang: Known from bashing sammael, Fattens and their followers daily. Also known for the "April Fools Gag".
SkullCrusher666: Basically this is the Sammael cult's Satan. People claim that there is some sort of sexual tension between the two.
Kughelf: He is the archetypical elitist, and is known for fellating a small array of bands, and strongly insulting anyone who dares not to praise him and his opinions. By natural habit, he speaks ramglish alot, accuses random people (especially people who listen to bands from the present decade) to be wiggers. He also tends to make fun of everything he dislikes, giving them hip-hop related names (Dressed Are The Slick, Psalms Of The Bounciebund, Sicopsy - Bounce Wuz Not). He is known to be unbeatable in arguments, due to the amount of his frequently used insults (cocksquatter, dickhopper, etc.), his vast knowledge of shitty music, and his unbreakable pride and vanity. Kughelf is believed to be about 60 years old, although some argue he is over 9000. He is also believed to be an elf, hence the naming of his frequently used insults "elf-phrases". Judging by his virtuous arguing skills, 'Kughelf' is believed to be actually several people hellbent on terrorizing DMC with elitistic faggotry. There's only one way to avoid an oncoming shitstorm of an argument with Kughelf: "Hey, my favorite album is Legion/Breeding The Spawn/Liber Zar Zax" ; also, saying this at any point of the argument will make him as cuddly as his belly. Ways to piss him off/trigger drama: / "I have a job" / "I don't have a basement, so you can't stay over tonight" / "Dying Fetus/Necrophagist/Beneath The Massacre is probably the most technical death metal". favorite music: Deicide's Legion, Dutch death metal, old Florida death metal, old Finnish death metal.
Slacker: Similar to Kug, except he's a Mexican jew (Yeah, it's unbelieveble, he's fucking sand-nigger in his own words)
Insalubrious: Girl version of all the above mentioned. Also resembles The Joker. Hasn't been seen in years.
Random randoms:
Nova0Reaper: Tries hard to be Kug, with little or no success. Talks ramglish 24/7, praises Breeding The Spawn, uses elf-phrases.
MALEVOLENCE, also called Malev is the house faggot, there's not much more one can say about him.
MarijuanaMan, The epitome of wiggerdom, he keeps it "trill" by calling anyone that bashes him a fag. Can be found among other wiglets in the BRUTAL DEATH METAL room.
eg [MarijuanaMan] yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
DeadHaveRisen, Schizophrenic, has too many usernames to count, frequently brings up "The Moustache Incident". He is currently serving out a life sentence in a North Dakota State Prison.
mackhomie: Basement-dweller.
Grille-Pain He's in almost every room. He's alright though, he just puts his 2 cents in and that's it.
Skyfire: Also known as Heidi. 14 year old girl who is FUCKING HUGE. Known to have done many butthurt rants, and is frequently made fun of. Avoid at all costs.
Pallbearer: Known to be the antithesis of the militant elitists, not easily botherd by their attempts at trolling. Considered to be a wise man (but still just some wigger to most).
n00bs
These are new users who go into every room and ask if anyone has the new ill nino cd most come into the DEATH METAL CLUB
One could easily assume that the speculations above were from a retard, or many retards
[edit] +BlackMetal+
+BlackMetal+ is reputed to be the worst chatroom on soulseek. Inhabited mostly by trolls and posers, and plagued by the occasional newfag inquiring about Xasthur, +BlackMetal+ is a swamp of stupidity, a feast of flamers and an ocean of obscenities. It is estimated that people actually discuss black metal there 5% of the time, the rest of the day is filled with flamewars since all trve black metal fans hate each other. Many regulars in +BlackMetal+ hardly listen to black metal and are only there for the lulz causing the chatroom to automatically fail as a gathering point for trve black metal fans (sidenote: trve black metal fans don't exist on the internet anyway because if you learned about black metal through the internet you're obviously a poser and full of aids. Trve black metal fans reside in forests, graveyards and snowy landscapes (or jail) they don't hang out on teh interwebs just ask your mom about it and she'll tell you)
Driss
Driss is a soulseek dweller who has been storming in and out of the +BlackMetal+ chatroom for years now under a variety of gay pseudonyms, his most recent one being Sheikh. Driss is legendary in +BlackMetal+ for being a failed troll and he has been pwnt severely over the years, not in the least by himself. Driss has claimed to live in France, that he is a model for Dior Homme and that he is a member of the black metal band Alcest. The truth however is that Driss lives in Pakistan where he works as a rapey sheepfarmer. Driss’s obsession with soulseek, fueled by his addiction to jenkem, has helped him create a fantasyworld where he is cool according to his own standards (which include being a French fashion model and getting drunk on dimple pinch).
Driss is famous in +BlackMetal+ because he’s a desperate attentionwhore, if nobody pays attention to him he will just start randomly insulting strangers. The list of Driss ownage is about as long as his stay in +BlackMetal+ has been since everyone there hates him. Here’s an attempt at an overview:
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
- DRISS OWNED AGAIN
Other screen-names of Driss include CACOON, Drisstallnacht, EnFaNcE, and Sassaeh. His current screen-name is Sheikh. That said; it doesn’t really matter what his name is because you can always recognize Driss from the streams of gayness dripping from the screen. If you want his attention just type that you’re a girl and that your picture is in your user-info.
